Hen Do

[TheDeuteragonist]

So, I'm getting married this year. DSis is Maid of Honour and took on the responsibility of planning my hen do. Fine by me, I'm pretty laid back.

Got a text from her saying 'Hen do booked and guess what??? We are going for a week!'

We hadn't agreed dates at this point, so I asked her when so I could book the time off work.

She told me the dates and I put in for the time off...-and my boss came back and said someone had already booked that week off and I couldn't have it off.

I fed this back to DSis. Response was 'but it's already booked...they can't not give you the time off...you'll have to call in sick(!!!)'

I have attempted to negotiate the time off at work to no avail as there's no cover. For more context, DSis is a teacher and hen do is booked during school hols, so wouldn't have been an issue for her.

So now, the hen do is booked, everyone has the time off BUT me and I'm not able to go on my own hen do.

I've explained it multiple times and I don't think DSIs has made any attempt to see if she can cancel/change dates. In fact, I'm told she's still organising activities.

AIBU to think this is totally ridiculous and DSis really just fancied a week holiday?? It's patently obvious it's not about me, at all.

Are they still all having group chat about it?! I bet your uni friends are a bit meh about it now they’ve signed up without knowing you couldn’t go-bet they’re a bit pissed at your sis too!

Madness!

Love the 'taking control' ideas from Longhairmightcare and TitaniasCloset ... You get to assert yourself and also get the hen do you'd enjoy.

So, are we all invited, then?

Yes I want to come! If it's in London and you give me notice we could all turn up, Mumsnet massive

You mentioned that you can’t have that week off because someone else already has, could you approach them to see if they would swap? Assuming you want to go, which you might not now

I wouldn't go now even if I could swap holiday weeks. And I'd invite your work colleagues to your wedding. They sound lovely. Don't let your sister be MoH. She's been a terrible one so far.

This thread has made me so sad. Your sister is being vile. So sorry OP.

Maybe the Daily Mail could pay for a proper night out for you op? Shame your family.

Are they still talking to you about it as if you will be going?

Notasperfect that's a genius idea!

I arranged a surprise trip away for my friends big birthday. I checked the dates with her husband first and got her bosses name, then rang him to book the time off for her. Not difficult, is it! I’d be so pissed off if I were you, OP.

You rang your friend's boss and booked her annual leave, without asking if that was ok? How do you know she wasn't planning on using it for something else?

I'd would not be impressed if someone used up some of my annual leave like that. I decide what time I take off, it's no-one else's place to do that, not even my husband.

Yeah, you're all invited haha! I'm totally up for a big mumsnet hen do

TheDeuteragonist What response have you had from your group message since yesterday? I hope you are able to have a lovely low-key night out (of your choice) with your good friend and maybe your workmates too.
It's your time, no one elses.
Best of luck for your future married life

Bonkers and unreasonable.

You need to tell them very firmly why you can't get the time off or call in sick for a week. I reckon once they understand this they may cancel. And if they don't then I frankly wouldn't want to go with them anyway.

You rang your friend's boss and booked her annual leave, without asking if that was ok? shock How do you know she wasn't planning on using it for something else? I'd would not be impressed if someone used up some of my annual leave like that. I decide what time I take off, it's no-one else's place to do that, not even my husband.

It was 2 days leave as she's part time, I discussed it with her husband in detail first who confirmed she had plenty of hours left to take, that she would love it and needed some time away. She loves surprises and was delighted to be told the night before to pack her bikini and be ready to go to the airport with all her best friends. Sorry this is so unacceptable, hopefully it will never happen to you.

I am totally ignoring it now! I'm not asking about it nor referring to it as hen do. Everyone knows that nothing is going to change!

Local friend is planning something more local but wedding isn't for a good while yet so plenty of time for it.

I have to thank everyone for their responses. It's been nice to get the perspective of others on this!

I completely understand what you mean about going the extra mile to hold onto your 'close' family/friends when your social circle is small.

I have been in the same situation. But after years of making excuses for a selfish 'friend' I decided i was worth more and cut him out of my life.
And whilst it meant I had lost someone from my limited group of friends, it felt like a weight had been lifted and suddenly there is no drama in my life any more!

It's not easy to make friends as an adult. But it doesn't mean you should settle and be treated the way you are being!

And yes of course it is different as this is a family member. So cutting her out completely isn't really an option and probably not an appropriate response. But certainly you should place a higher value on yourself.

You come across as a warm, caring, sensible person. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

@TheDeuteragonist

Did you get things sorted?

Ano it's wrong but get 2 week sick line starting week before this ure hen do everyone going I so would not miss this for work you only live once a job is a job I don't think it should have been booked until u all had time off it's surprise location she's arranged activitys and all ure favourite people will be going and u didn't pay a thing deal of a lifetime they all took time off work paid to go for ure hen and u would rather send them and go to work and hear all the details of ure hen party you only live once live it up