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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its rude to pop in

167 replies

Ilovemaryberry · 15/03/2018 21:47

Just found myself in a situation. Having a relaxing night to myself. I'm naked about to jump in the bath and listening to some music with my earphones in.
I take my earphones off to hear the door going like crazy. Dd is in bed asleep and I'm home alone so I start to panic it's an emergency. I can't find my fucking dressing gown and I'm looking for a towel. Then my mil just waltzes in dropping something off.
It's almost 10pm ffs and no warning at all.

I hate when anyone just pops by without any prior warning. I wouldn't do it to anyone else. I even call my own mother and ask if she's busy even though she wouldn't bother if I did pop round. I just find it totally intrusive.
I am now on edge. Ffs.

I had door unlocked for dh as he's due home soon. But I will be locking it from now on. Although that doesn't make a difference because the lights are on and she knows I'm home.

OP posts:
frasier · 16/03/2018 17:43

It is the trying the door and walking in the house that is the annoying bit, not the popping round!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 17:46

I have no problem with family letting themselves in tbh. There's nothing to hide here Grin poor PILs have seen me in my dressing gown and hair all the over the whilst hungover many a time.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/03/2018 17:49

Your poor PILs GreatDuck Grin

I think they should start an AIBU about you!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/03/2018 17:51

Nah they're as bad as me GrinWine

Original poster
Ilovemaryberry · 16/03/2018 19:59

The irony was she was dropping something off for me to give to someone else Hmm

OP posts:
woodhill · 16/03/2018 20:01

Ok in day if given prior warning but at 10 pm no way

PasstheStarmix · 16/03/2018 20:05

Ilovemaryberry Why wouldn’t MIL just give it directly to that person?

PistFump · 16/03/2018 20:11

Properly fucks me off. My in laws did it a couple of weekends ago whilst I was pottering about still in my nighty - I had to leave them on the doorstep whilst I ran upstairs to get dressed. A call or text to say they're on their way is good manners.

bridgetreilly · 16/03/2018 20:19

Popping in is one thing. Doing it at 10pm is quite another. Totally unacceptable.

Dieu · 16/03/2018 20:44

Out of interest, what was she dropping off? If she was just passing and the dropping off (of whatever it was!) was a favour to either you or your husband, then I would find it hard to get worked up about this. Maybe it was convenient and she just took her chance. Agree that she really ought to have texted/checked first though. Laughing at the poster who said she 'behaved outrageously'. I can't begin to imagine how uptight some people must be in real life.

Dieu · 16/03/2018 20:45

Aah, ok, just read that she dropped off something to be given to someone else. In that case, YANBU.

tillytrotter1 · 16/03/2018 23:53

If we are visiting out daughter and family invited I wouldn't just walk in, I always ring the bell and wait, wouldn't dream of doing otherwise.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 17/03/2018 00:19

I can now understand why burglary rates are so high if people leave their doors unlocked. It's like an invitation to an opportunist thief - I'm upstairs in the bath, I can't hear you and you won't be disturbed for quite a while!

Op, please think more seriously about your personal safety and home security. I know I've missed the point about your MIL walking in uninvited but you have put yourself at an unnecessary risk this evening.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2018 08:05

I guess it depends how comfortable and close you are as a family whether it's rude or offensive to you. I wouldn't be offended by anyone in the family calling round at 10pm to drop something off and trying the door if I didn't answer. It's usually locked and definitely would be at that time of night but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

I've had friends, neighbours and family pop by later on in the evening over the years for all sorts of things - picking up parcels, being locked out and needing their spare, wanting to borrow my hairdryer as theirs has just blown up, borrowing false tan (!) Grin all sorts of things.

Forevertired19 · 17/03/2018 08:09

Get dh to take a key and lock yourselves in. You can never be too careful anyway especially with dd in bed at home. (I know you were expecting him but there seems to be a thing here where people are just strolling in and taking things) but tell them. No one should just be barging into your home.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 17/03/2018 08:14

Forever there's always a mixed opinion on MN regarding locking your front door. Some people always do and feel safer that way but others leave it unlocked and don't feel they're at risk of a burglary.

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2018 08:20

I hate the idea of a friend or family waiting on my doorstep because I was in the loo or the attic or something and didn't hear the door. If it's open, come in!

Lethaldrizzle · 17/03/2018 08:23

I'm amazed at all the people with unlocked doors

exLtEveDallas · 17/03/2018 08:31

I wouldn't be impressed at a visitor at half 9, 10pm. I'm either in the shower or watching a favourite TV programme in my scruffs. It was also wake DH and disturb the dogs. So I'd find it rude.

I get that lots of people are night owls and say it wouldn't bother them, but I'm the opposite, up no later than 05:30 every day and there is not chance in hell that I would inflict a visit to a friend/family member at 6am (my 'normal') - I'd cringe at being so rude.

Permane · 17/03/2018 08:35

YANBU. I wouldn't leave my door unlocked though, especially at 10 pm, for almost any reason.

I like the idea of having a home that welcomes popping in - a friendly hive of activity. Neighbours and friends houses used to be like this when I was a kid. It was normal to arrive at someones backdoor, give a quick knock and let yourself in with a friendly hello (family/closer friends).

In reality I don't like it at all! I just accept this about myself now (even though its not who I would ideally like to be), DH is the same way - possibly even more so. I think it is partly related to the fact that I just don't expect anyone to pop in now - almost everyone I know will ring/text first, and I think that is the modern way and the default unless told otherwise.

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2018 08:38

I lock my doors when I'm out and when I go to bed.

PasstheStarmix · 17/03/2018 09:17

I lock my doors day or night. I don’t feel we live in a time sadly where it’s safe to leave doors unlocked anymore.

BackforGood · 17/03/2018 15:09

I too, am often surprised at the number of people on MN who leave their doors unlocked. I don't know about "this day and age", I'm mid-fifties and have never lived in a house where you don't need a key to get in.

WhalesOfYore · 17/03/2018 15:29

Your home is your castle, OP - you don't have to tolerate this kind of fuckery from anyone.

toffee1000 · 17/03/2018 15:30

We can’t leave our front door unlocked. If it’s closed, it’s locked, you can’t get inside without a key.