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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think its rude to pop in

167 replies

Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 21:47

Just found myself in a situation. Having a relaxing night to myself. I'm naked about to jump in the bath and listening to some music with my earphones in.
I take my earphones off to hear the door going like crazy. Dd is in bed asleep and I'm home alone so I start to panic it's an emergency. I can't find my fucking dressing gown and I'm looking for a towel. Then my mil just waltzes in dropping something off.
It's almost 10pm ffs and no warning at all.

I hate when anyone just pops by without any prior warning. I wouldn't do it to anyone else. I even call my own mother and ask if she's busy even though she wouldn't bother if I did pop round. I just find it totally intrusive.
I am now on edge. Ffs.

I had door unlocked for dh as he's due home soon. But I will be locking it from now on. Although that doesn't make a difference because the lights are on and she knows I'm home.

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 15/03/2018 22:24

My Fil did this once. Dh and I were watching the BBC news so it was gone 10pm. We suddenly heard a key turn in our front door. In waltzes Fil. He’d been working late up the farm so thought he’d pop in for a cup of tea. I told Dh to have a word about privacy.

He also brought a friend round from the farm when we were out one day. Casually informed me that him & mate had gone round for a cup of tea but I wasn’t there so he’d let them in with his spare key. My house was a fucking shit tip that day, the dcs were off school and I’d done no housework all week. He’s passed away since then so it’s not a problem anymore but I was pretty annoyed at the time. And embarrassed at my slovenly housekeeping.

Neverender · 15/03/2018 22:24

I'd genuinely hate that, YANBU, tell her anything you like to make sure it doesn't happen again.

BugsyMcGee · 15/03/2018 22:28

We moved and haven't told anybody where to yet, it's bliss. When the door goes I know it's not someone I know.

It's a bit of an extreme way to stop people rudely showing up when you're trying to relax though, I get that.

Kahlua4me · 15/03/2018 22:28

It’s normal in my world too BackforGood. We always have people popping in and I am happy with it.

I would be unnerved if it was 10pm though and dh was out, although would probably answer anyway..

PasstheStarmix · 15/03/2018 22:30

I watch too many horror movies so an over pronounced bang on the front door after dark would seriously unnerve me Shock

user1485778793 · 15/03/2018 22:31

My in laws used to do this.

We've secretly changed the locks... would love to see their faces if they tried it again haha

toffee1000 · 15/03/2018 22:33

Yes it’s rude. Surely it’s cimmon courtesy to let someone know you’re coming?? Even if you have a key.

toffee1000 · 15/03/2018 22:33

Common. WTF is cimmon??

BarbarianMum · 15/03/2018 22:38

I don't think it's rude to pop in if you are just dropping something off, collecting something or just want a quick word. Wouldn't bother me at all - as long as you're not planning to stay long.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/03/2018 22:38

I like people popping in - but I suspect it is a really marmite thing - and those of us who like poppers-in will never understand those who don’t, and vice versa.

So I think it depends. If you know the person you are popping in on, and know they are fine with it, then great, crack on. But if you know they don’t - or if it is outside of normal popping in hours (at a rough estimate, 10am to 6pm weekdays, maybe afternoons at weekends, but evenings/night times are a no-no except in an emergency - which this was not).

When the dses were little, I had a number of friends and we all happily popped in on each other, but when we moved up to Scotland, I found that people really don’t pop in on each other where I live now - and there is a part of me that misses it. I am a bit of an anxious introvert, so I worry about the risk of rejection, if I ask someone round or try to arrange to go to theirs - so knowing people will pop in suits me - but on the other hand, I have got used to a lot of alone time - ds1 has graduated and lives and works in Kent, ds2 is at home but doing his PGDE, ds3 is away at university, and dh works away a lot so now, whilst I do like seeing friends, I also need my solitude too.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/03/2018 22:38

I like people popping in - but I suspect it is a really marmite thing - and those of us who like poppers-in will never understand those who don’t, and vice versa.

So I think it depends. If you know the person you are popping in on, and know they are fine with it, then great, crack on. But if you know they don’t - or if it is outside of normal popping in hours (at a rough estimate, 10am to 6pm weekdays, maybe afternoons at weekends, but evenings/night times are a no-no except in an emergency - which this was not).

