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Original poster

To ask when you started having Xmas at your own home?

177 replies

Username7654321 · 13/12/2017 21:22

This is first Xmas for us with a baby and I'd quite like to spend it with just DH and DC.

MIL however would be livid - she loves to do the whole shebang (which I am really not into). DH will just go along with what she plans.

So at what point did you stop going to parents/in-laws for Xmas and have your own? How did they take it? When did you tell them? Did anyone's partners/husbands/wives not want to and you had to battle for it?

OP posts:
SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 13/12/2017 23:46

Our first Christmas at home was the year that baby was due a few days before. Family is all at least an hour away so with not knowing what state of pregnancy/ birth/ postnatal I would be in, we stayed at home. A nearby friend delivered Christmas dinner to our very new family of 3. They were having Christmas at home too and kept their plans open to be able to help out if necessary.

We've had one more full Christmas Day with relatives since then when DM felt that she'd reached her limit on catering for family. Sometimes we go down for tea and stay over depending on DB's arrangements. This year it's the full year at home for the second time. With a 4 & 7 year old, they'll appreciate the time to play as church, dinner, visiting makes for a busy day!

cakedup · 13/12/2017 23:50

Since DS was 2 (he is 12 now). I am a lone parent and my mum comes and stays over on Christmas eve, so it's just the three of us. It's brilliant. We just sit around in our pjs, eating chocolate, watching TV and playing board games. I don't even bother cooking because DS prefers to just have pasta, and my mum can't snack all day AND eat a big dinner. So I just get in lots of lovely snacky mezze type stuff.

No family dramas
No rushing out the door
No sweating over the oven
No awkward gifting exchanges with in laws
No annoying drunk uncle

Just Christmas and chill!

Mxyzptlk · 13/12/2017 23:54

"Dammit, I should have done it from the get go."

Your first Christmas with a baby is a good opportunity to start!

I've been married for many many years. Sometimes had Christmas at home, only us and DCs. Sometimes at my mum's, sometimes her with us.
I don't remember any expectation about who would be where, just what we all felt like each time.

JeNeBaguetteRien · 14/12/2017 00:01

Growing up we usually but not always visited grandparents (who lived in same city) on Christmas Day or Boxing Day, but Christmas was always just our family, my parents' view was that we'd want to be at home with new toys etc. Boxing Day our home turned into a drop in centre of sorts.

Since I met DH we've had some Christmases just us, some with my family, some with his family, some with friends and twice have gone on holiday for Christmas. I made it very clear I was not getting into any turn taking scenarios and there is no expectation on us to do anything set in stone.

abitoflight · 14/12/2017 00:31

Neither DH parents or mine were in any way expecting us for Christmas ever
We have spent it with our own DC or with parents or siblings - whatever we wanted
My DC can do what they please

abitoflight · 14/12/2017 00:33

And first Christmas alone with DH was age 26

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 14/12/2017 00:38

We had one Xmas Day just us and DH's boys, the year I was pregnant before we married. I was suffering with hyperemesis and couldn't face food. DH took the boys to the local working men's club for the afternoon while I was throwing up. It was crap. Every year since we have spent at my parents' house with my sister and nan, with DSS coming too in the early years until he left home. I'm nearly 40 and can't imagine not having Christmas at my mum's.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 14/12/2017 00:41

2rebecca DH has worked every Christmas Day 6am-6pm for the last 8 years. My mum sets his dinner aside for me to heat later and he comes straight after work to enjoy the rest of the evening. He won't be working this year because he's recovering from surgery.

GrimDamnFanjo · 14/12/2017 00:46

As soon as we got married. For the last 2 we've hosted my parents. We are clear we don't do Christmas Day in another house and we only do us and the kids on Boxing Day. There are other days when we travel to see relatives or do something with my parents.

TheBlueMeaniesAreComing · 14/12/2017 01:18

My childhood Christmas just my mum stepdad and brothers. We visited my gran for a few hours in the morning or she came to us for a few hours after dinner. From I’ve been with my DP we have never spent a Christmas just us. Last year was the first we had dinner in our own home after 1 year in his mums and 4 years with his grandparents. It was a nightmare because although his mum came to us for dinner we still had to go to her house so she could give the children their presents. This year she’s working so is going to pop in on Christmas morning. After dinner we wil go visiting in his grandparents, two sets of great grandparents and ending in his aunts house with the whole family. We have my grandmother on Christmas Eve and my mother and her husband on Boxing Day. It’s pure madness but it works for us

SleepingStandingUp · 14/12/2017 01:29

First year we had DS. We got discharged after a 3 week stay on tube 23rd Dec. Straight to Sainsbury's for food. We do however have the inlaws as otherwise it would be just them as DH's other brother lives away and doesn't really do Christmas.

