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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to respond to arsey message?

170 replies

Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 02:57

Live in a flat share, one of my housemates is against putting the heating up and I never touch it normally (it’s on a timer).

I turned it to “on” for once (yes it’s the middle of the night but I’m in my room working and was frozen) and just got an arsey message saying “someone has messed with the heating, it’s 3am - this isn’t on. My room is really warm”.

What to say? Aibu? I appreciate where they are coming from but equally it’s my house too and it was a one-off! And I object to being told “it’s not on” 🙄

OP posts:
Smitff · 01/12/2017 03:01

“Open the window. I’m bloody freezing and I’m working”

Coolaschmoola · 01/12/2017 03:05

'Turn your radiator down, then we'll BOTH be at a temperature we're happy with, rather than you being ok whilst I freeze.'

justilou1 · 01/12/2017 03:07

Turn your radiator off. Other people live here too.

Zeelove · 01/12/2017 03:10

This would annoy me too! I can't sleep with the heating on and it would wake me up. Bit shitty if they are working in the morning. I wouldn't send a text though.

Maybe treat yourself to a small heater?

user1487372252 · 01/12/2017 03:10

Wait till the morning and see what they say before replying as they may not be so arsey then. Sometimes people are moanier when they are tired/just woken up. Just explain your reasons then and maybe let them know if you're going to do this again they can turn their radiator off in advance.

vwlphb · 01/12/2017 03:13

"I'm up working, and it's very cold so I turned the heating on. I'll have it back to normal in the morning."

If they moan, you can just say, "Yes, normally I don't touch it as I know you prefer it that way, but it's freezing tonight, so I think a bit of give and take is fair."

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 01/12/2017 03:45

"Nobody's "messed with it". I turned it on because I'm cold."

Don't bother advising them to open windows etc. Treat them like you're being treated.

Saying "someone's messed with it" is infantalising you. You're not a child! You don't "mess with things"

You've done what needed to be done.

OtterInDisgrace · 01/12/2017 03:49

I’d also go with: ‘you can always turn off your radiator but I need some heat. We all live here, not just you’.

The cheek of it!

Original poster
Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 03:53

This was full message, sorry I paraphrased incorrectly: “I have woken up because my room is so warm to find that the heating is on. It is 3am - this isn't on.”

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 01/12/2017 03:54

Granted it is very cold, but I'd be annoyed if someone put the heating on at 3am. Get yourself a portable radiator for future use.

Original poster
Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 03:54

I get on well with them normally but they have a problem with the heating being on unless on timer... from a costs perspective I believe. But I feel like a naughty child due to the tone

OP posts:
Original poster
Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 03:55

As a one off though?! I was freezing with extra blankets/in bed (studying)...

OP posts:
OtterInDisgrace · 01/12/2017 03:55

I get where she’s coming from if it was unexpected. In which case you need to talk to her and say that the temperature of the shared space isn’t her decision and that sometimes you may need more heat than she wants.

In which case she should turn her radiator off overnight just in case.

Slartybartfast · 01/12/2017 04:00

cant you work during the day? of course it is cold at 3.00 am.

Original poster
Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 04:24

Maybe Aibu then?!

OP posts:
KathArtic · 01/12/2017 04:44

To be fair, it's unusual to be working at 3am - I thought you going to be sitting a desk. If you are in bed can you put a jumper and socks on, and an extra blanket?

You don't really need to warm the whole flat.

ProseccoMamam · 01/12/2017 04:46

'Turn your radiator down and crack the window open and then shut the fuck up and go back to sleep you arsey cunt'

cloudchasing · 01/12/2017 04:49

ProseccoMamam Grin

dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 01/12/2017 04:50

Bloody hell, no you're not BU. Some people run hot, doesn't mean you have to freeze.
Write back 'I was awake frozen. This isn't on'.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/12/2017 04:51

If it is for occasional use, buy a heater. One that is silent so she doesn’t know it’s there. Hide it when you are out. It’ll be more cost effective and save arguments. If you want more heat in general, that’s a negotiation and a compromise. Thus is the nature of flat sharing and she doesn’t get to dictate to you.

The correct response is. “Sorry I woke you. I couldn’t sleep and was studying. It is very cold tonight.” It really isn’t worth engaging. Your flat mate is intimidating you with the heating in general. It would be equally inconsiderate to wake her up again though so time to find a better plan.

Bicyclethief · 01/12/2017 04:53

Some of the responses😳. Just ignore them, it's a one off fgs.

charlestonchaplin · 01/12/2017 04:58

A hot water bottle would be the best solution in this situation. Keeps you warm, keeps costs down. Energy is expensive. Heating costs are a worry for many, especially with winter starting early this year.

charlestonchaplin · 01/12/2017 05:02

Electric heaters are expensive and can struggle to warm larger rooms. You can get used to having the room warmer than you really need with an electric heater to hand, and everyone will be sharing that cost.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/12/2017 05:16

Charleston
That is true. I think halogen heaters work out the most efficient as they are directional and heat an object, not a room.

My bedroom goes down to about 15 at night, which isn’t a great temperature to work in. I’m definitely not condoning regular use of any heater though. That would be unfair as you say, everyone shares the cost and isn’t normal to have the heating on overnight so doing so shouldn’t be a shared cost.

charlestonchaplin · 01/12/2017 05:28

For me, living in a big old house with no insulation , 15 would be positively balmy, even in the daytime!