When the dses were little, I had a number of friends and we all happily popped in on each other, but when we moved up to Scotland, I found that people really don’t pop in on each other where I live now - and there is a part of me that misses it. I am a bit of an anxious introvert, so I worry about the risk of rejection, if I ask someone round or try to arrange to go to theirs - so knowing people will pop in suits me - but on the other hand, I have got used to a lot of alone time - ds1 has graduated and lives and works in Kent, ds2 is at home but doing his PGDE, ds3 is away at university, and dh works away a lot so now, whilst I do like seeing friends, I also need my solitude too.

StillMe1 · 15/03/2018 22:38

I would never leave the door unlocked. Nor would I be going about naked or about to get in the bath if the door was not fully locked. I would have expected anyone planning to call to phone first. I have keys to certain relatives' houses. Some people have keys to my house. None ever uses the keys and will not until there is an emergency situation.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/03/2018 22:38

I like people popping in - but I suspect it is a really marmite thing - and those of us who like poppers-in will never understand those who don’t, and vice versa.

So I think it depends. If you know the person you are popping in on, and know they are fine with it, then great, crack on. But if you know they don’t - or if it is outside of normal popping in hours (at a rough estimate, 10am to 6pm weekdays, maybe afternoons at weekends, but evenings/night times are a no-no except in an emergency - which this was not).

When the dses were little, I had a number of friends and we all happily popped in on each other, but when we moved up to Scotland, I found that people really don’t pop in on each other where I live now - and there is a part of me that misses it. I am a bit of an anxious introvert, so I worry about the risk of rejection, if I ask someone round or try to arrange to go to theirs - so knowing people will pop in suits me - but on the other hand, I have got used to a lot of alone time - ds1 has graduated and lives and works in Kent, ds2 is at home but doing his PGDE, ds3 is away at university, and dh works away a lot so now, whilst I do like seeing friends, I also need my solitude too.

10pm is definitely too late to pop in, though.

Original poster
Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 22:48

And to clarify yes I was still naked when posting. I will be until morning. BlushConfused

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/03/2018 22:53

YANBU, she behaved outrageously.

She really didn't.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/03/2018 22:54

What was she dropping off anyway?

AjasLipstick · 15/03/2018 22:57

YANBU! Last night, DH and I were getting intimate in bed at about 10.45 when his phone pinged.

It was the PTA woman advising us that there would be a cake sale at school on Monday lunchtime so can all children bring a gold coin.

wtf? At 10.45pm I do NOT want to think about Annabelle the PTA woman when I'm shagging!

Wdigin2this · 15/03/2018 22:57

That would really p**s me off!

frasier · 15/03/2018 23:08

My MIL actually caused a HUGE row between SIL and her boyfriend by doing that. She turned up uninvited one day and when no one answered the door she started hammering and shouting that she knew they were in. Eventually SIL let her in and her boyfriend refused to speak to them, stayed in the kitchen and wouldn't come out. (I know this because MIL thought it hilarious and told everyone.)

Her boyfriend's very reasonable opinion was that if you can't feel safe to relax in your own home, where can you feel safe, and he walked out on SIL for a couple of weeks for allowing her mother to invade their home.

MIL doorsteps everyone (except us, NC). If people don't answer the phone to her, she doesn't think "I hope I haven't done anything to annoy them" like a normal person... she turns up on their doorstep, even if it's a long journey, to confront them.

StaplesCorner · 15/03/2018 23:12

You have a door problem AND a mother in law problem. If you were to lock the door that would solve one but as for the other she's an entitled bitch, does she have form?

VladmirsPoutine · 15/03/2018 23:14

This type of thing is akin to kicking a puppy on MN.

I would be fine with it. But each to their own.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/03/2018 23:20

Grin you're not wrong Vladimir. I don't know anyone in RL that would have a cats bum face and hand wring over a member of the family calling by - even it was 10pm. The cries of entitled bitch and outrageous behaviour are batshit weird!

TwentySmackeroos · 15/03/2018 23:24

Popping by during normal hours = fine

Letting oneself into a house when there is a child asleep and another adult either asleep or orherwise occupied who has elected not to answer the door = not fine. In any land.

Ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/03/2018 23:26

I don't know anyone in RL who doesn't get annoyed by people "Popping in". They are just too polite to tell them.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/03/2018 23:27

I would expect family to try the door if they saw the lights were on. It's family not some random person of the street.