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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to respond to arsey message?

170 replies

Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 02:57

Live in a flat share, one of my housemates is against putting the heating up and I never touch it normally (it’s on a timer).

I turned it to “on” for once (yes it’s the middle of the night but I’m in my room working and was frozen) and just got an arsey message saying “someone has messed with the heating, it’s 3am - this isn’t on. My room is really warm”.

What to say? Aibu? I appreciate where they are coming from but equally it’s my house too and it was a one-off! And I object to being told “it’s not on” 🙄

OP posts:

MissionItsPossible · 01/12/2017 12:50

I'd be so annoyed if someone put the heating on at 3am. If I fall to sleep in a place where the heating is on through the night I wake up with a really sore throat and stuffy nose. Although my heating is quite loud when it powers up so that probably would have woken me up anyway being a light sleeper.

OtterInDisgrace · 01/12/2017 15:05

@anutteridiot

Er, "three-year Al-Qaida's" was intended to read "three external walled" We were not a terrorist cell!

Hilarious

Ceto · 01/12/2017 16:16

since when is there a rule you can't have the heating on at 3am?

When you're asking other people to contribute towards the cost of that heating? And when putting on the heating will benefit you but not them, and will make them wake up hot and uncomfortable in the middle of the night?

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 16:28

And when putting on the heating will benefit you but not them, and will make them wake up hot and uncomfortable in the middle of the night?

By this reasoning, it would be unreasonable for any flatmate to switch the heating on until everybody is there. Too bad for people who work shifts, or even slightly different hours than the one who has decided to be in charge of the heating! Too bad for people who are unwell, at home, study at night etc. How would that even work in practice?

Utterly ridiculous. It's reasonable to have a discussion to make sure people are reminded to switch off their radiators, but why should one decide the way others must live?

It's the OP's HOME just as well. She is entitled to have the heating on as much as anyone else in that property.

dangermouse7 · 01/12/2017 16:30

Not RTFT, but can the 'super warm' person not just turn down their radiator?!

It's really not rocket science!

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 16:44

dangermouse7

I hope you have a hard hat
(I completely agree with you, but was called various insulting names for stating the bloody obvious!)

Ceto · 01/12/2017 17:06

By this reasoning, it would be unreasonable for any flatmate to switch the heating on until everybody is there.

Obviously not. You work on the basis that the heating will come on when most people want it, which is obviously what has happened in OP's flat. Given that clearly none of the others want the heating on at 3 a.m. - otherwise it would be set to come on at that time - and most people (in the UK at least) dislike sleeping in over-warm rooms, it's a no-brainer that the wishes of the majority prevail. Particularly when they also have to pay for the privilege of being woken up in the middle of the night.

Ceto · 01/12/2017 17:10

Not RTFT, but can the 'super warm' person not just turn down their radiator?!

Well, they could, always supposing they know that their inconsiderate flatmate is going to turn the heating on without warning in the middle of the night. Otherwise what happens is that they wake up at 3 a.m. hot and uncomfortable, have to get up to turn the radiator off, and still can't sleep till the room cools down. Then when they wake up at the normal time, their room is cold because the radiator's turned off.

Or the inconsiderate flatmate could just get a heater for her room or put a few more layers on.

Jaxhog · 01/12/2017 17:12

'Turn your radiator down, then we'll BOTH be at a temperature we're happy with, rather than you being ok whilst I freeze.

This. Or tell her that you'll be working in her room in future, as its warm.

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 17:36

Unless you specify that you exclusively want roommates on the exact same schedule than you, the whole story is nonsense I am afraid.

Just looking at my office, people start work between 7 - 7:30am and 10am. If you are on the 9 or 10am start, someone putting the heating on at 5 to get up at 6 will bother you.

So yes, it's reasonable to warn the others that you might need the heating on at 3, 4 or 5am to give them a chance to switch off their radiators. Then it's not reasonable to have to spend the night freezing cold in your own home!

Ceto · 01/12/2017 17:37

'Turn your radiator down, then we'll BOTH be at a temperature we're happy with, rather than you being ok whilst I freeze.

