Family keep ignoring DD's birthday...

[Whitewhine89]

Whilst acknowledging other DC b'days later on in the year.

Certain members of close extended family have ignored DDs Birthday for the past 4 years (she is under 10 years old). It is approaching her birthday and I'm sure it will happen again.

WIBU to tell them to forget giving any of my DC a card/present if they don't acknowledge this forthcoming birthday? No back story or falling out BTW and I have never ever forgotten or even been late with their kids presents.

Pissed off at the fact that they are only excluding one child and for the last couple of years that child has noticed. I'd rather they gave to all or none. I haven't said anything previously as don't want to cause a scene and I'm not too bothered about presents per se, it's more to do with my children not being treated equally.

So do I speak up or keep quiet?

[NewYearNiki]

WIBU to tell them to forget giving any of my DC a card/present if they don't acknowledge this forthcoming birthday?

Yes YWBVVVU.

It is obviously an oversight as there is no fall out and no back story and they give gifts to all the others.

It is just after Christmas and NY and a shit time for a birthday juat as bad as having one right before Christmas.

They are family, cant you just gently say to them poor dd everyone forgets her birthday just after the holidays and it'd be nice if it wasn't overlooked this time.

If you passively sit back to see it happen again and it is just a genuine oversight and you went in all guns blazing, I would take you up on your threat and never buy your dc anything again or accept gifts from you to mine.

[HappyHedgehog247]

Can you mention it in advance rather than wait for DD to be upset if you think it's going to happen again?

[RebootYourEngine]

I dont think Christmas is a good enough excuse to forget someones birthday. I have a few birthdays within days of Christmas and i have never forgotten to get the person a card and present.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

OP it's been 4 years. If you are going to mention it, do it before this birthday so they have a chance to change and get it right if they want to, not after when they'll still feel bad even if they do give a present after you've said.

[OohOohMrPeevly]

My relatives often used to forget my daughter's birthday near xmas so I would just buy a present and write a card from them if nothing arrived on the day. She was never any the wiser.

[catwoozle]

If they are repeatedly missing your DD out but buying for other DC that is odd. I'd be reminding them just before her birthday in that case!

[MrsDilber]

I'd have to say. Is there a matriarchal figure you can go too? I'd go to my mum, who would tell everybody else. Though she'd never forget one of her GC and we'd ALL be in trouble for forgetting one GC. Why are they doing it? if it was one person or occasionally, but it's weird that it's all of them, all the time.

I'd go and say, all or nothing.

[Abbylee]

Do they like dd? My b and sil do not like our dd but dm scolded them. Their cruel solution? Buy horrid gifts, opposite of dd's taste (ugly doll not stuffed animal). be careful?

[Butterymuffin]

What Greensleeves said. Tell them directly not to forget this time. Say it doesn't have to be expensive but she's upset at being forgotten. Then they've on excuse and you're being proactive rather than waiting till it all goes wrong again.

[ToastyFingers]

We've had this problem, pretty much all of DH's family have forgotten DD2s (january) birthday two years running now.

Any presents recieved for DD1 are going straight to the charity shop now, as it isn't fair to remember one and not the other.

Fwiw, we don't expect presents, but a card or even a phonecall would be lovely.

[Marriedwithchildren5]

All these cryptic comment. Sneaky ideas. Call them today. Say you keep forgetting dd's birthday so thought I'd remind you. I'm not sure how this is difficult???

[Marriedwithchildren5]

Do they like dd? My b and sil do not like our dd but dm scolded them. Their cruel solution? Buy horrid gifts, opposite of dd's taste (ugly doll not stuffed animal). be careful?

How do adults not like children?? I think it may be you they don't like!

[GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough]

How about a message to them all along the lines of xxx has asked if she could have pjs etc for her birthday

[Trashboat]

All this pussy footing around will get you nowhere.

I am quite up front with people so I don't get this 'read my mind' stuff.

This is about your child. So just tell them!!!

[WinterWinds001]

We have a similar problem, DD birthday is first week in december and there are several family that ignore her birthday and yet acknowledge DS's birthday later in the year.

I am waiting until after DS's birthday and if the usual suspects acknowledge his after forgetting DD's i will politely tell them to forget about both Childrens birthdays.

[rookiemere]

Just remind them. All this angst over what appears to be a simple oversight. Just send them an email/ text or if theyre on FB you could post a picture and write something like can't believe our precious baby ( or whatver) is going to be 5 next week !

My niece (teen) puts up FB reminders - Im useless at remembering things and I like the prompt

[Angrybird345]

Post a picture as PP sats, and if they ignore it still, call them out. Ask if you aren’t doing kids birthdays this year or something. No reason to forget a January birthday.

[Lizzie48]

I think something ought to have been said about this earlier, this is unkind. If they'd genuinely forgot they would have been mortified and sent a 'belated' gift. Definitely time to say something.

How do they interact with her at other times, OP?

[AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight]

Honest communication is your friend. I would call them and say 'It's X's birthday on the 20th (or whenever). The last couple of years she's been quite hurt not to get a present/card from you when you do this for A, B and C's birthdays later in the year. Would you rather not do any presents for any of the children? That would be fine too. Or shall I get her something from you and you give me the money? I know it's hard in January'.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

Can you get something for your DD 'from' them (only to spare her feelings, not for them) then don't bother with them this year.

I've a January birthday and as soon as I started not bothering with others they soon remembered mine. One of the plus points of having the first birthday in the year 😂

[FilthyforFirth]

This happened to me as a child as I also have the audacity to have a January bday. My parents didnt notice, but my uncle who I'm very close to did and spoke to my aunt, his sister, to say something. It was very hurtful at the time and I appreciated someone noticing and sticking up for me, I am sure your DD will feel the same.

[Sumo1]

I can't help feeling there is more to their behaviour. How many relatives forget hers?

I find people forget the end of the year birthdays, spring time everyone remembers, Nov, Oct not so much.
Maybe Jan is a continuation of the end of year forgetting.

[BrownTurkey]

Yes but the adult birthday probably distracts them, rather than being the perfect reason to remember. I imagine for some reason she hasn’t been added to their birthday calendar.

I would give the benefit of the doubt and take a direct approach ‘I really really hate to mention this, but with y’s birthday coming up, I need to check out with you whether we are going to exchange birthday gifts for the dc this year - I want to of course - but y has started to notice that she didn’t get a birthday card or gift from you for the past four years, and her siblings did. I feel so embarrassed mentioning it, but needed to grasp the nettle and check it out with you for her sake.’

Of course I would never be so direct myself, I would mention it to grandma who would make sure they knew about it ;) .

[TroysMammy]

Give them a calendar each Christmas and write her birthday in it.

[maygirl27]

Tend to agree with Corbyn'sBumFlannel. Suggest you just exchange cards. There should be no excuse for forgetting to post that or, if they live nearer, to pop one through your door.