How to respond to arsey message?

[Seesawsick]

Live in a flat share, one of my housemates is against putting the heating up and I never touch it normally (it’s on a timer).

I turned it to “on” for once (yes it’s the middle of the night but I’m in my room working and was frozen) and just got an arsey message saying “someone has messed with the heating, it’s 3am - this isn’t on. My room is really warm”.

What to say? Aibu? I appreciate where they are coming from but equally it’s my house too and it was a one-off! And I object to being told “it’s not on” 🙄

You are both being a bit unreasonable. Heating the whole flat to the discomfort of one resident is just as bad as expecting one resident to be uncomfortably cold. You need to work out a way to both be comfortable by talking to eachother.

If you are in a house share are you all tenants or is one person the tenant and the others pay rent to him/her? do you share all bills or what ? I think you need to discuss this sensibly later today , and as others have said if you need to be warm at 3 a.m regularly think of other ways to do it. If you are all out all day you would leave the heating on would you? Most people will be asleep at 3 a.m so don't need the heating on. Ours isn't and we had snow yesterday and it was nippy.

My heating wakes me up in the morning - so I’d be annoyed if you turned it on at 3am!

A little oilfikled radiator or an electric blanket would help keep you warm without needing to heat the whole flat.

You obviously knew you were going to be up late working, so WBU not to warn her in advance that you might want the heating on and would this be ok? It was a cold night so it shouldn't have come as a surprise. If you'd warned her she might have agreed and turned her radiator off. Otherwise you could have put on an extra layer.

She WBU to send an arsey text at 3am and potentially wake other people up.

You should apologise either way and talk about what happens if you need to work at that hour again. (It would be better if you could be more organised in future.)

It is pretty horrible to wake in the middle of the night hot. I would be grouchy too if the heating unexpectedly was on when i was asleep.

her tone is very condescending though.

YANBU. If she's too hot she can open a window.

It doesn't matter whether you're a hot person or a cold person - 3am is not a normal time to have the heating on and it's wasteful to heat the whole flat because you've decided to stay up all night and study. Just use a hot water bottle or some extra blankets!

This ...

OP - heating the whole flat at 3am just because you are cold in your one room isn't on. Buy a heater for your room.

It doesn't matter whether you're a hot person or a cold person - 3am is not a normal time to have the heating on and it's wasteful to heat the whole flat because you've decided to stay up all night and study. Just use a hot water bottle or some extra blankets!

I agree with this sorry! I get migraines if the heating is on overnight. We do have it on but turn off the radiator in our room - but it’s just us and the kids so completely different setup.

Buy an oil filled radiator that you can plug in. It will keep your room cosy and not affect others and would be cheaper than heating the whole property. They aren't very expensive to buy and a good one, say by delonghi, will have thermostat which will switch itself off at the desired heat.

Why wouldn't the flat mate just turn the radiator off in her room?

Because it would still take time to cool down to a level that's comfortable for sleeping in. And because that still leaves the radiators blasting out in other rooms in the flat despite the fact that heat is only actually needed in one room - and OP doesn't suggest she's going to pay extra towards the heating bills to cover that.

YANBU. If she's too hot she can open a window.

So she should pay for the entire flat to be heated and then pay for wasted heat through her window? Plus she either has to stay awake to close it again if or when OP deigns to go to bed and turn the heating off, or will wake up to a freezing cold room in the morning.

It's really inconsiderate to turn the heating on at 3 am if you live with others. People do get 'arsey' when they are rudely awaken at 3 am. I would go for the electric blanket and apologise to your flatmate.

I'd be completely pissed off if you turned heating on at night just for you - your heating the whole property. Get halogen heater or something and pay the extra electric yourself.

Get an electric blanket, and a housemate who isn't a fucking arse hole

I don't think you can criticise someone for being scratchy when they've been totally unnecessarily woken at 3 a.m. because a flatmate chooses to put the heating on for the entire flat when she only needs one room heated.

I'd be pissed off too at you putting on the heating at that time.

get a fan heater

She is absolutely ridiculous.

It's worth having a chat calmly, but since when is there a rule you can't have the heating on at 3am? The heating is on in my house 24h a day, turned off in my own bedroom, the radiators are on low elsewhere. I've tested it, it works out a lot cheaper to keep a warm house, than letting it getting freezing at night and blasting the radiators on first thing in the morning. By the time the house is warm enough, we're leaving anyway, makes no sense.

She should go into the habit of turning her radiators off at night, so she is not bothered by the heating coming off. It is a fair solution for everybody.

I understand it's a flatshare, but where does it stop? You are not allowed to switch the heating on when you are home alone and the others at work, because it's wasted? You have to wait for ALL the residents to be in, up and ready? Ridiculous. It wouldn't work.

Mumsnet, the home of heating misers

Wtaf OP you ARE NOT BU ffs ignore the "3 degrees isn't cold" weirdos they're prob rattling round in their big houses, with thousands in the bank, absolutely freezing like most weirdos on this site

So many bloody rude responses on here! And so what is OP was working at 3am? For all people know, she’s working all fucking day and studying at night.

I don’t think you should have turned the heating on, but as a one off I think your house mate was spectacularly rude and they should have just talked to you about it today. Getting woken up by annoying heat isn’t carte blanche to fire off an arsey text.

I agree with pp suggestion of an electric blanket. If you study in bed, it really will keep you warm.

“I have woken up because my room was so cold so I put the heating on"

Coddi it’s not a rule, just like it’s not a rule to close doors to keep heat it.

It’s not generally something you discuss is it when you move in with someone is it?

OP is cold, her flat mate has been woken by the heat. The flat mate is the one that’s been inconvenienced not OP, although I think it’s reasonable that she didn’t really think about it.

OP just apologise in the morning, say you didn’t realise and you’ll get a hot water bottle. A lot of people getting aerated over something extremely easily fixed.

AnUtterIdiot possibly the best autocorrect I’ve ever seen!