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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
Msqueen33 · 08/12/2017 20:49

What an utter cunter she is!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/12/2017 20:52

just woken up to find an abusive email from CF in my inbox

How utterly unpleasant Hmm

I'm afraid I couldn't consider someone like this "a friend" any more, and in fact I'd wonder if she ever was, but hey ... we're all different

WaitrosePigeon · 08/12/2017 20:52

Radio, you’ve lost me?

expatinscotland · 08/12/2017 20:54

The thing about twats like this, Silver, is that I can guarantee you are far from the only person she has fucked over, I mean, she thinks nothing of lying in restaurants even though she can afford a glass of fizz. So even if she spreads rumours, people have the measure of people like this because they don't behave in a vacuum. If you don't get the item back, it should really be reported to Ebay because she's violating their terms and conditions by flogging an item without the owner's permission. And the more you allow her to get away with it, the more she will rip the piss out of you. You don't have to be dramatic or have a big fall-out. It's not necessary. You just report her to Ebay, sending them the horrible email, which you also keep, and cut her off.

Yousillyoldbird · 08/12/2017 20:57

Oh my days! I'm so angry for you OP! This is my first ever post on MN...please be nice! I hope you get the mystery item back xx

Icantstopeatinglol · 08/12/2017 21:05

Jesus Silver your CF is an absolute loon!! She's a sandwich short of a picnic and that's an understatement!
I've been reading the thread over the last few days and I can't begin to understand how she can even think she's in the right in any way whatsoever?!
I hope you get it back just so she doesn't get anything out of it. Doesn't matter how she tries to tell this tale she's going to sound like an absolute fruitcake! Shock
You gave her something to pass on to her FIL and she decided it was too much and thought the best way to deal with it is to sell it and keep the dosh! Absolute nuts!?! Confused

Namesarehard · 08/12/2017 21:07

I've just read this whole thread. My take on it....wow, just wow.
Hope her husband brings it back to you today. Cheeky cunt as she is.
She's only kicking off because her husband has had a go at her. Stay well away in the future. You don't need fuckers like that in your life.

Mummainwonderland · 08/12/2017 21:07

Omg what a nightmare! Hoping you get the item back!

Howlongtilldinner · 08/12/2017 21:12

Have only read the OP BUT..a ‘friend’ really? OMG bloody unbelievable..I’d have nothing more to do with her..seriously I wouldn’t..

XmasInTintagel · 08/12/2017 21:14

You gave it to them. End of story legally.
So, by that logic, if I give shop assistant the money for an item I want to buy, they can just pocket it? They know I wanted it to go to the shop, but I gave it to them, so its theirs?
The OPs intent that the object should go to the FIL was clear, handing it to someone to act as an intermediary doesn't make it theirs.

Fishface77 · 08/12/2017 21:17

What an absolute nasty bitch!

SHOW NO MERCY.

dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 08/12/2017 21:25

I think op is in Perth, so those objects aren't in her state.

Op I think your best bet is for your dh to just turn up and get it.

TrojansAreSmegheads · 08/12/2017 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flypaperforarseholes · 08/12/2017 21:38

Place marking and I'm not even going to try to hide it!

widowtocricket · 08/12/2017 21:38

After a very shitty day I have just sat here & read every one of the comments.
I think op you have handled yourself brilliantly. This woman is just vile. Not only has she tried to sell a valuable gift for her fil, but now she is attacking you in her email. It's her who is behaving badly yet she is trying to turn it around on you. You, your dog & dh of cf know how terrible she is being.

Is is now a matter of principle that you get this item back & I think the icing on the cake is that you should donate it to a museum related to the service that this belongs to. Make sure you send her a photo of it on display & tell her that it was never about the money but the fact it was a beautiful item that should be enjoyed by all & not for profit.

Maelstrop · 08/12/2017 21:43

Massively cheeky fucker, my God! I'd message back to to say it was not a gift for her, it was for her fil, but now you want it back as it was not hers to our sell, cheeky bitch! Unbelievably cheeky fucker!

billybagpuss · 08/12/2017 21:50

Hoping we wake up to some good news on this thread in the morning

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 21:50

I've just noticed that the listing has been removed from eBay!

OP posts:
Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 21:51

I won't be responding to her email. If she doesn't get it by now there is really nothing I can say or do that will get through to her. I think I've been pretty clear that it was for FIL.

OP posts:
jigsawpiece · 08/12/2017 21:52

Hooray! Hope the item will soon be back with you one way or another

Thebluedog · 08/12/2017 21:52

I don’t blame you for not reporting it to envoy or the police, it’s a very extreme reaction to the pr Been. I think you’ve behaved appropriately OP.

gingergenius · 08/12/2017 21:55

@SilverBirchTree ultimately you have to do what works for you. It's you're life that's affected. Please don't misinterpret support for unnecessary goading.

Your CF is a cow. Not your problem. But ultimately it's your choice to deal with this as you see fit.

Take care and rest with your newborn x

helsinkihelen · 08/12/2017 22:00

I think you have acted with such dignity and appropriate assertiveness. There is no rule book to deal with cfs. I really do hope you get it back. If it does feel tainted you could give it away to a museum. Or perhaps re-list it on ebay and spend the proceeds on a spa day to help you recover! X

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 08/12/2017 22:00

@widowtocricket sorry you've had a crappy day Flowers

Museum is a great idea, if I get it back I'll look into it

OP posts:
Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 08/12/2017 22:05

'Colony of thieves' ? As a descendant of a first fleeter this really pisses me off. Yeah let's denigrate people for being poor. Ha bloody ha.