CF friend or AIBU?

[SilverBirchTree]

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

Demand its return. You made it clear it was for your friend's FIL; you even gave the rationale for it namely, that he enjoys history and researching artefacts. Your "friend" cannot honestly say or believe that you'd given the object to her because she indicated she'd pass it on to her FIL as you'd requested.
Her FIL refusing your offer of a gift - he merely took photos of it - does not mean that ownership of the object reverts to her allowing her to do with it as she pleases: and she certainly can't sell it because she doesn't have title to it. Your friend should have returned the object to you. That is both the moral and legal thing to do.
Insist on its return.
Get another friend.

CFDS will not force CF to unload it and give it back. Will instead have a follow up beer with your DH, shrug sheepishly, and tell him how you know what the missus is like, I tried, here’s a schooner to make up for it mate. DH will forgive CFDH, and shrug sheepishly to you, that he tried, but ya know what the missus is like. She’ll get $600, your DH will remain drinking buddies with CFDH, and you’ll get shafted. Either accept that, or do something. Mark the listing as fraudulent. Go back to the house, and wait for someone to answer the door- you know she avoided you the last time, and get your item back. Today. Or accept its gone, and move on- either with or without contact.

Up breastfeeding also and just read the whole thread. What an utterly vile person CF is! Hope you get the item back OP.

There’s a second thread- didn’t know that, still no answer on it though, and I don’t know how to link!

Really rubbish for a 'friend' to take advantage like this! I'd say if he doesn't want it you want it back, it was a genuine kind gesture, not a chance for her to get easy money from your good will. I would express how hurt you are by this and you wouldn't have thought a friend would do this, it's her loss if she does not give it back and loses u as a good friend no matter what what dishonest £'s she has momentarily in her pocket!!!

So rude. I'd be very angry too.

2nd thread

That's absolutely appalling and you have every right to be pissed off! Her inability to see why you are upset has made it worse. Plus she lied about wrapping it up for Xmas for him, thus creating the impression she wasn't selling it! If it were an equivalent value item that had no family link to her, does she think you'd have given it to her?! Or that you'd have just given her the cash equivalent so she could buy presents for everyone rather than spending the same amount on presents for your own family?!?

Some friend.... 🤔😔

You basically gave it to her as an intermediaryr to deliver to her FIL. As he doesn't seem to want it he should give it back. Your understanding was you offered it to see if HE wanted it. You did not give it to friend. Basically she has stolen the item. Shame her on FB. Send message to FIL saying you appreciate he didn t want it, and will look for another collector/museum copy her in with expectation to have item returned. How can someone be so greedy, not a friend, a letcher.
.

You didn't give it to her - you gave it to her father in law. I would bet demanding it back

It's been resolved - see thread 2

I can't find the other thread, please can someone link?

Sorry just seen, ignore

Ask fil if he liked the special gift you asked his dil to give to him. Tell him you knew he would like it and wanted someone who would appreciate it to have it. Tell dil to hand it over to him or you will inform police. It is theft, don't let this bitch steal from you.