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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
ElephantsandTigers · 08/12/2017 18:10

Maybe it's time to call some restaurants..

MinisterForMagic · 08/12/2017 18:13

What a bitch! I sell on eBay and I would definitely tell them this is stolen ASAP as they will then cancel the auction.
Please let us know what happens.

alwaysontimeneverlate · 08/12/2017 18:17

I can't quite believe what Ive just read 😲

What a cheeky cow.

Don't give up on this @SilverBirchTree get it back.

Tour · 08/12/2017 18:19

Can’t believe you haven’t got it back. She is not your friend. Put a huge bid on the item so no one else can win it

PringlesSmoothie · 08/12/2017 18:20

What a cf

SundayGirlB · 08/12/2017 18:28

So invested in this. Placemarker!

Pigwig10 · 08/12/2017 18:28

Cheeky fuckery to the extreme Shock I’d let FIL know the whole situation then ask if he wanted the gift, if he doesn’t then aske the CF ‘friend’ for the item back. Good god, I was gobsmacked when she said she was going to pass it off as a gift from them, to bloody straight away sell it. She needs to give her head a shake!!

NoSquirrels · 08/12/2017 18:29

I think you’ve been admirably calm, OP, and your DH might be right that you’ll get it back.

If the listing doesn’t get pulled, I’d do one last message to CF and her DH, spelling it out nicely but nonetheless as if they’re stupid:

CF and DH, I’m sorry for the obvious misunderstanding about [object]. When we cleared out the attic, and found [object] I immediately thought of your dad/FIL. I wanted to gift him the item. I knew how much it was worth, but I wanted to give it to someone who would truly appreciate it, rather than selling it. I passed it to you to give directly to your FIL/Dad with my best wishes - I always enjoy his company. It was a gift from me to him - I just needed your help in passing it on. It was never intended as something I was giving away to you. If it is not being passed on to FIL/Dad with my best wishes, then I would like it back, please. It’s not yours to sell as I wasn’t gifting it to you, but to FIL/Dad. I’m sorry that wasn’t clear initially, but hope this has made it plain. Please remove the eBay listing and return [item] to me.

Thebluedog · 08/12/2017 18:29

Just wow !! Shock

When you get said antique fake tanner back, stick it on eBay and Facebook for sale and make sure she sees the ad Grin

Turquoise123 · 08/12/2017 18:32

Wow. Just wow. Even when she was found out she did not offer it back . Wow

Gemini69 · 08/12/2017 18:32

stunned... speechless ... I'll bang on her door for you Shock

you must get it back OP Flowers

missbloomsbury · 08/12/2017 18:37

SilverBirchTree - somethings wrong here. Not with your friend’s behaviour but with yours. It seems to me that you are dominated or afraid by her in some way and she knows you won’t find the bottle to get this item back. For your own self-esteem, take all the advice given by everyone here. Report her to eBay, then go to the house and ask for the item back. She’s no friend & you’ll have a better life without her.

CandleWithHair · 08/12/2017 18:41

I hope you get it back today OP. What a dirty rotten CF ‘friend’ she is. Unforgivable!

pappajonessecretchild · 08/12/2017 18:43

is it something like this, OP? www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Vintage-Antique-Foresca-Croc-embossed-Leather-Doctors-Bag-Tool-Case-Aust-Rare/152298897183?hash=item2375b8bf1f:g:mGYAAOSwo4pYFYok
if so, i see why you dont want it just gathering dust on your side, but maybe a museum of interest would want it.

Booboo66 · 08/12/2017 18:46

No resolution yet?? (Not place marking at all)

Ginslinger · 08/12/2017 18:47

link the ad here and we can send a few messages to move it all along

Roversandrhodes · 08/12/2017 18:50

It is beyond shitty behaviour .I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who would do that !

OFuckShitAndBollocks · 08/12/2017 18:53

What a cheeky bitch! That's beyond rude and cheeky and she must be wearing self centred blinkers if she can't see it! You wanted to give it to her FIL and she's now trying to sell it! What's wrong with people! I'd suggest trying a non confrontational way of asking for it back, using positive statements instead of negative if you're worried about her friendship. Might not make sense but it works everytime getting a positive response from people!

pollymere · 08/12/2017 18:55

You meant it as a gift for her FIL. If he didn't want to keep it then she should have said something to you. You didn't give it to her! If she's trying to sell online, report the item as stolen goods. Contact her FIL and ask him if he realized you meant it as a gift to him, and that you'd rather have it back if he doesn't wish to have it. Point out to your friend that you gave it as a gift to her FIL, not to her and not to him from her. Explain that you're sorry about the misunderstanding and you'd never thought she'd think it was a gift to her! I suspect she's googled it's value. Also explain that she either needs to give it back or give it to the intended recipient. Point out that either way she's effectively stealing from either you or her FIL and would she really want that on her conscience?

browneyes77 · 08/12/2017 18:55

Just RTFT and I am literally sitting here raging on your behalf!

That is cheeky fuckery of the highest order! Wow, just wow! I cannot believe someone can be that sly and underhanded and still consider themselves to be your friend.

I would absolutely be reporting it to Ebay. NOW. She is bang out of order and a very poor friend. None of my friends would ever even contemplate doing something like this. And if they did I’d be reporting them to every Tom, Dick and Harry going and re-evaluating my friendship with them.

FuckCalmRhageOn · 08/12/2017 18:58

Place marking with no shame!

ny20005 · 08/12/2017 19:00

I'm lost for words ! Even if you do get it back, I don't think I'd give it to fil as she'd likely take it from his house & sell it anyway

I don't hold out much hope of cf dh being a decent sort of he goes along with her scam proposals 🙄

showmewhatyougot · 08/12/2017 19:03

Is it farming equipment?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/12/2017 19:04

Considering what the bidding's up to, I hope to god it's not this ...

www.ebay.com.au/itm/Large-19thC-Brass-Gould-Type-Microscope-Hugh-Powell-London-c1820/372152762261?hash=item56a6087f95:g:BmsAAOSwYxBaH9ke

Omasa · 08/12/2017 19:06

Place marking