Settle this argument please.

[hattiesmumm]

Dp and I have a love affair with Whitby. When dp proposed my engagement ring was whitby jet. I have earrings and necklaces to match. It means a lot to me.

Anyway, it’s our babysitters 18th soon, she’s lovely and we get on well. I want to get her a present But I’m rubbish at presents so Iv left it to dp. He’s bought her a whitby jet cross necklace. She’s quite gothic so I know she will love it.

But I’m so upset. I can’t pin point why but I feel really upset.

Aibu

Are we really suggesting the DP has a thing for the babysitter now?

Jaysus.

But Whitby jet is only the base material.

There are so, so many different designs, cuts, finishes from fairly basic through perfect for goths to super expensive.

I have a number of pieces; all very different

How op choses to view the purchase has no bearing on how others view the purchase
So yes whilst it’s clear op feels upset about this that in itself doesn’t mean I have to share the pov

And I see a suggestion made to get a new babysitter
As I said Inevitable someone would say it

Has it occurred to you if he hasn't give it too her yet, to just tell him does he mind if You keep it, as it's from Whitby and that's your thing, and you really don't want to share the connection with anyone else. by buying them gifts from there.

The poor bloke was trying to PLEASE you, and because he loves you, he equates things from Whitby as being that bit more special that some tat from anywhere else, if you stop him doing things like this you are training him to think he has got it wrong, about the specialness and you will suffer in the long run, as he will worry that he doesn't understand... so will just stop trying...

"Love affair" in OP is with the town of Whitby.
She owns lots of jewellery including engagement ring that is 'Whitby jet'. This can refer to a) a material and/or (b) a style of jewellery, typically gothic and made of silver and jet.

To extrapolate this to 'anything made of a certain material is our thing and should not be shared' would not have been my automatic assumption. My posts above were in reply to posts saying 'sharing a specific song' etc being the same as a style or material of jewellery which is available in hundreds of specific items. As I said in the post.

Oh, ffs!

There’s no reason to believe he has a thing for the bloody babysitter!

OP thought it was a specific something between them.

DH obviously didn’t think that.

If it’s no skin of his nose, and it upsets her, then he should return it and get something more generic/less similar to OP’s collection.

It’s as simple as that.

And, as I said, OP is entitled to feel how she feels whether randomers on the Internet smugly judge her for it or not.

So yes whilst it’s clear op feels upset about this that in itself doesn’t mean I have to share the pov

As long as you are clear on the distinction between I wouldn't be upset and You should not be upset.
Something pp's seem to have trouble with

As I also said, I understand why she might feel a bit put out, but that it's understandable - in my eyes- that DH has drawn the line as to 'what's their thing' in a slightly different place than she has and it doesn't sound like he did it maliciously - he bought something he knew about, that he knew people with taste like (!) and that the friend might like. In my eyes it's just a case of not realising ALL of it is their special thing.

If OP has previously made this quite clear then I could understand being upset.

I think Whitby jet is a bit creepy , in fact. Didn’t Victorians wear it as suitable mourning jewellery?

I dislike amber too for the dead insect connotations.

But as I said,there it is the inevitable mn response

• oh it’s sus
• get a new babysitter

It’s like a script

Isn't it a bit expensive to give to your babysitter anyway/
I suppose I am reminded about the previous thread I just read re Love actually, it smacks of Alan Rickman giving the heart necklace to the OW and breaking poor ET'S heart.

It just sounds like lack of imagination, or confidence in buying for an 18yo girl (understandable), on your DP's part. Not deliberate intrusion into your special thing.

He's noted her gothic style, made the connection and thought he'd done brilliantly. So basically, made one connection, with a (probably rare) thing he feels confident enough to choose, and not thought any further.

So, essentially it's coincidence that your style and hers are similar. Otherwise he might have chosen 'nice but bland silver jewellery item' (as my DP would if faced with a need / idea of buying jewellery) and you wouldn't think it personal or intrusive.

He's insensitive I get how you feel . Time for a new BaBysitter OP

Don't be so ridiculous

I get it.
I also think that jewelry is a bit OTT for a babysitter. A bottle of fiz, or snakebite as a pp suggested!
Tell him to take it back/ give it to you.

But as I said,there it is the inevitable mn response

Didn’t that response come from you?

Rose it’s not exactly relevant to the OP that you dislike it.

Didn’t Victorians wear it as suitable mourning jewellery?

Only because it was a naturally occurring black stone. Not like the mourning jewellery made of hair

Why do you think it's so popular with goths

No I made a prediction that inevitably folk would make something out of it
50minutes later, there it was....
It’s sus
Change babysitter

maybe you gave them the idea by saying it? like a paradox

Actually I can't talk. DP made a Parks and Rec joke at a female colleague (who looks like a fucking model) and I didn't speak to him for the whole day until we got home because Parks and Rec is our thing.

I will admit I was being a massive dick. And the colleague had no idea what he was talking about or who Ron Swanson is (dumbass) but still, I had basically planned their wedding in that thirty second awkward conversation.

OP, he was just trying. Bless him.

If I’m that omnipotent I’m well chuffed
More likely it’s the usual half cooked theories, so inevitable you can predict them
And I correctly did predict it’d pop up