To ask when you started having Xmas at your own home?

[Username7654321]

This is first Xmas for us with a baby and I'd quite like to spend it with just DH and DC.

MIL however would be livid - she loves to do the whole shebang (which I am really not into). DH will just go along with what she plans.

So at what point did you stop going to parents/in-laws for Xmas and have your own? How did they take it? When did you tell them? Did anyone's partners/husbands/wives not want to and you had to battle for it?

The first Xmas that we lived together (1988).
Although both sets of parents lived locally, they seemed to get it that we wanted our dinner to be just us. But we visited one set for coffee late morning, and the other for cake early evening.
There was much ribbing about the cooking, and they were quite right. There were several kitchen disasters that day!
Just erect s little bubble around yourself to repeal attack, and get on with your own plans.

2 DC, aged 3 and 1. Been in our house four years. Not had a Christmas at home yet. We are hosting breakfast for my lot this year and then going to DH’s mum for lunch. It’s not ideal but there’s a lot of family responsibilities and compromises needed and a lot of folk for whom seeing each other at Christmas is important.

I won’t lie, I’m looking forward to our own 6am present opening and then Boxing Day!

Wow just had a read through all of these - it's lovely getting a snippet into other people's lives and traditions.
On my side of the family it's only me and DM, no siblings and aunties and uncles do their own thing. For years we used to have a mega chilled day, walk, Xmas films and go out for a curry (both veg so don't do the whole Christmas dinner).
When DH and I got together DM used to come with us to his parents. But truth be told I don't enjoy it. It's not relaxing, it's a lot of pressure, we always exchange gifts that noone wants or needs, with the whole.family watching (i tried to pull out of gifts this year but that's another thread in itself), then the whole big dinner, I eat some veg and nutroast whilst dreaming of my curry! Then we hang around whilst they all drink too much.
Don't get me wrong - it's nice to see them over the Xmas period, but it's not how I'd like to spend my day. I miss my curry and films at DM's. It's too late now to pull out but I'm.actually really not looking forward to it this year. I always end up with a banging head ache and exhausted.
Ughhh I'm a real scrooge aren't I.

@iamyourequal you're moaning about the OP abbreviating 'xmas' really???

But then you, yourself, abbreviate and use the mumsnet terms 'OP, DH' and LOL?

When DD was 20 months old i put my foot down and we stayed at home. Family were welcome to come to us and I'd happily host but apparently 150 miles is much to far and who wants to be away from home on Christmas day. Yet it's still incredibly selfish of us not to travel to them for Christmas

Before this we would travel up Christmas eve (often right after finishing work) visit both sets of parents then check into a Travelodge or premier Inn.

Christmas morning we would visit one set of family for breakfast, go to the others for lunch then back to the first set for tea, stopping to visit various elderly relatives along the way. It was exhausting and not at all enjoyable. We would be expected to stay for at last 3 days and were basically used as a taxi service for SIL while there, she likes to have a drink at Christmas and doesn't like to drive so my DH was expected to ferry her around.

Now we do panto Christmas eve, have a nice relaxing day on Christmas day and then travel up either boxing day or the 27th for a maximum of 2 nights.

So OP you want to go back to your Christmas tradition? Understandable. But your dh comes from a family with a different tradition. Couldn't you do your tradition on boxing day instead? Use it as a carrot to get through Christmas day and try to look at the positives... like your dc growing up in a big family who want to be together.

Is your DM still alive? What will she do if you just have your dh and dc at yours?

Im mid forties and I don't think I have ever done Christmas with just DH and the kids! We do now host Christmas and last couple of years just had my Mum and Dad, they only live down the road and I don't think I could not invite them.

glenthebattleostrich - that sounds awful! I'm.glad you've now established your own way of doing things, despite them seeing it as selfish!

MyOtherProfile - that's the thing, it's difficult because it's just me and DM on my side so if we did it just me and DH she would be alone (which of course I wouldn't want), so then I could suggest people could come to ours? But then we'd just have the same situation as above, with all the additional stress of hosting.
Alternatively I could spend the day with DM and DH spend it with his family. Because it's only me and DM we have always bent round his family as there's more of them, but then we're still missing out on our traditions.... Oh the politics!!! This is why I just want to hide away till the new year haha.
You're right though - maybe I'll suggest DH and I do our own Christmas day on Xmas eve or boxing day.

