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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when you started having Xmas at your own home?

177 replies

Username7654321 · 13/12/2017 21:22

This is first Xmas for us with a baby and I'd quite like to spend it with just DH and DC.

MIL however would be livid - she loves to do the whole shebang (which I am really not into). DH will just go along with what she plans.

So at what point did you stop going to parents/in-laws for Xmas and have your own? How did they take it? When did you tell them? Did anyone's partners/husbands/wives not want to and you had to battle for it?

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 13/12/2017 21:28

From when.our son was 2 (he's now 4).

Before that we alternated between my parents and DH's sister.

Now we host for a mix of both families as DS gets the excitement of Christmas and wants to just play with his new toys. There are no young kids other than him so it seems to work. I like it even though I do most of the cooking.

oliveinacampervan · 13/12/2017 21:28

The first one we were together. And we have always had it at home.

Then again, we both live within 10 miles of both families. So we can just pop in for an hour (to each one.)

Hate going anywhere Christmas day, and love it with just me and immediate family.

YANBU to do exactly what you want.

My cousin is having a similar issue to you at the moment, with her MIL who is insisting she and her hubby go 100 miles south and spend 4-5 days with them (from 22nd to 27th December.) Major vomage! I would rather poke my eyes out with a skewer, and I actually LIKE my MIL. Luckily, neither my mom or MIL are precious and bossy.

What is it with some people and HAVING to go to other peoples houses at Christmas, or have people round theirs FFS?! Stay in your own home! You have all fucking year to see each other. Just see each other the 21st, 22nd or so and then after boxing day. Just ring up and wish each other merry Christmas, or skype for 20 minutes!

Appuskidu · 13/12/2017 21:29

If anyone decided to be livid because I didn’t do what they told me to at Christmas, that would be the moment I would decide to remain at home!

How dare she?! I presume she did exactly what her mother in law told her to do unquestioningly every Christmas for her entire married life, did she?

MeadowHay · 13/12/2017 21:30

Thing is in my family and DH's family, nobody does this. Everybody gets together with one side or the other's extended family to have Xmas day together. I can't think of a single relative in any of our families where a nuclear family just has Xmas day together with nobody else present.

I'm not saying what you want is in any way wrong or anything, just different families are different and do different things. So for me at this point it wouldn't occur to me to be at home with DH and nobody else, although I appreciate that we don't have kids yet (expecting our first in summer). But as I say that's not the norm for my family so I can't imagine it would be something I'd suddenly decide to do. I like big family Xmas day events Smile.

TabbyMumz · 13/12/2017 21:31

Made a conscious decision to always eat Christmas meal in our own home right from the start.

iamyourequal · 13/12/2017 21:33

Why Xmas. Why not just write Christmas!!

JaceLancs · 13/12/2017 21:34

First one with new baby DD, still went over in evening to see other family
Had every Christmas dinner in my own home since - DD is now 26

AveEldon · 13/12/2017 21:35

Do what you prefer
Best to get the MIL rage out of the way now imho

Our arrangements vary but I was very clear that I wasn't going to get into alternating between my parents and the inlaws
I didn't want that expectation

m0therofdragons · 13/12/2017 21:35

This will be our first one with pil and bil + sil coming. Mil stresses about cooking for us all now we are a family of 5 it panics her but she also hates change so I wasn't sure what she'd think. We alternate Christmas between in laws and my dps so this year we're due at mil's. In September dh broached the conversation and suggested Christmas at ours. She almost bit our hands off.

We also moved house earlier this year so have more space. I'm looking forward to it. Mostly 😜

Original poster
Username7654321 · 13/12/2017 21:35

Dammit, I should have done it from the get go. Thing is we live so close we don't really have an "excuse" as such. And DH doesn't mind going round which I get (as it's his family). I just don't really enjoy it and find it quite stressful. I am generally more an introvert and prefer smaller, quieter gatherings.

OP posts:
MsAwesomeDragon · 13/12/2017 21:36

When dh and I moved in together we made the rule that Christmas Day is ours, on our own, in our own house.

