Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this argument please.

176 replies

hattiesmumm · 13/01/2018 10:49

Dp and I have a love affair with Whitby. When dp proposed my engagement ring was whitby jet. I have earrings and necklaces to match. It means a lot to me.

Anyway, it’s our babysitters 18th soon, she’s lovely and we get on well. I want to get her a present But I’m rubbish at presents so Iv left it to dp. He’s bought her a whitby jet cross necklace. She’s quite gothic so I know she will love it.

But I’m so upset. I can’t pin point why but I feel really upset.

Aibu

OP posts:
etap · 13/01/2018 10:51

Lovely scampi

FitBitFanClub · 13/01/2018 10:52

Just off to google wtf Whitby is. Apart from the seaside town, of course.

JacquesHammer · 13/01/2018 10:52

YABU - he's bought her a lovely thoughtful present she will appreciate.

Trinity66 · 13/01/2018 10:53

Your upset because it was your "thing"? I get that

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2018 10:54

I can understand that TBH, it would feel like Whitby was no longer 'your' thing any more. Sad

KungFuEric · 13/01/2018 10:55

Yeah you as his wife feel you should exclusively receive the connected memorable thoughtful gift, not that he thinks '-ah a female, I'll get her one too.'

Plus they are quite romantic pieces of jewellery to give to someone you sent closely linked with.

BulletFox · 13/01/2018 10:55

Umm...I guess you're upset as it feels like it's intruding upon your territory (personal thing between DH and you).

To be fair though, he's probably got it engrained now that for a nice gift it has to be Whitby!

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2018 10:56

It's a shame he didn't run it past you first. Even if you are rubbish at buying you can have an opinion over what he chooses.

helenoftroyville · 13/01/2018 10:57

It was your 'thing', gifts that were thoughtful and romantic.

He's bought the sand for her.

I'd be very upset too.

Hellywelly10 · 13/01/2018 10:57

I'd be pissed too.

Original poster
hattiesmumm · 13/01/2018 10:58

And even more annoying that he can’t understand why I’m upset. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
guestofclanmackenzie · 13/01/2018 10:58

YANBU

By the way I love Whitby too and DH proposed in Whitby Abbey! Sorry I know that's not helpful!

Idontdowindows · 13/01/2018 10:58

I can understand why you're upset and I'd discuss this with him. It does seem, as KungFuEric said that he has it as "gift for female" instead of "gift for you".

GlitterUnicornsAndAllThatJazz · 13/01/2018 10:59

I'd feel dejected too

Tinkerbec · 13/01/2018 10:59

Maybe it’s the only thing he knows or he thought as you love it then it’s a good present to get.

I get the bleugh feeling though.

DurhamDurham · 13/01/2018 11:00

Well I do understand your point but you did leave it to him to choose a present so you’re being unreasonable to be be annoyed. It’s a lovely thoughtful present and she’ll be delighted I’m sure. Just see it as spreading the joy Smile

BulletFox · 13/01/2018 11:00

Actually he probably should have just got her a bottle of champers

Madonnasmum · 13/01/2018 11:00

I get it. Totally. But it is a great gift for someone gothic, so can see why he thought it suitable.
Can he return It?

Snowysky20009 · 13/01/2018 11:01

I can understand, Whitby is something special to you both. But he may not see it as anything beyond, hattiesmumm likes Whitby jet, it's nice, I will go with that.

Please don't try and read too much into it.

MissT84 · 13/01/2018 11:01

I totally get it.... to you, it is a special place/item. but to dh he probably just thinks....oh that's nice, my dw likes that so maybe bs will like that. I doubt he has meant to upset you and probably won't understand why.....

The only way to settle it is for you to speak to your dh and tell him how you feel, and then either decide to give her that gift or return and buy another gift for her.

weepingangel12 · 13/01/2018 11:02

You're upset because you thought it was a special thing between the two of you and now you realise he doesn't see it in the same way. It's like he has devalued the intimacy and romance of it for you.
Of course you are upset.

BUT, jsut because he didn't see it quite the way you did doesn't have to be a big thing.

MadMags · 13/01/2018 11:03

I get it.

It was something special between you and him, and now it’s between you, him, and the 18 year old babysitter.

Have you told him you’re upset?

bridgetreilly · 13/01/2018 11:06

You've said you know she will like it because of her style. Why couldn't he have just thought the same thing? It doesn't sound to me like a generic present but a thoughtful one.

Pengggwn · 13/01/2018 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bahhhhhumbug · 13/01/2018 11:13

Totally get you. Is it too late to exchange there's lots of gothic stones/ stuff out there she'd equally like. Or could you keep it for you and buy her something else. My DH can be incredibly insensitive sometimes and just looks at me as if to say 'What? '