Answer to that: "No, because when I wake up in the morning I'll freeze whilst you'll be warm. Whereas you could plan ahead and invest in a cheap and cheerful heater, or put a few more layers on, or go to bed like the rest of us."

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 17:40

or go to bed like the rest of us.

seriously?

MatildaTheCat · 01/12/2017 17:43

OP says she was in bed, studying but got cold. Extra layers and a hot water bottle would have fixed the problem.

I’d be very cross to wake up at 3am and find the heating on. It’s really uncomfortable and whose to say it’s a one off? The winter has only just got going.

thecatneuterer · 01/12/2017 17:48

I would also be very, very annoyed to be woken by the heating coming on at 3am. OP get yourself some other sort of heater for when you want heat when everyone else is asleep.

thecatneuterer · 01/12/2017 17:50

So to answer how to reply to the message, my suggestion would be:

'I'm so sorry. I realise now I was being inconsiderate. I will get myself a room heater so it won't happen again'. How's that?

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 17:54

My answer would be: I am sorry I woke you up without warning. Please be aware I need the heating on when I am cold, so it will be on at night and you might want to turn your radiator off to avoid being bothered by it".

Adults are entitled not to have a curfew in their own home, when they pay rent!

If it's too cold to get dressed without heating (all 2 minutes that it will take), it's far too cold to be studying!

AintNoOtherFan · 01/12/2017 17:57

Could you not invest in an electric blanket if you're working on bed?

MoreHairyThanScary · 01/12/2017 18:14

Are you sure your radiator is fully working ( have you bled it recently) to make sure that when the heating IS on your room is getting a fair share of the heat ( so hopefully it wouldn't get so cold). I agree with other posters that an oil filled radiator would be a good investment you can heat your room when you want.

NotAgainYoda · 01/12/2017 18:55

Having all the heating on and turning off one radiator is not the solution when only one person needs it to be warm in her room. That makes no logical or financial sense

NotAgainYoda · 01/12/2017 18:56

This thread is so ridiculous

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 20:29

I can imagine the reactions if it was a husband, not a flatmate, moaning about the heating on when his wife gets up to feed a baby at night and tell her to buy herself an electric blanket.

thecatneuterer · 01/12/2017 20:32

coddiwomple what if it was the husband waking the rest of the family up at 3am by putting the heating on because he fancied doing his hobby at 3am and was chilly?

Ceto · 01/12/2017 20:57

Well, you could answer that if you were thoroughly selfish. Why precisely should the flatmates pay to have every room in the flat heated when only one is needed, and it could be avoided by OP wrapping up properly and/or thinking ahead and getting a small heater? Yes, I know the heater would add to the fuel bills, but not as much as heating the entire flat, with or without the flatmates' bedrooms.

Adults are entitled not to have a curfew in their own home, when they pay rent!

What curfew? There was nothing to stop OP being up all night if she wanted to, or to stop her taking the steps already described to keep warm.

If it's too cold to get dressed without heating (all 2 minutes that it will take), it's far too cold to be studying!

It's more than just getting dressed, isn't it? No-one leaps straight out of bed into their clothes, or at least no-one with normal hygiene standards. And if it's too cold for OP to study despite, presumably, having the option of being fully dressed and at least partially under the bedclothes, it's certainly too cold for her flatmates to be wandering around in PJs or the nude with no heating in their rooms.

Ceto · 01/12/2017 21:00

I can imagine the reactions if it was a husband, not a flatmate, moaning about the heating on when his wife gets up to feed a baby at night and tell her to buy herself an electric blanket.

Doesn't work as an argument. Any fule kno that the baby needs warmth, not least because a nappy may well need to be changed. You can't tell a baby to stop peeing and pooing, or to stop waving his legs around and kicking off his blankets.

kaytee87 · 01/12/2017 21:03

Buy an oil heater, electric blanket or hot water bottle. It's really inconsiderate to turn the heating on for the whole flat at 3am. Being too hot at night gives me horrible dreams and I wake feeling sick with a migraine. I'd be arsy too if I were her.

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