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AIBU?

Family keep ignoring DD's birthday...

144 replies

Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:15

Whilst acknowledging other DC b'days later on in the year.

Certain members of close extended family have ignored DDs Birthday for the past 4 years (she is under 10 years old). It is approaching her birthday and I'm sure it will happen again.

WIBU to tell them to forget giving any of my DC a card/present if they don't acknowledge this forthcoming birthday? No back story or falling out BTW and I have never ever forgotten or even been late with their kids presents.

Pissed off at the fact that they are only excluding one child and for the last couple of years that child has noticed. I'd rather they gave to all or none. I haven't said anything previously as don't want to cause a scene and I'm not too bothered about presents per se, it's more to do with my children not being treated equally.

So do I speak up or keep quiet?

OP posts:

Report

SleightOfMind · 20/01/2018 23:07

Oh that’s horrible!

My birthday is 11/1 and was always forgotten by DM and most other family (I do remember her being routinely embarrassed by one of my uncles though ).

On the upside, you sound like a lovely Mother who makes an effort and that means much more than aunts and uncles.

Hope DD has a lovely party. Definitely roast the adults tomorrow. Don’t feel you have to stop celebrating the cousins’ birthdays as revenge though.

It’s not their fault and your DD will see that there’s a lot more pleasure in giving than getting.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 23:07

They have created the shitstorm, as they have treated a little girl in such a shitty way, serves them right.

greendale17 · 20/01/2018 23:10

I’d send a group email round suggesting that you just start sending cards for family birthdays from now on. That you know it’s tight for everyone in January but dd is starting to notice she’s the only one out of her and her siblings who gets forgotten.

^Great suggestion

Whitewhine89 · 20/01/2018 23:14

married I am going mad, hence my restraint at not contacting them until tomorrow!

Thanks sleight, I adore our DN's and they won't be forgotten about this year.

My other DC will not be allowed to accept any birthday gifts from them this year. Even if a gift for DD is forthcoming next week they can shove it.

GP's are not amused either.

OP posts:

Butterymuffin · 20/01/2018 23:15

That sounds though as though you're kindly letting them off the hook. I would tell them exactly why there will be no more presents for their kids - and yes, you do have to follow through with that. Remember your DD's face at the window when the time comes.

Butterymuffin · 20/01/2018 23:16

Up to you on the presents for others but I would be done with it all now.

Mxyzptlk · 20/01/2018 23:21

DH is taking the brunt of it and feeling responsible as it's his family.

So he should be if he's been "not that bothered" about it for the last four years!

I hope he gives them a total bollocking tomorrow.

punkpuffin · 20/01/2018 23:31

How can anyone do that to a little girl? I hope they have a good reason fir upsetting her!

Jux · 20/01/2018 23:39

Tell them this: she adores these relatives and she thinks they don't like her or she has done something wrong, your words. Ask them if there is a reason.

Tell them tomorrow, before her birthday, so they have time to do something about it.

Originalfoogirl · 20/01/2018 23:45

We have a similar relative. We’ve never made a big deal about it and our girl has never noticed she if doesn’t get a gift from them.

They have done the promise to visit but not turning up, we just never tell her they are coming so when they inevitably cancel she doesn’t know.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/01/2018 02:21

I’m sorry but I don’t believe they son’t have an “issue” with your DD. How else can you explain it? That’s awful. they could have at least texted and it still would be bad for them not to show up.
I wouldn’t be speaking to the after tomorrow and not sending any gifts for the DNs.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 08:14

They are grown adults and need to know why their behaviour is unacceptable, no pussyfooting around them, think of your dd hurt. I woukd just send our beiges and nieces cards and that's all. originalfoot this is how adults get away with shitty behaviour, because nobody pulls them up on it, and just pussyfooting around them as tgey don't want to rock the boat or cause trouble.