Both sets of parents were a bit disappointed, mine especially as dd1 was 8 and they loved having her around at Christmas, but they understood our reasoning. We happily book them in for other days around Christmas, so for 10 years we've seen my parents on Christmas Eve and mil on boxing Day. Luckily we live close enough to both that day trips are fine and we never need to stay overnight.

Original poster
Username7654321 · 13/12/2017 21:36

iamyourequal - typing with 1 hand as I'm breastfeeding and it's quicker. Sorry if it offended you! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 13/12/2017 21:37

Start as you mean to go on. If not, you will be one of the many MN's posting about the same issue, year after year after year after year.......

FaFoutis · 13/12/2017 21:38

Since I first had my own hovel, about age 20. I don't know what an extended family Christmas is like, never had one. It is just me, DH and the children now. Neither my parents nor the PIL have ever expressed the desire to see us at Christmas.

If you want to do it on your own surely you just tell them. Even if they are pissed off, the results (Christmas on your own) will probably be worth it.

TheEdge266 · 13/12/2017 21:38

We've always just alternated between my parents and the in laws. I like not having to do any of it myself. 😂

Bunchofdaffodils · 13/12/2017 21:40

Our first year as a family, son was 6 days old and dh cooked for just us two. Happy memories. Went to big family annual thing on Boxing Day but my mum was really grumpy about it.

Crunchymum · 13/12/2017 21:41

This is the first year we'll be at home.

I've lived with DP for a decade and we have a 5yo and 3yo but always go to my folks for dinner and his folks for turkey sandwiches and a drink in the evening.

This year in-laws are away and I'm NC with a sibling who has just moved back in with my parents. I'm also 33w with my third child and working most of the festive period.

SpottedOnMN · 13/12/2017 21:41

I put my foot down when my kids were approaching mid teens and said we needed to start building our own family traditions in our own home before the kids left home. My mum was fine with it, but my dad (they're not together) kicked up a fuss despite not a big fan of Christmas himself.

In the end I just had to say it was happening. When he pushed back again I said in a faux-bemused voice "it's funny how your memory plays tricks on you. I don't ever remember going to GP's for Christmas, though they came to us a few times. I thought we had all our Christmases in our own home?" SILENCE. He came to mine that year. They alternate, so still see the kids. My sister hosts when I don't have my kids so we each get half the christmases in our own home.

pingoose · 13/12/2017 21:41

This year is our first! DD is 20 months, and I'm sick of decorating our house then leaving it before Christmas. Time to make our own traditions. We'll be travelling to see my parents on Boxing Day.

donajimena · 13/12/2017 21:42

I'm 45 and I still go to my mum & dad! I'm a lone parent though.

VioletDaze · 13/12/2017 21:43

When we moved in together in our twenties. We were both blessed with big families who didn't really have room anyway so our slinking off was a bit of a relief. I'd hate to schlep DD all over the place over Christmas, honestly. She's a bad traveller at the best of times.

MrsBonato · 13/12/2017 21:45

Our first year this year in 10 years together!

Our DS is older now and we just want a day with him where we can all relax and eat what we like and how we like it. Wish we had done it sooner. MIL isn't happy at all but DH has finally said he wants a day with just us. We will see them boxing day and stay with them for a few days after.

ny20005 · 13/12/2017 21:45

We had 3 Christmas's before we got married - 1st just us, 2nd with my parents m, 3rd with his

Next Christmas we were married, in our new house & 3 months pregnant

Inlaws came to us & we made sure they all knew we would have Christmas in our own home from then on

12 years later & this is first Christmas that mil hasn't had a go at dh about it 🙄

Splinterz · 13/12/2017 21:46

I think it's quite bizarre to not have a full on extended family Christmas.

Sleepyblueocean · 13/12/2017 21:46

We always go to dh's parents house but they live 5 mins away and we eat there regularly anyway, only stay for a couple of hours and it is like our normal visit but with a turkey dinner.

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