Hen Do

[TheDeuteragonist]

So, I'm getting married this year. DSis is Maid of Honour and took on the responsibility of planning my hen do. Fine by me, I'm pretty laid back.

Got a text from her saying 'Hen do booked and guess what??? We are going for a week!'

We hadn't agreed dates at this point, so I asked her when so I could book the time off work.

She told me the dates and I put in for the time off...-and my boss came back and said someone had already booked that week off and I couldn't have it off.

I fed this back to DSis. Response was 'but it's already booked...they can't not give you the time off...you'll have to call in sick(!!!)'

I have attempted to negotiate the time off at work to no avail as there's no cover. For more context, DSis is a teacher and hen do is booked during school hols, so wouldn't have been an issue for her.

So now, the hen do is booked, everyone has the time off BUT me and I'm not able to go on my own hen do.

I've explained it multiple times and I don't think DSIs has made any attempt to see if she can cancel/change dates. In fact, I'm told she's still organising activities.

AIBU to think this is totally ridiculous and DSis really just fancied a week holiday?? It's patently obvious it's not about me, at all.

This is bonkers. I'd be very upset if I was in your position. Your sister sounds like a bit of a dickhead.

Just don’t go and leave them to it.
Who organises a weeks holiday without checking availability of the main participant!!
She sounds incredibly selfish.

Your sister sounds really dumb to have booked this without checking with you and all the hens first. A week is also far far too long for hen do. I'd be getting her to check the cancellation fees. You might be the most amazing friend and popular woman in your circles but I bet you hardly anyone wants to spend a whole week of their lives on your hen do. I hope you get it sorted and aren't giving your sister anything else important to organise.

I couldn't go anyway. I'm not prepared to call in sick to work for a week and get fired for pulling a sickie!

The upside is that I haven't had to pay any money.

It makes me feel quite sad that all of my close friends will be going off on holiday together and I won't be going.

Ask them not to go. Organise a weekend away yourself. It's not your hen do!

That is totally ridiculous - you need to tell your sister that it's fine if she wants to just go off on a jolly but she still owes you a hen party! It's insane not to check the bride's availability before booking!

The issue is they've all paid and got the time off work.

They got a great deal apparently which is why they booked so quickly. It's not a huge group, DSis, DM, aunt and my 2 closest friends from university.

I said to my sister, again, last night that I could not get the time off and she said if that was the case then she was still going.

A week abroad for a hen do . I wonder how many people will actually be able to go? I bet there will be some drop outs. Your sister was silly to book it without confirming dates with you beforehand.

So weird. What does your mum think?

Get the details and call the hotel etc yourself?

Could you go for a long weekend?

Wow, this is the most ridiculous scenario! I'm sure your two friends from university really want to spend a week on a random holiday with your Dsis, DM and Aunt!!

What does your DM think about it all?!

Atalune, my mum reacts the same way as my sister. Keep trying to get the time off, call in sick...

Again, teacher, so all booked at a time when she hasn't had to worry about this.

They won't tell me where it is as it's a 'surprise' ... a surprise I'll not even have the chance to enjoy.

That's bonkers. Does everyone else know that you can't attend?

What is everyone else saying? I would be so pissed off if I paid for a hen party only to find out there was no hen!!

It kind of epitomises where I come in the pecking order to be honest.

Uni friends go on holiday together all the time, I have DD so I don't get the chance anymore. But they would be perfectly happy going somewhere on the lash for the week together. They get on well with DSis, mum and aunt. I think the thought that they might well go off and do it without me makes it even worse.

I would make sure your friends know, so that they don't end up going away with your family and no hen!
would also keep stressing that you are NOT going, so to stop calling it a hen.
Arrange your own with your friends. Invite the family. They may then start to realise that you are serious!

It isn't a hen party is it? Just a holiday. Just have a meal out locally instead.

How old is your dd? Would you want to leave her for a week anyway?

I think I'd be peed off if I'd booked time off and paid for a hen do and then discovered the bride wasn't going.

That's INCREDIBLY hurtful.

Can we help you compose a message you can send to the group (one you feel comfortable sending) which puts this across?

Ella, DD is 2, will be nearly 3. I was always under the impression it would be a Friday to Monday job. I would miss her but I get so little time away that I can't say I hate the thought of a week of letting my hair down.

I honestly don't know what else to say. DSis was quite reticent about it last night when I mentioned it. Just seemed more outraged that they wouldn't give me the time off. Suggested that I get a sick note for the week, etc.

People seem to think I'll just be able to sort it but I'm in a bind.

I am just stunned. Why on earth would they not have checked dates with you. I would be fuming. Have you explained to your boss what has happened?

This is ridiculous! Nothing should have been booked until details agreed & annual leave sorted.