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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this argument please.

176 replies

hattiesmumm · 13/01/2018 10:49

Dp and I have a love affair with Whitby. When dp proposed my engagement ring was whitby jet. I have earrings and necklaces to match. It means a lot to me.

Anyway, it’s our babysitters 18th soon, she’s lovely and we get on well. I want to get her a present But I’m rubbish at presents so Iv left it to dp. He’s bought her a whitby jet cross necklace. She’s quite gothic so I know she will love it.

But I’m so upset. I can’t pin point why but I feel really upset.

Aibu

OP posts:
LotsOfLoveAndSarcasm · 13/01/2018 11:14

You're not alone Pengggwn I don't get it either.

bfgdreamtree · 13/01/2018 11:14

I may be alone in not getting why this would upset someone

Did the explanations of why it might upset someone not help

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2018 11:15

The replies on this thread are a clue Penggwn but if you don't get it you don't get it.

Ninabean17 · 13/01/2018 11:15

I also don't understand why you're upset. While the jet holds some sentiment to you it doesn't mean no one else should ever wear it. If it's upset you, speak to your DH. He's probably thought "DW likes this, maybe the babysitter will too"

extinctspecies · 13/01/2018 11:17

Surely you should be pleased that he has chosen a present that the babysitter will like & appreciate?

There's another long thread on here this morning about whether you can 'own' a baby's name. Well I don't think you can 'own' a style of jewellery either.

Most men are crap at buying presents anyway - he's done well.

bfgdreamtree · 13/01/2018 11:18

While the jet holds some sentiment to you it doesn't mean no one else should ever wear it

That isn't OP's point. It's her husband buying it for someone else that is the issue.

It's like if you had a favourite flower, an unusual one, and your partner sourced them for you specially on every anniversary, for years. It was your flower, your thing between you, special. And then one day went and bought a huge bunch of them for his mother. It would be weird and a little upsetting, even though he was doing a perfectly nice thing. Do you see?

Pengggwn · 13/01/2018 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 13/01/2018 11:19

My dh did something like this (devaluing something that means something to me-an event in my case) I was really really hurt, he just didn't get it. I'd get her something myself (if you haven't given it to her) and tell him that it was hurtful as this was supposed to be your "thing".

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2018 11:19

it doesn't mean no one else should ever wear it.

Of course it doesn't, but there's a fairly specific scenario here.

extinctspecies · 13/01/2018 11:19

Nope.

extinctspecies · 13/01/2018 11:20

All the poster's saying "he just doesn't get it".

That's because it's a really silly thing to get upset about. Most people are a bit more rational than that.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/01/2018 11:20

This only gets as big as you let it.dont turn it into a convoluted drama & slight
I get why you’re upset but I think your overstating it somewhat.really
Your dp has put some thought into chosing Jewellery for the babysitter.thats all

Pengggwn · 13/01/2018 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkyBlunder · 13/01/2018 11:21

I get it OP.

Also, isn’t it a bit much for a babysitter? I used to babysit a lot and would’ve felt really odd accepting something like that. Bottle of champagne, posh chocolates, lovely flowers, sure but jewellery is very personal. She must do a lot of babysitting for you!

I’m a Whitby lover too btw and have a teeny tiny piece of jet DH bought for me when we were really very skint Smile

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/01/2018 11:21

Me neither Pengggwn. Despite the replies of the posters who say they get it.

helenoftroyville · 13/01/2018 11:23

It was something special between you and him, and now it’s between you, him, and the 18 year old babysitter

^^perfectly put

YANBU

greenmagpie · 13/01/2018 11:24

I can see why you might wish he had chosen something different but i can't imagine getting upset about it. If it was the same specific piece as one he'd bought you then yeah but it is quite a generic style (as in there's a wide range, not that's it's bland!) and he obviously knows it well. I think you're focusing too much on the brand rather than the sentiment?
(We got our friends the same style artwork got a christening present as we bought for our own baby because we really liked it and knew they would, I see that as a bit similar?)

LazyArseAvocado · 13/01/2018 11:24

No I don't get it either. You're over thinking it.

It probably went along the lines of 'wife loves Whitby = wife is a woman = women love Whitby = good present for a woman'.

greenmagpie · 13/01/2018 11:24

Oh, i guess I just don't really see why a brand/style is 'just between you two'.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2018 11:25

Some people won't understand OP. That's AIBU for you. But there are those that do.

I am surprised nobody has suggested your DP is having an affair with her TBH.

FloControl · 13/01/2018 11:25

OP. You can't pinpoint why you are upset but it seems to bother you that your DP doesn't know why either. Perhaps a bit unreasonable to expect him to know your mind when you don't know yourself, IYSWIM.

duckdarlington · 13/01/2018 11:26

So you left him to buy they gift, he bought something that you admit she will love and know your upset with him!?
Comes across as very entitled and ungrateful, i would advise you buy it yourself next time. I have no idea what 'whitby' is but i am almost certain that you are not the only person who is entitled to be bought it.

NewYearNewUsername · 13/01/2018 11:27

Try to look at it like this. He's taken something you both love and shared it with someone who by the sounds of it has been an asset to your family and is a friend.

I can pretty much guarantee he won't have thought about it being "your special thing" He will have thought I love this, my partner
Loves this, the gift receiver will love it. I can't fail.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2018 11:27

Good luck OP. This is going to turn into one of those threads by the looks...

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 13/01/2018 11:27

And of course op, on mn you’ll get all the oh he bought the babysitter jewellery.must be sus..
A cross for a goth, seems kind of appropriate
As I said this only gets as big as you let it. Don’t get all convoluted

And of course someone will rock up and hint,suggest it’s all v sus and how very dare he not respect your feelings
Maybe even a LTB
Def you’ll get a change babysitter recommendation