Family keep ignoring DD's birthday...

[Whitewhine89]

Whilst acknowledging other DC b'days later on in the year.

Certain members of close extended family have ignored DDs Birthday for the past 4 years (she is under 10 years old). It is approaching her birthday and I'm sure it will happen again.

WIBU to tell them to forget giving any of my DC a card/present if they don't acknowledge this forthcoming birthday? No back story or falling out BTW and I have never ever forgotten or even been late with their kids presents.

Pissed off at the fact that they are only excluding one child and for the last couple of years that child has noticed. I'd rather they gave to all or none. I haven't said anything previously as don't want to cause a scene and I'm not too bothered about presents per se, it's more to do with my children not being treated equally.

So do I speak up or keep quiet?

[Jux]

If they ask why you no longer send stuff for their kids, you can ask "alright, but which one should I leave out?"

[Originalfoogirl]

this is how adults get away with shitty behaviour, because nobody pulls them up on it, and just pussyfooting around them as tgey don't want to rock the boat or cause trouble.

aeroflot But in our situation there is absolutely no point in bringing it up. We’re not hurting, she’s not hurting and to be honest, I can’t get worked up about her not getting a ten quid piece of tat that will sit in her playroom and eventually probably go to charity, from someone who would be doing it out of duty rather than because they want to.

There’s plenty of other shitty behaviour we’ve called him out on. Just not this.

[Mxyzptlk]

And they couldn't manage to phone or text you and maybe still manage to turn up? Obv not.

[Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman]

A classmate's party!! Wow op, but at least you can fuck them all off guilt free!! And with dh behind you all the way!!

[Motoko]

My dh’s brother is like this. He doesn’t bother at all to send for kids birthdays not even a card and they’re all within a month of each other.

But that's not like this, because in OP's case, they manage to send cards and gifts to OP's other children. It's only her DD who they "forget".

[Motoko]

I can't believe you let it go on for 4 years! After it happening the second year, I'd have said something.

And what they've done this year is simply appalling. I'd have sent them an email while I was angry. Sod waiting to calm down, this needs anger, to get across how disgusting it is to treat a child like this.

I hope your PIL give them a good bollocking.

[KateGrey]

My dh’s brother is like this. He doesn’t bother at all to send for kids birthdays not even a card and they’re all within a month of each other. Yet my sibling In Australia sends bits for them. And yet dh’s mother cries how her sons aren’t close.

Op, I think you’re right to be done. They sound awful.

[Whitewhine89]

Not much to report! troel that is exactly what will happen - they won't be in contact til they think it's all blown over. We tried to call them in the day they didn't show but no answer. Two days later an apologetic text arrived saying one of their DC had a classmates b'day party they'd forgotten about. I'm past caring now as DD is absolutely fine but that's me finished - both contact and presents.

[Idontdowindows]

Your poor girl :( No excuse for her birthday being in January and being "forgotten" or "overlooked".

I can't begin to fathom why they do this, but I hope she realises that it's not her, it's most definitely THEM!

[Lotsalotsagiggles]

Hope they have a good excuse! I would've called at 3pm and asked where they are..

[Youngmystery]

Your poor DD. Forget all their birthdays too and don't do Christmas either. Ignorant gits.

[TroelsLovesSquinkies]

What horrible relatives your Dh has OP I hope they are all ashamed of themselves.
I doubt they will contact you for ages, hoping it all blows over, then they'll try to carry on like normal.

[SersioulycanitgetWORSE]

Op we have this too, my dc have three aunts, one abroad who is pretty much estranged. She strangely manages to send my dc both of the them small but sweet gifts that arrive on time from the the other side of the the world.
The other aunt by marriage doesn't bother with the dc and we don't have talk. The third aunt, dh sister who he has pretty much zero relationship with, does see her at his parents house. She loves playing with our dc and gets lots of enjoyment from it.

But over the years never once gave my dd a gift for her bday. No card and it's only sporadic for the other one.

This Xmas she turned up with a gift for only one dc. My youngest asked excitedly if she had a gift for her and she had the gall to say no.

Never again, dd is just young enough to forget that but I'm not putting her through it again.

Well done op for making a fuss.

[Sostenueto]

Conveniently forget all their birthdays, easy peasy!

[RebootYourEngine]

How fucking awful for your dd. I really dont know how adults can treat children like this.

I would not be sending their dc anything for their birthdays.

[LadyGAgain]

Any update OP?

[Aeroflotgirl]

What message did you send to them?

[Whitewhine89]

Message sent but radio silence so far...

[ohfourfoxache]

Nasty, nasty fuckers

Any shitstorm that ensues will be worth it. Your dd needs to be protected

[Lizzie48]

I'm so sorry you're facing this, OP. How awful of them to just not show up. We've been late with our nieces' and nephews' birthdays before but we've been mortified and always made up for it. It's the attitude which is all wrong.

I think you do need to stop giving presents to their DCs. It's harsh, but for children fairness matters so much and it will make your DD feel completely unlovable and that she's done something wrong.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yes you now have to put your dd feelings first above any adult family members. Please do not accept any gifts or cards from them to your other DC, it is not right and it will be like a smack in the face for her. There is no e cause for those lazy adults to treat her like they did.

Glad that your dd had a wonderful time at her party.

[Whitewhine89]

DD had an absolute ball at her party & has been utterly spoiled! Has made up for yesterday.

DH taking over contacting his relatives because I'm done with the adults. He had to go out straight from the party and away all afternoon but I'll update if he gets a response.

To those who accuse me of being spineless, you are partly right. Being confrontational doesn't come easy to me and we have wider family to consider in the fall out from this. I'm not a drama llama and don't enjoy conflict. This has been the straw to break the camels back however and my DD and her feelings rightly come first.

[GreenTulips]

Text them. Just a reminder it's x birthday on x. A few people have forgotten the last few years and she's noticed that her brothers and sisters get a card and she doesn't so thought I'd just send out a general reminder x

Let's just recap - OP invited them to a birthday tea(as a gentle reminder) all said they'd go - resulting in birthday girl waiting 3.5 hours at the window for them not to arrive ....

Please read the thread

Thank you

[Hissy]

Your h needs to send a rocket up them.

They’ve utterly snubbed a little girl. What completely awful wankers they are.

[Spadequeen]

Absolute bastards.