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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask when you started having Xmas at your own home?

177 replies

Username7654321 · 13/12/2017 21:22

This is first Xmas for us with a baby and I'd quite like to spend it with just DH and DC.

MIL however would be livid - she loves to do the whole shebang (which I am really not into). DH will just go along with what she plans.

So at what point did you stop going to parents/in-laws for Xmas and have your own? How did they take it? When did you tell them? Did anyone's partners/husbands/wives not want to and you had to battle for it?

OP posts:
DarthMaiden · 13/12/2017 22:15

When my son was born.

I wanted to be in my own house with all the stuff crap that's associated with having small children without having to cart it round both sets of parents. The idea of just packing and unpacking all the paraphernalia sent me hyperventilating Grin.

Ever since then everyone has come to our house for Xmas and Boxing Day - we have Xmas Eve to ourselves though.

It's quite a bit of work if I'm honest but I'm lucky we have always had a house big enough to accommodate everyone.

The kids love having all the grandparents here and I'm fortunate that my mum especially helps out a lot (she brings a lot of the veg she's prepped for me, puddings she's made, a ham etc ) and both DF and PIL are very generous with very nice cheese, wine etc. They also always (though it's never been requested) give us some money to help pay for everything as a thank you.

I've never had any issues from either sets of parents. PIL's house isn't big enough to host us, never mind my parents as well and my parents spent 20 years hosting Xmas for my grandparents, so I think my mum especially relishes not having to do it any more (though as above she's brilliant at helping out, probably as she knows how much work it is).

CoffeeAndCakeEssentials · 13/12/2017 22:16

We used to visit 3 families on Christmas Day so no one got offended. When DS1 was 2 he got very upset every time we left somewhere, he wanted to stay and play with his toys. By the following Christmas we had DS2. I refused to drag 2 kids to 3 houses just to please others so we've stayed at home since, just the 4 of us. We see everyone one on xmas eve and Boxing Day instead. MIL was NOT happy and even on Xmas morning tries to persuade us to go to see various family members. DH would go to keep the peace but I'm too stubborn!

QueenOfCatan · 13/12/2017 22:17

This year! 😄 DD is one but it's the first time we've properly had our own place so we're staying here. Mil, sil and gfil are coming for lunch then it's just us (and wine) 😊

BusyBeez99 · 13/12/2017 22:20

Every year! Never been anywhere else

snowflakestar · 13/12/2017 22:20

We alternated for many years, until our children were 3 and 1 and we decided we wanted to stay in our own home and start our own traditions. Both families are hours away too, and travelling with all the stuff we needed plus presents was too much. I think both sets of parents are disappointed, but understand.

Growing up, we always spent Christmas Day at home, but we'd visit one set of grandparents on Christmas Eve and the other on Boxing Day. Unfortunately we live too far away to do that.

SheepyFun · 13/12/2017 22:23

The first year we were married, we decided we would celebrate at home, and that's continued. My parents couldn't really object, as we'd always had Christmas as a nuclear family, despite my GPs living only 5 miles away (and often hosting extended family). We would see them on boxing day. Now my parents have moved (as have we), there's 250 miles between us, so we can't really pop in. We see them over the Christmas period, but not for Christmas day itself - DM does not approve of some of the things we do differently to them, and I can't face arguing over it. If we don't see them on Christmas day itself, the tension is at least reduced.

DH's parents died some time ago, so there was never the option of spending it with them

CountFosco · 13/12/2017 22:23

When DD1 was 1. We use to alternate spending the Christmas hols between my parents and DH's. The year DD1 was a baby (and I was already pregnant with DD2) we spent a week at the ILs then a week at my parents. I swore never again (stupidly long round trip in December was not great) and we now always have it at home (10 years later). ILs are coming to us this year for the second time ever, my parents never come Sad due to single childless siblings always going home.

JuniUmiZoomi · 13/12/2017 22:25

A variety of my parents, his sister, separate families, and then my brother for the last 2/3 years. However, I've fallen out with my brother so this is the first year it'll be just us at home. My parents are having lunch with them and dinner with us.

Timpani · 13/12/2017 22:26

Why Xmas. Why not just write Christmas!!

Why !!? Why not use ! Or even better ? Grin

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 22:27

The year I met DH I was living in London and had to work Boxing Day. Usually I'd have wriggled out of it and gone home to Wales but DH was also in London and being an Aussie, knew nobody really.

So I stayed and we had our very first Christmas alone together.

Then a few years of Christmas at my Mum's....then we had DC and still went to my Mum's until DD was 3 and we began staying at our own house....and my sister began inviting my Mum.

Now we live in Oz and still have it at home. We're going to MIL's this year though as FIL has been quite unwell this year.

FetchezLaVache · 13/12/2017 22:32

Sheepy - may I ask what order of magnitude the things you do differently from your mum, thereby incurring her disapproval, would belong to? Are we talking whether or not you cut a cross into the base of your sprouts?

Fitzsimmons · 13/12/2017 22:32

We alternated going to our parents before we had kids. Then we had DS and we had moved a few hundred miles from the families. So for DS first Christmas he was 3 months and I insisted on staying at home. 2nd and 3Rd Christmas we alternated again, but for his 4th Christmas I said no way after driving 1500 miles previously and not getting a proper break.

