Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family keep ignoring DD's birthday...

144 replies

Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:15

Whilst acknowledging other DC b'days later on in the year.

Certain members of close extended family have ignored DDs Birthday for the past 4 years (she is under 10 years old). It is approaching her birthday and I'm sure it will happen again.

WIBU to tell them to forget giving any of my DC a card/present if they don't acknowledge this forthcoming birthday? No back story or falling out BTW and I have never ever forgotten or even been late with their kids presents.

Pissed off at the fact that they are only excluding one child and for the last couple of years that child has noticed. I'd rather they gave to all or none. I haven't said anything previously as don't want to cause a scene and I'm not too bothered about presents per se, it's more to do with my children not being treated equally.

So do I speak up or keep quiet?

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/01/2018 00:18

Tell them it's all or nothing.. selfish gits Flowers they're all quite happy to receive your gifts for their kids though right Hmm

Bambamber · 14/01/2018 00:18

You need to speak up for your child. I take it you have reminded them In advance that the birthday is approaching?

Bambamber · 14/01/2018 00:19

I realise what is wrote reads quite bluntly towards you, apologies I didn't mean for it to read that way Blush

Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:20

Yip, happy to receive. I suspect it's because she has the misfortune to have a January birthday and they can't be arsed after Christmas. We live in the same town btw.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/01/2018 00:23

if they ignore your childs birthday... you ignore theirs... Flowers

Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:24

Bambamber it seems grabby to mention it in advance. My heart sinks for her when she realises as she adores these relatives and she thinks they don't like her or she has done something wrong.

We just reassure her they have been forgetful and no upset intended but it riles me tbh.

OP posts:
shakingmyhead1 · 14/01/2018 00:25

dont say anything, and when she gets nothing, gift or acknowledgement of her birthday, only send a card for any other birthday coming up, and when questioned say oh i thought we were not doing gifts etc any more. and when questioned on that statement say well for the last 4 years you have obviously trying to tell us you dont want to do birthdays etc as you always miss xxx's birthday, and then say or is it that you just dont like her?

Maelstrop · 14/01/2018 00:28

Stick a Facebook post up days in advance! Make it huge so they can’t ignore and if the6 still do, pa post re how awful that some people forgot, the wankers. You know you want to.

Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:29

shaking that would be a good solution however their DC have had their birthdays and it's too late to do that now.

I'm kicking myself for not having the balls to do this a few years ago. It never bothered me as much until she started to realise herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:30

maelstrop they fully acknowledge her b'day on fb then go no contact for ages afterwards...

OP posts:
Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:33

Gemini I just can't... I love these kids to bits and see them all the time. I'd hate to do that out of spite to their parents.

OP posts:
Sashkin · 14/01/2018 00:34

If they genuinely keep forgetting, you will be doing them a favour by reminding them. I would be mortified to forget a niece’s birthday, and would definitely appreciate a reminder (and a list actually).

If they know full well when her birthday is and just CBA because it’s a bit soon after Christmas, they are an absolute shower of cunts and you should fall out with them over this. Stick up for your poor DD.

Bambamber · 14/01/2018 00:36

What sort of things do you normally do for her birthday? Could you say something along the lines of 'DD is really hoping to see you all around her birthday this year as she often misses family on her birthday' so there's no mention of presents or anything like that

LoniceraJaponica · 14/01/2018 00:36

Just remind them FGS. OH has an early January birthday, and my family don't mind being reminded.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 14/01/2018 00:37

Oh how weird that they acknowledge the birthday but don’t get her anything?
I’d send a group email round suggesting that you just start sending cards for family birthdays from now on. That you know it’s tight for everyone in January but dd is starting to notice she’s the only one out of her and her siblings who gets forgotten.

ohfourfoxache · 14/01/2018 00:42

I know you shouldn’t have to, but could you get and wrap a present from them so that, when they do “forget” she isn’t upset? Then you can at least have it out with them after her birthday has passed so that it doesn’t spoil it for her?

yorkshireyummymummy · 14/01/2018 00:42

I like what corbynsbum says.
It’s direct, fair and non accusatory whilst still hitting the right spot.
I can’t see you getting any better advice than that.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/01/2018 00:42

This is your close family? Why not just tell them how upset dd is about how they give presents to her siblings but not her and see what they say and take it from there?

ohfourfoxache · 14/01/2018 00:43

Sorry, I know that’s not the point but I’m just trying to think how you can protect her from these selfish wankers Angry

LockedOutOfMN · 14/01/2018 00:44

Agree with CorbynsBumFlannel.

ohfourfoxache · 14/01/2018 00:44

Actually, scrap that- I’m with Corbyn

Greensleeves · 14/01/2018 00:44

Why not just bloody tell them? That they've ignored dd's birthday 4 years running, while not missing the other dc's, and it's hurtful so could they please make an effort?

Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 01:05

Greensleeves yes, that's the way it's going this year. Shouldn't have to bloody remind them or give them the benefit of the doubt so I'll call them out on it this year (if it happens again).

Didn't intend to drip feed but they have the perfect reason to remember - one of the adults birthdays is within a day of DD's (we don't 'do' adults birthdays in our family).

Big girl pants on this year and if it causes a falling out then so be it as I'm getting fed up on behalf of DD!

OP posts:
DarkJustBeforeDawn · 14/01/2018 01:26

Just a thought, but do they include an "extra" Christmas present for your daughter, thinking that it covers her birthday as it is so close to Christmas?

I had a family member who did this, and was aghast that we all thought he forgot the birthday year after year whilst giving gifts to siblings on their birthdays.

altiara · 14/01/2018 01:37

Could you invite them to a birthday tea party so there is an obvious celebration?

Swipe left for the next trending thread