DustyMaiden · 14/12/2017 01:34

For 40 years I spent Christmas with MIL. DH is an only child, I am one of many so couldn’t leave her alone.

ProseccoMamam · 14/12/2017 01:37

When DS1 was born, and we have had Christmas just me, DH and the DC ever since. Family members and friends are seen beforehand to hand out presents and I take the DC to my family's party on Boxing Day while DH visits his mum and siblings. Don't feel guilty for making your own memories, it's your Christmas and you are entitled to enjoy it how you like. Fuck the MIL

notangelinajolie · 14/12/2017 02:19

We always went to my parents for Christmas Dinner until my dad died and then mum started coming to us. She is quite frail now and it's a struggle to get her in the car so this year we are making dinner here and then taking it all round to hers.

kmc1111 · 14/12/2017 02:21

As soon as I had my own home.

accendo · 14/12/2017 02:24

As soon as we had kids, we wanted them to be able to relax and enjoy their day/gifts.

OhforfucksakeFay · 14/12/2017 02:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RemainOptimistic · 14/12/2017 03:49

Fitz ahh the blackmail! DM attempts this too. I laugh, it's pathetic.

Mil can gtf OP.

Used to alternate between DM and DF (divorced when I was 7). DM always made a huge thing of being alone blah blah, dragged us to estranged GP, huge scenes, awful. In comparison, DF remarried and DSM actually a nice person!

Now we go to DF sometimes or stay at home. This year we'll be at home.

Lules · 14/12/2017 04:12

Alternate between parents and ILs. I’m in my early 30s with two very young children. I’ll carrying on going to them until it gets too much for them when they can come to us.

We moved this year to 15 miles away from my parents but we’ll still be staying there for 3 days.

Chrisinthemorning · 14/12/2017 04:27

We always do Christmas and have ever since we were married. I am an only child so not particularly happy to alternate as it means my parents would be alone. They say they wouldn’t mind but anyway. MIL is on her own and SIL never seems to spend it with her mum.
My mum is a terrible cook. MIL would host Christmas but the one time she did, she didn’t invite my parents Hmm
So we invite both MIL and my parents to ours. DH is a good cook, I like making the house nice, DS plays with his toys, we are all happy. I do set a timescale though- they arrive between 10-11 on Christmas morning and must leave in time for me to watch Call the Midwife in peace! They are all local- my parents around the corner and MIL 10 miles away- she drives.

mailfuckoff · 14/12/2017 05:12

I've never done Christmas dinner and I'm happy with that. We alternate between parents (inlawd and my parents) but they live odd enough so we can wake up in our own house, spend the day with them then go home. Spend boxing day with other set. Dc get to see their cousins and have 2 Christmas. Dh doesn't drink so doesn't mind driving and its all good fun. Both dh and I as children went to gp for Christmas so it's our way of doing things.

TheHodgeHeg · 14/12/2017 05:20

I'm late twenties and still go to my parents every Christmas (DP's family don't celebrate). When we have kids of our own we'll probably still go to my parents as we live overseas and come back to visit them at Christmas.

If we lived in the UK I'd be happy to either go to my parents or have them at mine. I wouldn't want to move on Christmas day though so wherever we spent Christmas day would be where we also spent Christmas Eve and boxing day.

MyOtherProfile · 14/12/2017 05:32

Does your MIL have other people to spend Christmas with? We have had Christmas in our own home since we got engaged but have always had both sets of parents because we are both only children and couldn't leave them alone at Christmas.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/12/2017 05:43

I’ve hosted every Christmas bar one since DD was born 6 years ago. The one we spent away just reinforced that I don’t like being away over Christmas. Any other time of year, fine, happy to visit, but DH and the kids and I like to be in our own home for Christmas.

My mum comes to us, the in laws would be welcome to but chose not to. We see them before or after and have another celebration then instead.

CocaColaTruck · 14/12/2017 05:52

OH's parents were both dead by the time DS1 was born. We had every Christmas at my parents after that and we all loved it, nothing better than a family Christmas.

When my DM was too frail to cook they came here until she died, and then Dad on his own until he died, aged 98. I treasure every single one of those Christmases.

There's more to family than just the nuclear one.

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