That year we had a lovely Xmas at home and MIL piled the guilt on over Skype and told DS she had a gift for him but he couldn't have it till he visited Hmm so DH decided he wanted to make the trek and we ended up going down for new year instead despite agreeing we wouldn't do any travelling.

5th Christmas we were at home as I was 9 months pregnant. We had pizza for dinner and it was lovely.

This year for various complex reasons we will be with my family, but I've already said I'm not doing any travelling next year. The kids are old enough now that they just want to be at home with their new toys. If MIL does her guilt trip I'm sending DH alone.

Oldraver · 13/12/2017 22:32

From the moment we got married.

We moved away from 'home' when we got married and said we wanted to spend our first Christmas together. DH loved it so much he wanted to stick to that. He had never had a nice Christmas as MIL made no effort, then DS came along and we felt it wasn't fair to drag him away from his home.

We always said anyone was welcome to spend Christmas with us and MIL took us up on it twice. I think my Mum grumped a bit, though she always spent Christmas at home

HaHaHmm · 13/12/2017 22:35

Why Xmas. Why not just write Christmas!!

It's hardly new. 'X' has been in use as an abbreviation for 'Christ' since the 15th century and versions of 'Xmas' have been in use since the 16th.

Firenight · 13/12/2017 22:36

First one was before children but then we did the first three years with my parents. Last 5 years at home and have no desire to be anywhere else, not least because of the faff of packing up presents. Also, parents and in laws don’t have an open fire so no chimney for Father Christmas.

calistaraines · 13/12/2017 22:45

NEVER!!!
Been married 12 years and always go to my parents. My children even asked this year why can't we have Christmas at home??
Invited my parents to us this year and it went down like a led balloon so I relented and said we would go to them.
Usually spend 24,25 & 26th with them and I'm still getting grief for making plans with friends on the 27th!!

Don't even get me started on New Year😥

ShatnersBassoon · 13/12/2017 22:46

I went home once for Christmas after I'd gone off to university, mainly because I thought I had to, then spent it in my own home ever since. Since I was 19, in other words. My parents aren't convivial types, so they wouldn't dream of inviting me.

SheepyFun · 13/12/2017 22:47

FetchezLaVache we don't do Father Christmas or stockings - DH didn't do either growing up (in a culturally British household); he wouldn't stop me making up a stocking, but I can't be bothered!

We also don't have turkey at Christmas - both of us prefer red meat, though I'll eat turkey if someone else has cooked it. We also don't usually have a big meal on Christmas day itself, though we will have one in the evening this year - we have a simple gas cooker, and go to church in the morning. All of us get grumpy if we don't eat at normal times, and there is no way we can go to church and cook a roast (of any meat) for lunch.

So there's quite a bit to disagree over!

Lynnm63 · 13/12/2017 22:54

From our second year together. First year together we were invited to fils, we arrived to discover I was cooking for 12 and the other 11 were buggering off to pub. I was very young and to polite to tell them to fuck off. After that always our house, once we had ds my family came to us.

Amanduh · 13/12/2017 23:03

I love being with all the family at Christmas, not all of course but anywhere from 15-20 people, so still haven't stayed at my own home yet 😂

Glumglowworm · 13/12/2017 23:11

When I was 21, I had to work except the weekends and bank holidays but don’t drive so couldn’t travel home to either parent and get back in time for work. My flat mate at the time his presents for me and called me on Christmas morning to tell where to find them. I cooked myself Christmas dinner.

In the 11 years since then I’ve been to both of my parents, stayed with friends, and been on my own through neccessity and on my own through choice. No kids and no partner. This year I’ll be on my own by choice. I love Christmas, I decorate the house, I bake, I have presents under the tree, I cook Christmas dinner, I watch Christmas tv.

I do feel that Friends and other tv shows misled me that I would spend Christmases with all my friends as an adult, whereas in fact all my friends go home to their parents.

I never had extended family Christmases as a child, both my parents are from big families that are spread around the country so it was never practical. So I guess that started the assumption of adults staying in their own home for Christmas for me.

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 13/12/2017 23:15

When we had DS. My mum threw a wobbler about it even though I politely reminded her we always had Christmas at home growing up but apparently it’s not the same Hmm we ended up going for DSs 2nd Christmas because our oven broke and it was awful. We go on the 27th now so we get our proper Christmas at home then have a take 2 at my mums

2rebecca · 13/12/2017 23:17

After uni I often worked either Xmas day or Boxing Day and lived several hours away from my parents so I've always decided what to do year by year. I have never felt obliged to visit anyone or be visited although now my mum is dead I wouldn't see my dad on his own. I don't travel on Xmas day itself though

Clankboing · 13/12/2017 23:25

As soon as we had children we stayed at our house on xmas day. We said that grandparents were welcome to visit in the morning to watch the children open presents. Then we invite both sets (separately) for a meal on boxing day and 27th. Or we go to them. But we don't eat together on xmas day.

2rebecca · 13/12/2017 23:40

I'm surprised so many adults are still so passive and easily manipulated by their parents, and that so many people have never had to work over Christmas so can always go visiting folk and host visitors. Are you all teachers?

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