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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family keep ignoring DD's birthday...

144 replies

Whitewhine89 · 14/01/2018 00:15

Whilst acknowledging other DC b'days later on in the year.

Certain members of close extended family have ignored DDs Birthday for the past 4 years (she is under 10 years old). It is approaching her birthday and I'm sure it will happen again.

WIBU to tell them to forget giving any of my DC a card/present if they don't acknowledge this forthcoming birthday? No back story or falling out BTW and I have never ever forgotten or even been late with their kids presents.

Pissed off at the fact that they are only excluding one child and for the last couple of years that child has noticed. I'd rather they gave to all or none. I haven't said anything previously as don't want to cause a scene and I'm not too bothered about presents per se, it's more to do with my children not being treated equally.

So do I speak up or keep quiet?

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 21/01/2018 22:40

Nasty, nasty fuckers Angry

Any shitstorm that ensues will be worth it. Your dd needs to be protected

Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 21/01/2018 22:47

Message sent but radio silence so far...

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/01/2018 22:55

What message did you send to them?

LadyGAgain · 24/01/2018 23:15

Any update OP?

RebootYourEngine · 25/01/2018 05:00

How fucking awful for your dd. I really dont know how adults can treat children like this.

I would not be sending their dc anything for their birthdays.

Sostenueto · 25/01/2018 05:22

Conveniently forget all their birthdays, easy peasy!

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 25/01/2018 07:58

Op we have this too, my dc have three aunts, one abroad who is pretty much estranged. She strangely manages to send my dc both of the them small but sweet gifts that arrive on time from the the other side of the the world.
The other aunt by marriage doesn't bother with the dc and we don't have talk. The third aunt, dh sister who he has pretty much zero relationship with, does see her at his parents house. She loves playing with our dc and gets lots of enjoyment from it.

But over the years never once gave my dd a gift for her bday. No card and it's only sporadic for the other one.

This Xmas she turned up with a gift for only one dc. My youngest asked excitedly if she had a gift for her and she had the gall to say no.

Never again, dd is just young enough to forget that but I'm not putting her through it again.

Well done op for making a fuss.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 25/01/2018 08:26

What horrible relatives your Dh has OP I hope they are all ashamed of themselves.
I doubt they will contact you for ages, hoping it all blows over, then they'll try to carry on like normal.

Youngmystery · 25/01/2018 08:36

Your poor DD. Forget all their birthdays too and don't do Christmas either. Ignorant gits.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 25/01/2018 08:54

Hope they have a good excuse! I would've called at 3pm and asked where they are..

Idontdowindows · 25/01/2018 09:07

Your poor girl :( No excuse for her birthday being in January and being "forgotten" or "overlooked".

I can't begin to fathom why they do this, but I hope she realises that it's not her, it's most definitely THEM!

Original poster
Whitewhine89 · 26/01/2018 18:15

Not much to report! troel that is exactly what will happen - they won't be in contact til they think it's all blown over. We tried to call them in the day they didn't show but no answer. Two days later an apologetic text arrived saying one of their DC had a classmates b'day party they'd forgotten about. I'm past caring now as DD is absolutely fine but that's me finished - both contact and presents.

OP posts:
KateGrey · 26/01/2018 18:37

My dh’s brother is like this. He doesn’t bother at all to send for kids birthdays not even a card and they’re all within a month of each other. Yet my sibling In Australia sends bits for them. And yet dh’s mother cries how her sons aren’t close.

Op, I think you’re right to be done. They sound awful.

Motoko · 26/01/2018 18:57

I can't believe you let it go on for 4 years! After it happening the second year, I'd have said something.

And what they've done this year is simply appalling. I'd have sent them an email while I was angry. Sod waiting to calm down, this needs anger, to get across how disgusting it is to treat a child like this.

I hope your PIL give them a good bollocking.

Motoko · 26/01/2018 18:59

My dh’s brother is like this. He doesn’t bother at all to send for kids birthdays not even a card and they’re all within a month of each other.

But that's not like this, because in OP's case, they manage to send cards and gifts to OP's other children. It's only her DD who they "forget".

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman · 26/01/2018 19:02

A classmate's party!! Wow op, but at least you can fuck them all off guilt free!! And with dh behind you all the way!!

Mxyzptlk · 26/01/2018 23:03

And they couldn't manage to phone or text you and maybe still manage to turn up? Obv not.

Originalfoogirl · 26/01/2018 23:22

this is how adults get away with shitty behaviour, because nobody pulls them up on it, and just pussyfooting around them as tgey don't want to rock the boat or cause trouble.

aeroflot But in our situation there is absolutely no point in bringing it up. We’re not hurting, she’s not hurting and to be honest, I can’t get worked up about her not getting a ten quid piece of tat that will sit in her playroom and eventually probably go to charity, from someone who would be doing it out of duty rather than because they want to.

There’s plenty of other shitty behaviour we’ve called him out on. Just not this.

Jux · 27/01/2018 16:37

If they ask why you no longer send stuff for their kids, you can ask "alright, but which one should I leave out?"

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