I can relate OP. My family’s Christmas traditions were pretty child-focused and chilled out - everyone had to get dressed in the morning and have a bowl of cereal before the inevitable chocolate orange hobbit breakfast but otherwise everyone opened their presents and then got some time to enjoy them between making tea for Mum while she pottered round doing lunch with Christmas music playing and then we reconvened for a post lunch DVD all together.

My DH’s Christmas involves a cooked breakfast, a four course lunch (with a chuffing port course - we grew up in different worlds!) and then a 6pm Turkey sandwich supper. Once you’ve eaten and cleaned up from all these meals there’s barely any time for the children to have played with their toys (and the emphasis is really not them anyway) and it’s just exhausting and so stiffly formal.

We’re finding our way through forming our own traditions to try and ease the worst of his family’s (but for foreseeable years Christmas lunch there will be a thing - once we get to start hosting it will be downgraded significantly and there will not be the four kinds of mince pies I counted last year!). Suffice to say when I insisted we’d be taking up my family tradition of Christmas Eve takeaway DH was giddy! We’ve also got champagne and Doctor Who just us as a little tradition of the last few years which I love too.

Christmas Day is so hard if you’re trying to balance expectations of loads of people. It’s why Boxing Day - leftovers, pickles and a bit less expectation - rocks my socks.

Dd is 2 and we're still eking out the Christmases hosted by my parents or in-laws! We've got the decorating nailed but not at all keen on the thought of all that hosting, organising and cooking, though I know it'll be our turn one day. Our oven is awful too, incinerates everything. I'm practising my roasts in anticipation though

The very first year I was married I hosted Christmas, I feel it is important to 'show that you are a 'grown up'' - I think we had my parents one day and ILs the next - can't remember exactly.

So many people seem to drift back to their parents even when they've established their own home.

We also never got into the 'my parents this year/your's next year' routine, it's far too 'strict' and people have too many expectations. Sometimes we hosted/sometimes we went to my family or DH's (different 'sections' IYSWIM), sometimes we went abroad/ we have organised old people's lunches at Church/worked in restaurants - all different so we never got in a 'rut'.

I am now nearly 60 and am hosting my parents this year (ILs long since died) - although that nearly caused an argument as my very fiesty 85 year old mother wanted to host .

If I am brutally honest I would love a Christmas entirely on my own (sorry DH and DS ).

I love the idea of going away for Christmas. For those who do/have, is it much more expensive? Where do you go?

We've hosted ever since we've had children. They are the only young children on my side of the family. Anyone who wants to, on either side of the family, is welcome to join us.
My mum and brother come each year. MIL alternates between us and her other grandchildren's house.
Anyone we don't see on Christmas day we try to visit at some point over the Christmas holidays.
We are all pretty easy going and people just choose what they want to do and where they want to be without any upset or issues.

Do you always bring your Mum to Xmas at your in laws? What would she like to do?

Last Christmas, my children were 1 and 4. Best decision for us. So much more chilled and the children can play with their toy in their own home. Doing it again this year.

Appuskidu - yes,she's very easy going though and will just do what pleases the most people.
One year I asked DH to come for a curry with us instead but he flat out refused. He did however come to DM's on Xmas eve, but then his mum.laid on the guilt even though we were going there the next day

I think I was 22, definitely childless (as I still am), when we thought with then BF (now DH) that actually we could just stay home instead of buying flights to be with the family. It's a long and expensive trip. We lived in a tiny 1bed flat, and had a Christmas picnic on the floor... I've had a couple of Christmases with my parents since then, but mostly we've stayed home. I actually think if we had kids, I'd make more of an effort to include the wider family in our celebrations. As it is, it's nicer to have an adult Christmas without them, to be honest.

We alternate but it usually depends what DH is working over Christmas (hospital doc)- the first year we had it at ours he was working so we had it at ours and in laws came to us so we could have Christmas dinner once he'd finished his shift.
This year in laws & my mum & brother are coming to us but over the years we've had my dad and his GF, SIL & family or ILs or we've been to ILs - we don't go to my family as they are hard work so we only see them on our terms.
My family lives at the other end of the country and my in laws are about 1.5hrs away so we tend to make arrangements well in advance.

