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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its rude to pop in

167 replies

Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 21:47

Just found myself in a situation. Having a relaxing night to myself. I'm naked about to jump in the bath and listening to some music with my earphones in.
I take my earphones off to hear the door going like crazy. Dd is in bed asleep and I'm home alone so I start to panic it's an emergency. I can't find my fucking dressing gown and I'm looking for a towel. Then my mil just waltzes in dropping something off.
It's almost 10pm ffs and no warning at all.

I hate when anyone just pops by without any prior warning. I wouldn't do it to anyone else. I even call my own mother and ask if she's busy even though she wouldn't bother if I did pop round. I just find it totally intrusive.
I am now on edge. Ffs.

I had door unlocked for dh as he's due home soon. But I will be locking it from now on. Although that doesn't make a difference because the lights are on and she knows I'm home.

OP posts:
Justdontknow4321 · 15/03/2018 21:50

That would piss me off. I don’t like people popping by specially if I’m relaxing! And then the pop in and you have to be polite.
Tell your dh to ask his mum to only come around at acceptable times!

DeadGood · 15/03/2018 21:51

I would HATE this.

AngelOfMusic · 15/03/2018 21:53

I totally agree, I hate unexpected visitors and always ask if it's convenient for me to pop around because of this.

TheRebel · 15/03/2018 21:54

Always lock your door! Our old neighbor was putting her suitcase in her car to go on holiday, remembered her sunglasses were upstairs so left the door unlocked but closed and when she came back down someone had opened the door and swiped her handbag, she was literally upstairs for about 30 seconds!

Astella22 · 15/03/2018 21:54

We have one of those plug in door bells so I frequently just plug it out, put my phone on silent and it’s just pure blis. If an emergency was to occur my phone will allow a call through if someone rings more then 3 times within a certain time limit or I can add exceptions to the list that will allow the phone to ring when on silentGrin

Original poster
Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 21:54

To be fair she didn't stay. She just dropped it off and went but banging on the door at almost 10pm when dd is asleep and she knows I'm home alone on a Thurs. Why didn't she call and say I'm dropping it off now so I could at least be wearing clothes.

It's mid week too which I find even worse. I could have been in bed asleep and she's banging on the door.
It's so petty but I'm annoyed.

OP posts:
FlashTheSloth · 15/03/2018 21:57

We don't really get unexpected visitors, but I wouldn't be thrilled if we did. I have plans on what I want to do, even when it's slumming it on the sofa in my pyjamas, which it is most nights, and I hate being interrupted and having to change what I want to do. I certainly wouldn't appreciate anyone coming at that time of night or anyone walking into my home. Even if the door is unlocked, that doesn't give her the right to walk in!

FissionChips · 15/03/2018 21:58

YANBU, she behaved outrageously.

MammaTJ · 15/03/2018 21:59

I would not have answered the door in those circumstances.

I would have just continued to not hear.

I really do frequently not answer the door if I m not expecting anyone. The regular 'poppers in' know this and shout 'Hi TJ its XXXXX' in the hope that if I am in I will answer.

I am a sociable person but on my terms due to my anxiety. They understand.

DeadGood · 15/03/2018 22:01

No it’s not petty and you know it OP! She absolutely should not have done that. Did she pick up that you weren’t happy?

Original poster
Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 22:05

To be honest she was probably banging on the door for ages because I had music on through my earphones. I was then lurking about for my dressing gown which I had left downstairs so had to just wrap a towel round myself by which time she walked in.

I shouted down that I was in the bath and I heard her going in to the living room and dropping something off. I didn't want to go downstairs in a towel that was on the short side as it was.
It just ruffled my feathers. Obviously if it was 6 or 7pm it wouldn't have been as bad but by 9.45 you aren't expecting people to just pop in.
If she had woken dd I would have been raging.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 15/03/2018 22:08

Could you tell her she woke DD and make her feel guilty? Or is that evil? Grin

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 15/03/2018 22:08

YANBU. Popping in on anyone at any time of day is extremely rude.

I just don’t answer the door if I’m not expecting anyone.

LetsGoBitches · 15/03/2018 22:08

MammaTJ, as far as I can make out from the OPs first post, the OPs MIL let herself in.

OP you need to get your DH to get the key off his mum and to tell her it’s not on to pop around.

Hope you enjoy your bath now!

Original poster
Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 22:12

I'm almost tempted to tell her me and dh were fooling around that's why we didn't come to the door...that would prevent any popping in from now on. Grin

OP posts:
PasstheStarmix · 15/03/2018 22:12

Oh OP I would have hated that and I would have got such a fright. When you’re tired and relaxing at the time of night you aren’t expecting unannounced visitors. I think I’d have hid and then used the I was on the bath and couldn’t get to the door in time excuse (only that wouldn’t have been an excuse in your case.)

PasstheStarmix · 15/03/2018 22:13

in*

BackforGood · 15/03/2018 22:13

YABU to state it is rude to pop in (at all). In my world, it is friendly.

However,, once you get to the detail of it being 10pm, then I'd agree, yes, it is rude.

I can't get my head round the fact you are wandering round naked / getting in the bath without your doors being locked though Hmm

Original poster
Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 22:15

I don't normally but dh is due home and he doesn't have his key

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 15/03/2018 22:15

Just knew this would be a mil. Grin

PasstheStarmix · 15/03/2018 22:16

Ilovemaryberry Haha yes you should just come out with ‘well actually MIL me and dh were going at it like hammer....dd was in bed and 10pm is our Wink time and we couldn’t tear ourselves away...sorry about that.’

cucaracha · 15/03/2018 22:18

Of course it's rude, it means that people believe their time is more valuable than yours: you have to change your schedule to accommodate them without warning, how could that not be rude?

I have a solution: keep your house like a showroom. No one ever pops in when the house is spotless and the cleaner's just been.
If the house is a tip, you've been up all night with a sick kid, and it's embarrassing even by my standards, you are guaranteed to have unexpected visitors.
Every. single. time.

BertrandRussell · 15/03/2018 22:19

Well, unless you're posting still naked it must have been 9.30 rather than almost 10.00......why would you panic if someone knocked on your door at 9.30?

Thinkingofausername1 · 15/03/2018 22:21

My in laws have suddenly started doing this and always when we are cooking dinner- it then feels awkward; because we can't hold a proper conversation with them and they leave disappointed.

LeighaJ · 15/03/2018 22:23

Always so rude. I wonder how far up one's own arse do you have to be to think its okay to do that.