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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad has fallen out with me over "crap" Xmas present

176 replies

lilly0 · 26/02/2018 08:03

I dropped into my dad's house yesterday he was watching the football he seemed a bit grumpy with me , I haven't seen him much since Xmas maybe twice (this isn't usual for me) just been very busy as OH is working away and with work and looking after DD everything is a bit hectic.
Every penny I've been earning has been going on debt repayments I'm determined to be debt free , I spent mostly on the kids and got little tidbits for adults my dad has a good job, paid his house off. My dad started going on at me because I apparently bought him a crap Christmas gift , it was his birthday and I sent him a birthday email instead of card, he kicked off saying I spent nothing on him my Xmas gift was rubbish and I didn't get him a card that's why he hasn't come round to visit me and DD
AIBU to think my dad is rude and pathetic ? He earns much more than I do , I'm skint and well parents you know are supposed to to understand , In-laws would never be so rude to say that.

OP posts:
PurpleWithRed · 26/02/2018 08:06

Does he have form for behaving like a spoilt kid? Can you pull him up on it?

cygnet12 · 26/02/2018 08:06

That's terrible! What a child!!

HoneyDragon · 26/02/2018 08:07

You can get a decent birthday card for 29p and busting your dad for half an hour on his birthday would cost nothing. He’s hurt as you’ve not made an effort because you have deemed him a low priority and he’s aware of it.

EduCated · 26/02/2018 08:07

Rude and unnecessary from him, although a birthday email does seem a bit impersonal. Have you talked to him about paying off your debts, and that that’s where your spare money is going?

KellyBailey · 26/02/2018 08:07

You are both unreasonable. Its rude to complain about a present being crap but it's also pretty poor to not even get someone a birthday card.

MumGoneMild · 26/02/2018 08:08

I'd send hima text saying all this then tell him he's acting like a really shit parent and leave it.

He's a grown up, whining over presents, majking his daughter feel bad, fuck him.
I've got no time for that shit.

Original poster
lilly0 · 26/02/2018 08:09

Good so I'm not being overly offended then I did speak to DP and he thought my dad was being ridiculous, think I will be going on holiday for Christmas this year , so can't be arsed with the pressure.

OP posts:
zippey · 26/02/2018 08:09

Sorry, you can get a card for 29p but not a decent one.

Children is for the kids. But he is being childish about this.

Jammycustard · 26/02/2018 08:10

What a baby

Backscratchesforever · 26/02/2018 08:11

An email to your dad for his birthday? That is pretty shitty!
Your kids could have made one, card factory do 10 cards for £1.

Chunkymonkey123 · 26/02/2018 08:11

If you explained you were repaying the debt so spending less at Christmas fair enough. But if you accepted gifts from him and then gave something cheap in response that’s not ok.

A birthday email is very rude. My parents would be upset that I didn’t bother with a card. You could have got your children to make him a card for pennies. I think he’s upset about the lack of love shown.
The fact that he has more more is irrelevant when it comes to putting thought in to make someone feel appreciated.

Ragwort · 26/02/2018 08:12

Good grief, do grown adults really behave like this? Shock

My parents are the opposite, constantly telling me not to spend 'my hard earned money on them', if I ask what they would like they say things like 'oooh some nice bubble bath or chocolate biscuits would be a real treat; - at the same time that they give me a cheque 'to cover Christmas expenses' for over £1k.

Backscratchesforever · 26/02/2018 08:12

“Think I will be going on holiday for Christmas this year”

So you have enough money for a holiday the most expensive time of the year, but not for a card?

lightcola · 26/02/2018 08:13

I think he’s wrong for being grumpy about it, but you were wrong for not making more of an effort. I don’t have much spare cash either but I always get the children to make cards/draw pictures etc. It’s abouy thought rather than cost.

Original poster
lilly0 · 26/02/2018 08:14

I don't know if it's a younger persons thing but I don't get cards I send them to niece and nephews that's it, I don't like people sending them to me I don't like them cluttering up my house then having to throw them in the bin.
I did send him a text as well It isnt a big deal to me if someone doesn't send me a card I prefer them not to but I guess I will keep it in mind and send him one next time.

OP posts:
Fliptopdustbinlid · 26/02/2018 08:17

My dad would be annoyed if he didnt get a birthday card too, as so would i be, so can see his point over that

craigglen · 26/02/2018 08:19

It sounds like you not sending him a birthday card was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think it's pretty poor that you didn't bother to buy him a card - it doesn't have to be expensive. He's clearly upset as he feels he means so little to you. And the amount of money he has is irrelevant....

Original poster
lilly0 · 26/02/2018 08:21

Birthday cards seem to be the same thing no thought put in it always To and then from which to me is impersonal, I did write him the email with my own greeting and photo of DD and granddad , I thought it was nice ?

OP posts:
BadPolicy · 26/02/2018 08:22

How you feel about receiving cards doesn't matter, clearly it's important to your dad. Also, it takes more effort to buy card than send an email. I can see why he's upset.

WitchesHatRim · 26/02/2018 08:23

An email to your dad for his birthday? That is pretty shitty!

I agree.

think I will be going on holiday for Christmas this year

If you are actually thinking of this then your debts aren't that bad.

isthismummy · 26/02/2018 08:23

Both my parents would be furious if I didn't get them a present for their birthdays. I have been skint many times, but I've still managed a token gift. These people raised you ffs!

I'd be pissed if I was your dad too. I'd be even more pissed if you buggered off on holiday next Xmas after pleading poverty.

Chocrock · 26/02/2018 08:24

A card doesn’t cost much. Your time doesn’t either.
I’m sure your dad would have loved to spend time with you on his birthday couldn’t you invite him over for a meal to make it up to him.

Elllicam · 26/02/2018 08:24

I can see his point with the card, there’s not that much expense in making/buying a cheap card and a cake or something.

craigglen · 26/02/2018 08:25

Your email sounds nice and clearly you put thought into it and thought he would like it. His expectations sound different (and it is fairly usual to send a card to a parent). I can understand why he's hurt but you clearly didn't mean it and thought your gesture would mean a lot to him. Why not talk to him and tell him that you thought the email was more personal and didn't realise he would be upset not to receive a card? It's not worth falling out over - I hope you can sort it with him soon.

Bluelady · 26/02/2018 08:25

He's hurt over the lack of effort for his birthday, so would I be. How hard is it to buy a card? I'd be pretty disappointed in my son if all he managed was an email. Some years I get nothing because he's forgotten but that's a different issue.

I think you're both to blame, him for making an issue over a Christmas present - was it thoughtless as well as cheap? And you for not making any effort for his birthday. How would you feel if he just sent you an email on yours?

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