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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its rude to pop in

167 replies

Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 21:47

Just found myself in a situation. Having a relaxing night to myself. I'm naked about to jump in the bath and listening to some music with my earphones in.
I take my earphones off to hear the door going like crazy. Dd is in bed asleep and I'm home alone so I start to panic it's an emergency. I can't find my fucking dressing gown and I'm looking for a towel. Then my mil just waltzes in dropping something off.
It's almost 10pm ffs and no warning at all.

I hate when anyone just pops by without any prior warning. I wouldn't do it to anyone else. I even call my own mother and ask if she's busy even though she wouldn't bother if I did pop round. I just find it totally intrusive.
I am now on edge. Ffs.

I had door unlocked for dh as he's due home soon. But I will be locking it from now on. Although that doesn't make a difference because the lights are on and she knows I'm home.

OP posts:
diddl · 16/03/2018 08:30

Any idea why she was dropping something off so late?

Was it arranged with her son?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 08:37

No frasier it's not the same as what your MIL does. We can assume the OP's doesn't do this regularly or I'm sure she would have said. Yes it was fairly late but as a one off and the fact she was bringing something round that someone in the house possibly needed, I really don't think it's that bad.

I can think of a few times that either SIL, PILs or DS have just turned up unannounced to tell us something important, to drop something off or to ask to borrow something later on in the evening but as they're family it wasn't a problem. Certainly nothing to be outraged or fuming about anyway!

diddl · 16/03/2018 08:41

"Who "knocks for ages" because they "knew someone was in" because "lights were on" though?! "

Someone who's dropping something off?

frasier · 16/03/2018 09:02

diddl What, like a kidney that's urgently needed?

She obviously didn't ask or even tell anyone she was coming.

Some people have no social skills.

diddl · 16/03/2018 09:13

Well like you, frasier I don't know for sure.

Might have been important or arranged with her son or not.

Or she might just be clueless/thoughtless/selfish...

PasstheStarmix · 16/03/2018 09:16

I agree with @WheresTheHooferDoofer and also hate it when some people think it’s okay to text last minute about coming over and then if you have plans and can’t agree to it they get abit huffed!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 09:18

It was 10pm not 2am. I've had a neighbour knock on at 11ish once to pick up a parcel that had been delivered.. she was very apologetic but explained it was a blouse she needed for an interview the next morning. Not the end of the world by a long shot.

dangerrabbit · 16/03/2018 09:19

Are you me, OP?

I remember the time my MIL and FIL dropped in at 10.30pm on a Sunday night with my MILs sister and her husband. I was in my holey pyjamas glueing together some furniture and they stood around me and gave me feedback on my progress. Finally at 11pm I washed my hands and went to sit down to make conversation and MIL promptly left the moment I sat down because “it was getting late and she didn’t want to disturb us”. 🙄
I’m an introvert and don’t like poppers in at any time of the day or night but as DP comes from a different culture from me where it is very normal to pop in I reluctantly put up with it for the sake of marital harmony.

GrannyGrissle · 16/03/2018 10:38

Please please lock the door. You would be so vulnerable in the bath (with headphones on?) and DS asleep. It gives me the shivers thinking about it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 10:42

I know Granny me too. The MIL is the least of the OP's worries where uninvited guests are concerned when the door is unlocked!

princesspxx · 16/03/2018 15:25

Omg I would HATE This! I can’t stand it when people turn up unannounced, especially that late. It’s not hard to send a text saying they are coming, or just ask is it ok if I come!! Xx

BertrandRussell · 16/03/2018 15:31

“It was 10pm not 2am“

Not even that late. Must have been 9.30 at the latest.

frasier · 16/03/2018 15:54

Calling around and knocking because you see lights on is one thing. Knocking and knocking at "nearly ten" and then walking in is not on.

The OP said she knew she was home alone and hadn't asked (or even told her) if it was OK.

I get why the OP was annoyed.

I wonder whether the MIL would do that to her next door neighbours or colleague from work or whoever? I just think everyone should be treated with the same courtesy, relation or no.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/03/2018 16:04

I just think everyone should be treated with the same courtesy, relation or no.

That really is a sad state of affairs, in my honest opinion. Having the same expectations of family with Bob or Jane from work or next door is really a sad state of affairs.

My sister has a key to my apartment and will often let herself in for lunch or dinner whether I'm there or not. It matters not to me. I would take issue with it if one of my colleagues did that though.

I often call my closest friends by nicknames that would land me in a disciplinary meeting if I tried it with (some) of my colleagues. It would be a miserable life for me if I adopted your way of seeing this @frasier, but each to their own.

paxillin · 16/03/2018 16:11

I had a great aunt who didn't answer the phone or the door unless you wrote first about your impending call or visit. This was in the 80s and she was really eccentric. She'd fit in well on MN.

trickyboots · 16/03/2018 16:14

Yanbu. No need for it in the age of mobiles. Check first.

Cheekyandfreaky · 16/03/2018 16:19

Please don’t take a bath with your headphones in whilst your child sleeps in an unlocked house with no one else in. WTF?!

Your MIL is not the problem.

clippityclop · 16/03/2018 16:23

My mum would always tidy up In Case Anyone Comes and I think I've inherited her drop-in-ready gene. The difference is that before I had the children I used to worry about it, but now I don't. I pop in on people I'm happy to have pop in on me, and we take each other as we find. Anyone else I ring first. But I never leave the door unlocked.

Davespecifico · 16/03/2018 16:23

It depend so on whether or not it’s somwthing they’ve been used to throughout their lives.

I suspect in this case, it’s like a cat marking their territory.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 16:26

Frasier family is not the same as neighbours and colleagues by any stretch. Well mine aren't. Family should be comfortable calling round especially in this instance where it wasn't for a chat or a brew but to drop something off ( which we still don't know what it was )

OutyMcOutface · 16/03/2018 16:31

Well yes. It’s very rude.

frasier · 16/03/2018 16:51

GreatDuckCookery But the OP obviously isn't comfortable with it! I wouldn't be comfortable with my ILs doing it either.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 16:54

Frasier my comment was in reply to your comment about whether MIL would do the same to her neighbour or colleague.

frasier · 16/03/2018 17:06

GreatDuckCookery Yes and my comment was in reply to that. I think MIL should treat her DIL in the same way as she would treat anyone else. Not as if her DIL's home was her own. You think differently, fair enough. But OP and I aren't comfortable with MIL's walking in. Not all of us are close enough to our ILs to want them doing that.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 17:35

Goodness me chill. We don't know if this was an act of kindness or what. I highly doubt the MIL just had the idea of " I know what I'll just go round and annoy DIL and take round whatever it was " do you?

If she'd gone round and said she wanted a brew and a chat that would have been slightly different yes, but she's family!

Would you be so annoyed and put out if your mum popped round to bring you something without ringing?