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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this argument please.

176 replies

hattiesmumm · 13/01/2018 10:49

Dp and I have a love affair with Whitby. When dp proposed my engagement ring was whitby jet. I have earrings and necklaces to match. It means a lot to me.

Anyway, it’s our babysitters 18th soon, she’s lovely and we get on well. I want to get her a present But I’m rubbish at presents so Iv left it to dp. He’s bought her a whitby jet cross necklace. She’s quite gothic so I know she will love it.

But I’m so upset. I can’t pin point why but I feel really upset.

Aibu

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/01/2018 12:05

No tiresome is linking a loss of intimacy to a random Jewellery purchase

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2018 12:05

And even more annoying that he can’t understand why I’m upset

Blimey, when you wrote you're opening post you specifically said you didn't understand why you were upset, but you're pissed at him for not knowing?

You can't possibly have though no one should ever have something for Whitby, or it in some way detracts from the gifts you've received,

Mind boggled at the people who would also be upset. That's sweating some small shit.

MadMags · 13/01/2018 12:05

I’m assuming she draws the line at Whitby’s jet.

bfgdreamtree · 13/01/2018 12:06

Do you think he should have avoided all silver jewellery? All jewellery? Where do you draw the line?

OP was very clear that it was a very specific type of jewellery for a very specific reason. It could not have been clearer so what is the point of that question?

TheStoic · 13/01/2018 12:06

I’m assuming she draws the line at Whitby’s jet.

Grin
greenmagpie · 13/01/2018 12:08

My question is what do you class as the 'same' when many specific objects fall into a 'class' of objects. People obviously draw the line in different places. The brand of jewellery falls between 'specific item' and a larger subset such a as colour.

bfgdreamtree · 13/01/2018 12:10

Whitby jet, greenmagpie. Which bit is still unclear to you. It's WHITBY JET.

Beefgoulasch · 13/01/2018 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheStoic · 13/01/2018 12:10

What part of ‘Whitby jet’ do you not understand, greenmagpie?

RoseWhiteTips · 13/01/2018 12:11

WHY are you upset? You don’t own the stuff.

MadMags · 13/01/2018 12:13

Greenmagpie, I’m not sure how much clearer it can be.

Whitby jet. That’s the specific. Whitby. Jet.

Not Whitby jewelry. Not black stones. Jet from Whitby.

Whether you think it’s irrational or not, it’s certainly not unclear.

DriggleDraggle · 13/01/2018 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2018 12:17

WHY are you upset? You don’t own the stuff.

It's been explained...

Nanny0gg · 13/01/2018 12:19

I understand his thinking.
I understand why the OP's upset.

I also think it's a lot to spend on a babysitter's present unless she's a friend of the family or a relative.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/01/2018 12:20

Well,it’s been explained with a specific angle eg that he shouldn’t have done it
That’s not the sole explanation or definitive statement on how to look at this
Pragmatically he’s done nothing wrong. He chose Jewellery and op has hung a lot of significance & emotion on that choice

BeyondThePage · 13/01/2018 12:20

It is a special gift in the OP's eyes. DH thinks OP is special, he buys her a special gift.

DH buys special gift for babysitter - OP probably thinks -

"that's our special thing - am I not that special anymore?",
"there's something going on there",
or - most likely in our house... "he has a crush on the babysitter - daft old fool Grin"

derangedmermaid · 13/01/2018 12:20

It's shouldn't be an argument and you shouldn't be angry at him for doing what he was supposed to.

I understand that you think Whitby is "yours" but to him he's probably just thought well you're a woman that loves it and it's always well received so it'll probably work for the babysitter.

I wouldn't get my arse out over this.

bfgdreamtree · 13/01/2018 12:22

That’s not the sole explanation or definitive statement on how to look at this

It's how OP looks at it that matters. It's her relationship.

RoseWhiteTips · 13/01/2018 12:22

Nanny0gg

I also think it's a lot to spend on a babysitter's present unless she's a friend of the family or a relative.

Oh wonderful. This is not going to comfort the OP. What are you suggesting, exactly?

Pengggwn · 13/01/2018 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkyBlunder · 13/01/2018 12:22

Some of it is Bertrand! It’ll depend on the size of the piece, how it’s cut, how it’s set... same as diamonds (which can be dirt cheap!)

It also depends on what you think ‘mega bucks’ is. I’ve noticed when I’ve been there the more gothic the piece, the more expensive because of the connection to Whitby itself. But yeah, if it’s just costume jewellery, it wouldn’t be expensive although I’ve never seen jet used for costume jewellery!

TheStoic · 13/01/2018 12:23

I understand that you think Whitby is "yours”

She doesn’t think it’s ‘hers’. She thinks it’s ‘theirs’.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/01/2018 12:23

And there we have it
Inevitable suggestion that the purchase is a bit sus

bfgdreamtree · 13/01/2018 12:23

The idea that he has a thing for the 18 year old babysitter is a bit depressing, isn't it?

there is no suggestion from OP of anything like that, so ignore.

Mrsmadevans · 13/01/2018 12:23

He's insensitive I get how you feel . Time for a new BaBysitter OP