baublesnbubbles · 21/01/2018 08:28

How awful,
Absolutely get dh to talk to them.
If they re generally more relaxed in approach to life they might not have even registered that this event had such a back story though, especially if you haven't said anything before to them about missing dd s birthday. While it s important for dd s nehalf to talk to them about it and make them aware, don't go all guns a-blazing as if you have a good relationship outside of this it would be sad for you all to have an irreversible fall out, and it would be terrible if dd ever got wind and felt it was because of her (when it s not remotely any of her doing the poor pet). Hope your dd has a brilliant day today

BasinHaircut · 21/01/2018 08:40

Their behaviour is completely weird. On what planet do you ignore one child from a family’s birthday because it’s in January?

Is she ‘not family by blood’ or something and they are batshit and thinks that means they don’t have to treat her equally as family? Clearly that doesn’t excuse their behaviour but possibly explains it?

elsmokoloco · 21/01/2018 11:02

Well OP now you are forced to confront the situation head on, and about time too. I also think that you and your Dh must share some of blame by allowing this blatant snubbing of dd to continue over 4 years - it's like giving your silent approval (what's the bet they spin it by saying you've never been fussed before). This poor girl has been let down by quite a few adults in her family. Time to find the iron in your spine and put the fire in your dc's belly.

Worldsworstcook · 21/01/2018 11:22

Don't let them Out of it! If you're too embarrassed to call them out on it, have a birthday tea and make sure they are all invited! With a printed invitation, text message, Facebook post and telephone call. She feels her birthdays are ignored in January so soon after Xmas you are going all out to show her how special she is TO US ALL

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 13:11

How did it go?

Its gone beyond, I would be absolutely livid, and would not be embarrased to set them straight, they are the ones who should be embarassed, not op.

Newtothis2017 · 21/01/2018 13:25

That is awful behaviour on their part and so bloody rude. I would be fuming. I hope your dd is ok and enjoys her party

R2G · 21/01/2018 13:32

Text them. Just a reminder it's x birthday on x. A few people have forgotten the last few years and she's noticed that her brothers and sisters get a card and she doesn't so thought I'd just send out a general reminder x

Spadequeen · 21/01/2018 13:36

Absolute bastards.

Hissy · 21/01/2018 13:48

Your h needs to send a rocket up them.

They’ve utterly snubbed a little girl. What completely awful wankers they are.

GreenTulips · 21/01/2018 13:52

Text them. Just a reminder it's x birthday on x. A few people have forgotten the last few years and she's noticed that her brothers and sisters get a card and she doesn't so thought I'd just send out a general reminder x

Let's just recap - OP invited them to a birthday tea(as a gentle reminder) all said they'd go - resulting in birthday girl waiting 3.5 hours at the window for them not to arrive ....

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Whitewhine89 · 21/01/2018 14:21

DD had an absolute ball at her party & has been utterly spoiled! Has made up for yesterday.

DH taking over contacting his relatives because I'm done with the adults. He had to go out straight from the party and away all afternoon but I'll update if he gets a response.

To those who accuse me of being spineless, you are partly right. Being confrontational doesn't come easy to me and we have wider family to consider in the fall out from this. I'm not a drama llama and don't enjoy conflict. This has been the straw to break the camels back however and my DD and her feelings rightly come first.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 14:25

Yes you now have to put your dd feelings first above any adult family members. Please do not accept any gifts or cards from them to your other DC, it is not right and it will be like a smack in the face for her. There is no e cause for those lazy adults to treat her like they did.

Glad that your dd had a wonderful time at her party.

Lizzie48 · 21/01/2018 17:01

I'm so sorry you're facing this, OP. How awful of them to just not show up. We've been late with our nieces' and nephews' birthdays before but we've been mortified and always made up for it. It's the attitude which is all wrong.

I think you do need to stop giving presents to their DCs. It's harsh, but for children fairness matters so much and it will make your DD feel completely unlovable and that she's done something wrong.

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