When my son was a year old. We have actually lived together for 13 years and been married for 10, but we had never had a Christmas at home just us. To be fair, we were in the middle of a house move so we just went out for a curry for lunch and then a lovely long family walk with the dog. Bliss.

From the other side, as a DM and MIL, we had Xmas at ours for -ever- years, with the adult DC and spouses travelling to stay for a few days. We are making changes to our traditions this year...
I am excited that we are going to one pair's house for the first time. DIL is hugely pregnant and is nesting in their new house. DS is doing all the catering. And I am recovering from a nasty illness (non infectious now) and am relieved not to have do all that work - we aren't even bothering with a tree and decorations this year.
Other DS and DIL are nearby, so will also be around on Xmas day. This eases my mind, as it will be the first Xmas they haven't been to ours, and I was conscious that saying yes to one couple meant saying no to another.
I’m thinking that after LO arrives, they will stay at their home for Xmas, as the default.. and we will evolve new traditions, probably centering around the homes where the children are. There are also in laws to take into account, both from abroad!

We are thousands of km from either set so it’s a very expensive undertaking (long long drive over ice or flights.)
This is the last year we are going to MILs. Next year I hope in our own home.
The first year with a new baby I just did the ‘gosh no of course we aren’t going to get on a plane with a newborn gosh what an idea of course you’re joking hoho you’re so funny! Goodness no.’ Kind of thing. And we had a quiet little Xmas and it was lovely. This year will be a grand on flights to spend five days somewhere I really don’t want to be, unable to bring many pressies for ds and fitting into the weirdly rigid Xmas rituals of the in laws. I find it immensely stressful and I’ve been dreading it since about July, but I will grit my teeth and be graceful because last year its happening

Honestly I loathe Christmas, I really do.

Anatidae - oh dear Lord no!!!! Stick to your guns next year!

From 10 years before we even had any kids!

We got home from our honeymoon at the end of September to a message on the ansaphone from MIL telling us that she had spoken to my parents while we were away and agreed that we would be going to them on Xmas Day and to MIL and FIL on Boxing Day.

I called my Mum and told her we were looking forward to our first Xmas in our new home but they were welcome to come for dinner ( she was fine and had been a bit bemused by MIL trying to organising everyone) I then called mother in law and told her that we already had plans for Boxing Day but they were welcome to come over for tea on Xmas eve.

When the kids finally came along we said that we want the kids to be at home for Xmas every year just like we were when we were young.

We’ve got into a routine of having the in laws over for dinner on Xmas eve and my parents come on Boxing Day or occasionally Xmas day.

Since DP and I moved in together. DD goes with her dad at midday, so we have a big breakfast together, open presents and play around, and after, she goes with XP to their family Christmas. His aunt owns a property and they basically have a huge party/barbeque/feast on the verandah with all the kids going nuts. (We're in Aust., btw). She's then returned Boxing Day morning, squeaking about her auntie's Old English Sheepdog.

Meanwhile, DP and I break out the booze and get trashed on the couch while eating fancy cheese plates and brandy snaps and watching netflix.

If mum is hosting, it will be breakfast and presents at hers with everyone else, then back home for the pickling of livers.

We see FIL+co for a buffet dinner on the second weekend of December and have Boxing Day lunch with MIL, SFIL, BIL+SIL. DP's families had those traditions since forever so very little needed to change.

I recommend Home Christmases. Getting dressed is overrated. If DDad's not around DMum crashes her sister and they have teenage-like sleepovers with bubbly and back movies.

I stopped pretty much after I went to uni (as I was working xmas day and distance/circumstances stopped me going back to dad and step mum after that (mum already dead)). I went to my boyfriends (not DH) parents house most years after that.

DH stopped going to his parents when his sister had her first child - his parents then starting going to his sister's (a couple of hours away) and he stayed home (he was invited but didn't want to go - huge, huge fuss that went on for months over that one apparently). By home I mean his home - not his parents - he moved out when he was 18.

I met him a three years after this and we had a blissful first two Christmases together. Then we had DC1 and the inlaws decided that they would alternate Christmas between us and his sister - so they come to us every other year.

So we have Christmas just us and DC every other year now - we love that year. Initially I preferred the Christmas that the inlaws came to us but I came to realise whey DH distanced himself from his family so much after a few years and now I resent that year a bit. Hey HO!