To think its rude to pop in

[Ilovemaryberry]

Just found myself in a situation. Having a relaxing night to myself. I'm naked about to jump in the bath and listening to some music with my earphones in.
I take my earphones off to hear the door going like crazy. Dd is in bed asleep and I'm home alone so I start to panic it's an emergency. I can't find my fucking dressing gown and I'm looking for a towel. Then my mil just waltzes in dropping something off.
It's almost 10pm ffs and no warning at all.

I hate when anyone just pops by without any prior warning. I wouldn't do it to anyone else. I even call my own mother and ask if she's busy even though she wouldn't bother if I did pop round. I just find it totally intrusive.
I am now on edge. Ffs.

I had door unlocked for dh as he's due home soon. But I will be locking it from now on. Although that doesn't make a difference because the lights are on and she knows I'm home.

WhalesOfYore

Your home is your castle, OP - you don't have to tolerate this kind of fuckery from anyone

.

Fucking hell the level of batshittery on this thread is hilarious.

Dramatics verging on hysteria. With a nice sprinkle of nastiness.

Yes, totally unreasonable.. I have never considered' just popping in' at all normal and at 10 PM to me it is way out of order. Personally would not phone a family member after 9 ( and would not call at the house of a family member unless invited.) If you are assertive you would just say 'its really not a good time, so I'm going to have to let you go'. If passive aggression is more your style; get the hoover out and start using it. I actually did this once with my partners family and to my amazement it did not phase them or prompt them to leave. Some people do not pick up the signals and need a more direct approach.

I hate ‘popper inners’ yanbu, I think it’s rude. My in laws seem to think it’s fine to just turn up with their unruly kids whenever they like, sending my kids equally unruly and I’m usually just there in my house joggers looking like shit and expected to entertain. Drives me mad! Generally if I’m home, I’m not dressed for company and do not want visitors seeing me in my slobbing gear. DH doesn’t see the problem, I guess that’s why his family think it’s ok too. My side of the family are much more private, my mother hates being disturbed at home too, so it probably breeds on. Unfortunately we live on the school route, so we get lots of people calling in on the way to walk with dcs. It’s annoying, as we’re not always quite ready, but I’d never complain as it’s really comforting to know that there are children who want to walk with mine, so I put up and shut up on that one!

I wonder what it would be like to live according to all the Mumsnet rules......
I'll remember this thread next time I take in a neighbour's parcel-watch for their lights to come on, go across, knock, open the door, put it on their hall stand, call "Just dropping off a parcel!" shut the door and go home. Maybe I should write a note then wait for an invitation......

Think boundaries can be very different with different individuals and different families; so lots of potential for misunderstanding and conflict. Someone (unknown to me) who I fell into conversation with recently said to me 'I'll call round for a brew sometime'.To me this is totally inappropriate. So its either A) I'm standoffish or B) they are pushy/intrusive. Make up your own mind according to your own standards.

BertrandRussell I don't know anyone in real life who would be outraged and pissed off like some of the posters on this thread.

Sad state of affairs really.

I often think that on MN threads GreatDuck

Me too Back

The people that don't like popper in people on this thread and the people who do like them are both rude on here to be honest. Get a grip you are all grown women, we all have the right to feel differently about things! Grow the fuck up!

If you are a private person you would feel an invasion of privacy if someone walked into your house without knocking. And another thing... you might be sending your kids the message that its o.k. for anyone to just walk into the house because you accept it.

Strange reaction there Downstairs.

@BertrandRussell You should do no such thing! What you should do is start a thread on AIBU about your entitled neighbours that think you're basically their parcel-receiving dogsbody then wait the them to come to ask for the parcel (all whilst live-updating the thread).

And when they arrive treat them with scorn and declare that you will never take in another parcel for them ever again. Be sure to word your post as if you had earlier that week donated a kidney to said neighbour and they didn't even thank you.

Haha Vladimir
I often wonder if people read back their comments and wonder if they realise how uptight and downright mean they come across on here. Must be hardwork being like that.

GreatDuck AIBU posting is all about testing your views against a panel of experts in real life; like yourself to see if they actually might be unreasonable and maybe even change their mind about what they first posted . For my part I honestly like hearing other peoples opinions and seeing the differences between people.

I live in a small village and were very close to our neighbours, they pop by all the time (which is great! My LG is only 9 weeks old so they get a cuddle from her and I run a hoover round or do the dishes).
I think it's different with family tho especially in laws, my father in law will often randomly appear (he lives quite far away) but it will without fail b when we've been working loads and the house is a mess so it does a not me probably just because I would prefer to pretend I'm a domestic goddess (I'm really not!) to my in-laws.

I'm a popper. Just popped in at my mums. My cousin was there and my aunt turned up. All normal in my family. We all live nearby for a reason. Wouldnt want the inlaws popping in tho. Its not the popping i would object to, but the company. 😁

Rude

I think whether ‘popping in’ is okay depends on how close the people in question are.

Today I have semi-expected visitors - haven't said definitely whether they'll be coming! One adult, one teen, so 2 beds, 2 bedrooms and their bathroom to blitz, not to mention rest of house - the adult is used to having a live-in maid to keep everything pristine. Had to make sure to have my glasses on so I could see the dust...

The adult's mother visited with her once some years ago, and the first thing she said was, 'How do you manage without a maid?'

Still, if they don't come, at least the house is (relatively) clean and tidy....

Just off to pop in to a neighbour whose dd is in hospital to drop off some soup and bread and offer to take her dog out. If she’s not in, i’ll use my key (we have keys to each other’s houses in case our teenagers lose theirs) to let myself in and leave the stuff on her kitchen table.

I fully expect to find myself logged on 101 by this evening...........

Bertrand you clearly have prior experience of doing this sort of thing, and do it regularly if you have each other’s keys.

Nope. Never done it before. I’ve never actually been into her house before!

Bertrand . Let's hope none of your neighbours are MNers with that dodgy behaviour.
Tbf, I cleared snow from 2 neighbours drives today without their express permission first. Nor did I text them an let them know I was going to do it. I did also knock on the door of the one house, without any sort of appointment to see if they were warm enough and if they needed anything from the shops - or, even more shockingly, that I could just give them from my pantry. Might see a thread about my overbearing interference later.