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AIBU?

Family keep ignoring DD's birthday...

144 replies

Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:15

Whilst acknowledging other DC b'days later on in the year.

Certain members of close extended family have ignored DDs Birthday for the past 4 years (she is under 10 years old). It is approaching her birthday and I'm sure it will happen again.

WIBU to tell them to forget giving any of my DC a card/present if they don't acknowledge this forthcoming birthday? No back story or falling out BTW and I have never ever forgotten or even been late with their kids presents.

Pissed off at the fact that they are only excluding one child and for the last couple of years that child has noticed. I'd rather they gave to all or none. I haven't said anything previously as don't want to cause a scene and I'm not too bothered about presents per se, it's more to do with my children not being treated equally.

So do I speak up or keep quiet?

OP posts:

Report

applesandpears33 · 14/01/2018 16:19

A close relative did this for one of our DCs while remembering the other birthdays in the family. It wasn't every year though. I ended up buying an additional present each year which I kept in reserve, to be brought out as being from that relative if no present was forthcoming. That meant that the DC wasn't upset about not receiving anything. If the relative remembered that year I just kept the present for Christmas.

Whitewhine89 · 20/01/2018 22:25

Update: relatives were invited over this afternoon any time after 2pm, they confirmed by text yesterday that they were coming. Still waiting on them..... heart was breaking for DD who spent 3.5 hrs at the window (despite us trying to distract her) looking for them. No text/email/call to cancel. Fuckers.

OP posts:

NeilPetark · 20/01/2018 22:35

That’s heartbreaking.

What are you going to do? I’d go fucking apeshit if it were me.

Notasperfectasallothermners · 20/01/2018 22:39

Stop all cards /gifts from today. Forget every single birthday. Nasty fuckers.

Butterymuffin · 20/01/2018 22:43

What both Neil and Notasperfect said. I'd ring and make it clear how angry you were at their thoughtfulness, and I would never acknowledge any of their birthdays ever again.

lucylouuu · 20/01/2018 22:43

i'm so sorry! how awful for your DD

Dermymc · 20/01/2018 22:45

No more presents for any of them or the kids.

Whitewhine89 · 20/01/2018 22:47

I'm so angry that dealing with it tonight is a bad idea. I ran about like a fucking idiot today getting a cake etc. only to have a completely wasted afternoon.

DH will deal with it tomorrow and the gloves are off. I'm absolutely gutted for my little girl. I'll admit that they can be unreliable and quite the opposite of us (very organised) but the fact they said yesterday that they'd be here made me confident enough to tell DD.

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 20/01/2018 22:47

That's heartbreaking

Give her a hug and a happy birthday from all I'd hear X

GreenTulips · 20/01/2018 22:48

Us here

Whitewhine89 · 20/01/2018 22:51

GreenTulips thank you . I'm better venting here because I have been so hacked off that my DH is taking the brunt of it and feeling responsible as it's his family.

DD will be fine, it's her party tomorrow and she is excited.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 22:52

Oh op the fuckers, that is totally unacceptable. I would send them a message that dd was upset that they did not come when they said, that she is noticing that her birthday is getting overlooked in relation to her siblings. As a result you will not be accepting any cards or presents for any of the children due to this. YOu need to be upfront and candid to them.

SingaSong12 · 20/01/2018 22:53

That's awful
on your behalf

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 22:54

I would not send their kids anything, I know its not in your nature, but the message has to come across that this is not acceptable.

IwantalltheDogs · 20/01/2018 22:56

I would be beyond livid at them not turning up, after saying they would.

That’s fucking rude!!

I’m starting to think this isn’t just January Birthday amnesia. What has your DH said about their no show? I normally stay well clear of getting involved with DH’s siblings and let him handle it, but don’t think I’d be able to restrain myself in this situation.

Whitewhine89 · 20/01/2018 22:58

Aero I know. It's complicated by the fact that my other DC's birthday is next, their DC are at the end of the year.

Will need to be more up front and tackle it head on.

It's like they hibernate for the whole of fucking January and God forbid anything needs attending to. Should add there is no issue with Christmas and definitely no issue with this particular child and their relationship with relatives. Which makes it all the more frustrating that they do this.....

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 22:58

No I could not restrain yourself, just because they are his family, she is your dd and they are treating her so badly, its unacceptable, they need to know this.

MumW · 20/01/2018 22:59

Update: relatives were invited over this afternoon any time after 2pm, they confirmed by text yesterday that they were coming. Still waiting on them..... heart was breaking for DD who spent 3.5 hrs at the window (despite us trying to distract her) looking for them. No text/email/call to cancel. Fuckers.
This is shocking. I know I wouldn't know what to think.

Maybe send a text along the lines of "What happened? DD spent the afternoon at the window waiting for you. She thinks you don't like her"

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 22:59

YOu need to say something White, also if they give your DC a birthday gift and card, give it right back to them and explain why, you need to stick up for your poor dd. The image of her looking through the window is just really sad, poor girl.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 23:02

There is no excuse for treating your dd like that, her birthday is important. Just because its January, does not mean the world goes to sleep, no be more proactive towards them.

Whitewhine89 · 20/01/2018 23:04

Iwannt DH is furious too. At our DD being so disappointed and also the no show. He is more the voice of reason and I'm the one going apeshit but he has promised me he will contact them tomorrow when he is more calm.

If I'm honest I know this will cause a shitstorm but so be it. DH parents are abroad and aware of it, they are also livid as know the history of this being the 4th year in a row now. Her b'day was not today, it was earlier in the week so they have had ample opportunity before now to get a card for her.

OP posts:

NeilPetark · 20/01/2018 23:04

Having a birthday in January is no excuse for forgetting. It’s just blatant ignoring. You need to stand up for your child now, no more accepting any gifts and no buying or sending any either.

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5foot5 · 20/01/2018 23:04

Oh God this gets worse. It would be bad enough if they had made some pathetic excuse why they couldn't come. But to confirm and then not turn up - no excuse, no communication - that is inexcusable.

I would have to say something. Make sure they knew how much they had upset a little girl. And then no more presents for sure.

Oh and is there any way they cold be shamed to the rest of the family? Do the GPs know how shit they have been ?

Marriedwithchildren5 · 20/01/2018 23:05

How can you not be exploding at them? I'm not sure if I respect you or despair that you're not going mad??

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 23:06

You need to not accept any birthday gifts from them for your other children, this is totally unacceptable. The sales are in January, you can get some lovely discounts on presents, so no excuse!

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