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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to respond to arsey message?

170 replies

Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 02:57

Live in a flat share, one of my housemates is against putting the heating up and I never touch it normally (it’s on a timer).

I turned it to “on” for once (yes it’s the middle of the night but I’m in my room working and was frozen) and just got an arsey message saying “someone has messed with the heating, it’s 3am - this isn’t on. My room is really warm”.

What to say? Aibu? I appreciate where they are coming from but equally it’s my house too and it was a one-off! And I object to being told “it’s not on” 🙄

OP posts:

ButchyRestingFace · 01/12/2017 21:03

I can imagine the reactions if it was a husband, not a flatmate, moaning about the heating on when his wife gets up to feed a baby at night and tell her to buy herself an electric blanket.

That’s a completely different relationship. Husband and wife with baby are not flatmates.

frieda909 · 01/12/2017 21:29

This is just one of those annoying flatshare situations where there isn’t really a right answer. YANBU to want to heat your room when you’re cold. She is NBU to be annoyed at unexpectedly waking up too hot during the night. The arsey message wasn’t the best way to approach it, it would have been better for her to speak to you cordially about it in the morning. But it was the middle of the night and she was cranky.

I think these things happen in a flatshare and you have to just grin and bear it sometimes. My old flatmate used to wake me up every time she came home late, due to very thin walls and creaky floorboards. I would lie there in the middle of the night seething, but rationally I knew that she hadn’t done anything wrong and she was entitled to walk around her own room getting ready for bed.

GlitterNails · 02/12/2017 00:44

I don't see why the person who doesn't like warmth always trumps the cold person. The OP will probably now get a heater - but might not have known in advance they would be studying late for whatever reason to plan in advance - or known how cold it would be.

I had a similar situation in my houseshare that one particular housemate always complained it was hot - even when snow was on the ground outside, and would go and turn the heating off. In the end I got my own heater for my room and kept it on secretly as I was freezing in a badly created garage conversion and have a chronic pain conditon that means I struggle in cold - and just had to rush about the rest of the house when I needed to cook etc. The rest of us wanted the heating on, so it's incredibly selfish that her want made of all the rest of the household uncomfortable.

TheSunIsFar · 02/12/2017 00:51

Yurgh - sod that! I have the heating on in my year pretty much year round. It's not crazy expensive as we have a small house but it's worth it to be comfortable in my home because I am ALWAYS cold!

Yanbu but it's worth a discussion not just a text.

GretchenFranklin · 02/12/2017 00:54

The answer is obviously 'sorry I'll get a little £20 heater for my room at night.'

Honestly I have not rtft but this is how we manage co living right?

Raindancer411 · 02/12/2017 01:28

My heating has just come on and it's 1:27am. We have it set to keep house at 18c. What temp is yours set to?

I would personally get a little heater if it will make it easier on you

NotAgainYoda · 02/12/2017 07:31

frieda

I disagree. There is an easy answer.The OP has a way to sort it without affecting the rest of the house.

LoislovesStewie · 02/12/2017 08:38

I'm amazed that people put heating on in the middle of the night! We have never done this , not even when OH worked shifts and got up at 2 a.m regularly.. I get up at about 6 a. m most days but don't put the heating on as I'm still warm from bed. Heating comes on when others are up. Clearly I could not flat share as it would drive me mad!

nikkylou · 02/12/2017 09:14

It's one night?! How low do all of you have your heating that one extra night of heat bumps your bill up by that much?

OP, if you find that you're frequently studying at night and it's a bit nippy of course invest in one of the many suggestions. But I don't think for one night at 3 am when you're already tucked into a reasonable amount of layers you were being unreasonable to turn on the heating. What were you supposed to do, go to the shop at 3am for a heater?

She is being unreasonable sending the text to everyone, it could have been solved with a quick mention in the morning that the heating disturbed one nights sleep.

Talk to her in the morning, mention you were cold, apologise you disturbed her sleep and decide if you can adjust the heating to accommodate everyone more.

Katherine2626 · 02/12/2017 18:11

She can turn her radiator off. She can open the window. She can stop expecting to have full control over the heating in a shared house. She can grow up and stop being entitled.

Softkitty2 · 02/12/2017 18:15

I never realised turning on the heating in the middle of the night is not a done thing?!

grimeofthecentury · 02/12/2017 18:35

It's Mumsnet, it's not the done thing to have heating on AT ALL 😂

UrsulaPandress · 02/12/2017 18:52

Who gets up to put the heating on?

sunshine11 · 02/12/2017 19:12

You are being unreasonable. Unless you normally work at 3am. In which case this is one of the things that should have been discussed when taking the room. The reason you are smarting is that you've been called out!

Get a cheap electric heater and keep the heating off. Everyone happy!

Crunchymum · 02/12/2017 19:21

If it were just the two of you, I would say get the most electricity guzzling means of heating your room and run it as often as you can (the hike in electricity costs should learn the flatmate?)

Obvs this isn't going to work here though.

I appreciate people not reading the whole thread but surely they made it through the first post? Where the OP says that one of her flatmates is against having the heating up? (And the OP never usually touches the heating) So this is not a one off, it's a bone of contention.

What do your other housemates think OP? How do you currently deal with cold days?

Apollo440 · 02/12/2017 21:13

Technology is your friend. Spend £20 on a programmable radiator valve and she can program it to always be off at night.

www.amazon.co.uk/eqiva-142461A0-Bluetooth-Radiator-Thermostat/dp/B01D8LY77Y/ref=sr_1_18_sspa?psc=1&keywords=programmable+radiator+valves&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1512248521&sr=8-18-spons

caringcarer · 02/12/2017 22:05

Going forward buy an electric under blanket that can stay on all night if necessary but offer to pay extra for the extra electricity you will be using. It is not fair to make others hot during the night without warning. I hate being woken up and so I might be arsey too.

Purplealienpuke · 03/12/2017 08:14

I too think you should get an electric blanket.
I wouldn't be happy at finding the heating on in the middle of the night, not because I'm a skinflint but because I'm menopausal and melting 99% of the time!
There must be a compromise. Your flatmate needs to be told she is not your parent, you're all paying your share of the bills and if you have varying degrees of temperature requirements you have to discuss this like ADULTS!!

liverbird10 · 03/12/2017 22:52

When I was at uni in Hull, living in a shared house, I would regularly turn the boiler on late at night because it was bloody freezing.

I came downstairs one morning to find a note from one of my housemates asking "HAVE YOU A COLD HEART?"

Turns out the boiler was in his bedroom and kept him up all night when I turned it on.

Motherofteen · 03/12/2017 22:53

I was quite nocturnal as a student and once had the same issue with me putting the heating on and flatmates waking up hot in bed. So I bought an electric heater and problem solved. It's fair enough.

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