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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to respond to arsey message?

170 replies

Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 02:57

Live in a flat share, one of my housemates is against putting the heating up and I never touch it normally (it’s on a timer).

I turned it to “on” for once (yes it’s the middle of the night but I’m in my room working and was frozen) and just got an arsey message saying “someone has messed with the heating, it’s 3am - this isn’t on. My room is really warm”.

What to say? Aibu? I appreciate where they are coming from but equally it’s my house too and it was a one-off! And I object to being told “it’s not on” 🙄

OP posts:

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 09:53

It's unreasonable to be expect to live in tshirt and flip flops in a flat share when it's minus 10 outside. However, it's not unreasonable at all to have the heating on in your flat WHEN YOU NEED IT!

Agree, it's worth having a discussion about it, but if people study at night, get up at 5am, stay home during the day or stay up late in the evening, they are perfectly entitled to have the heating on at any time they are there.

Why should the OP have to get a hot water bottle? If the heating on is not enough, yes as a top up, but not instead of heating, which seems to be on when the other people needs it!

I agree, people get irate in the middle of the night, but in a friendly and measured chat, it's worth reminding the flatmate to switch off her radiators when she doesn't need them to avoid any inconvenience.

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 09:55

AnUtterIdiot

RhiannonOHara · 01/12/2017 10:01

Well, 3am is not a ver sociable or usual time to be up/working/tinkering with things in the house. Plus, personally I hate waking up to an overly warm room –it's suffocating – so I see where she's coming from.

But she could easily have turned her radiator all the way down. I do this before I go to sleep so it doesn't come on at 6am and cook me in my bed.

Have a house chat to clarify that everyone needs to be responsible for the temperature in their own rooms.

FizzyWaterAndElderflower · 01/12/2017 10:12

It's not about being miserly. In the UK there's a national predisposition to sleeping in a cold bedroom.

Absolutely this - I live abroad, and everywhere is kept uncomfortably hot, and none of the heating in any of the 3 places I've lived (and other places I've visited) has thermostatic valves, or timers on the heating.

I suspect because community heating is a thing here, and if you're paying a flat rate per month to heat your flat, then you're just going to leave it on all the time.

I basically follow people around the house closing doors/windows and turning radiators off. The nanny thinks I'm a bit mad, but I'm the one who pays for the heating (we're not on communal heating) so I don't care.

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 10:20

I haven't witnessed hot bedrooms at night abroad frankly, people seem to know how to turn their radiators on or off worldwide.

What I have seen in the UK are families who have heating on a timer, and do not tolerate the heating being on during the day even when they have an au pair or a nanny there. I have heard so many complaints from girls who were freezing, and not allowed to turn the heating on until the family came home. Bloody rude if you ask me.

I have also heard many families in the UK stating that they have the same duvet all year round, and again au-pair sleeping with their clothes on in a non-heated bedroom with only a summer duvet on their bed! Some people are very odd.

Bibidy · 01/12/2017 10:26

This is why it's so hard to live in a flatshare!

Tbh I think your housemate is being unreasonable, you have as much right to turn the heating on as they have to keep it off and it's not like you're insisting on having it on all the time.

RidingWindhorses · 01/12/2017 10:31

Electric fan heaters are not very expensive and warm a room up very quickly. I also use hot water bottles a lot.

I think it's ok to turn the heating on during the day if it's really cold, but not at 3am.

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 10:38

I think it's ok to turn the heating on during the day if it's really cold, but not at 3am.

Why not? Serious question. I get the others should be reminded from now on to switch their radiators off at night to avoid being disturbed.
But why would someone be allowed to put the heating on during the day, when everybody else is at work for example, but not at night?

Flatshare or not, the heating should be on when people need it. (of course, at reasonable temperatures and with the windows closed etc.) It's much healthier to keep a constant temperature than going from cold to hot at fixed times.

YouThought · 01/12/2017 10:41

What did you do OP?

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 01/12/2017 10:43

I'm cold. Fuck off.

Caroelle · 01/12/2017 10:49

There are alternatives such as a Halogen heater or one of those throws that are heated? The throws use very little electricity. It is wasteful to heat the whole house at 3am, and I would be annoyed if I had been woken up because I had overheated.

charlestonchaplin · 01/12/2017 10:50

People aren't usually snuggled up in bed in the daytime, coddiwimple.

RidingWindhorses · 01/12/2017 10:51

Why not?

Because suddenly getting hot in the middle of the night will wake everyone up, as it did the flatmate.

If the housemates turn their radiators off at night they won't come on in the mornings and they will wake up to a cold flat and get dressed in the cold.

It makes much more sense for the OP to get her own heater and a hot water bottle so she can regulate the temperature in her room as she likes.

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 10:52

If the housemates turn their radiators off at night they won't come on in the mornings and they will wake up to a cold flat and get dressed in the cold.

but that's ok for the OP (or anyone else) to have to study in that cold temperature?
If it's too cold for them, it's too cold for the OP> You just prove my point exactly.

RidingWindhorses · 01/12/2017 10:53

Putting heating on during the day is not actively antisocial.

RidingWindhorses · 01/12/2017 11:01

^but that's ok for the OP (or anyone else) to have to study in that cold temperature? grin
If it's too cold for them, it's too cold for the OP> You just prove my point exactly.^

Too cold for one person in the middle of the night who could put on her own heater to keep warm, as opposed to too cold for everyone when they wake up in the morning when it's reasonable for the heating to be on. The heating will be programmed to come on automatically in the mornings and evenings when the majority of flat mates are likely to be home.

If the OP is studying at home during the day and is too cold then it's ok to discuss this with her flatmates because it won't inconvenience them being on. The cost may be an issue and she might compare the extra cost of the heating vs the extra electricity for a personal heater.

But it's not reasonable to turn on the heating for herself alone at 3am when everyone else is wrapped up at night, and it will wake them up.

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 11:01

Putting the heating on at night is not antisocial either

RidingWindhorses · 01/12/2017 11:02

Yes it is, are you 14? Your responses seem very immature.

LunasSpectreSpecs · 01/12/2017 11:04

I haven't witnessed hot bedrooms at night abroad frankly, people seem to know how to turn their radiators on or off worldwide.

We stayed in a Florida apartment this summer - air conditioned - and set to 74F 24 hours a day. That's 23.3C and although OK during the day was unbearably stuffy and warm at night. And yes, often have the same problem in hotel rooms and especially where you can't open the windows.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12606943

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 11:09

RidingWindhorses

Why are you ridiculous?
If it's cold, you put the heating on, what on earth is wrong with that. Others keep their radiators off if they don't want to be disturbed and problem solved.

Are you one of these "computer says no" people?

RidingWindhorses · 01/12/2017 11:11

Immature, selfish and not very bright. I'm sorry I can't be arsed with this. There are plenty of intelligent responses on the thread.

coddiwomple · 01/12/2017 11:12

RidingWindhorses

Ok.... !

fessmess · 01/12/2017 11:17

Turning heating on at 3am is selfish and unesscessary imo. I would be pisses off, why does one person's needs trump everyone else's?

c3pu · 01/12/2017 11:53

It's a bit daft to turn on the heating for a whole house, just to warm up one room at 3am.

If you find you need warmth at 3am, I'd be investing in an oil filled radiator - they're silent and warm the room like central heating get a 1KW one and place it next to your desk then you'll be fine and all the rest of the house will be happy in the cool bedrooms.

pigeondujour · 01/12/2017 12:49

Just a thought but have you ever considered an oil filled radiator for your room?

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