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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to respond to arsey message?

170 replies

Seesawsick · 01/12/2017 02:57

Live in a flat share, one of my housemates is against putting the heating up and I never touch it normally (it’s on a timer).

I turned it to “on” for once (yes it’s the middle of the night but I’m in my room working and was frozen) and just got an arsey message saying “someone has messed with the heating, it’s 3am - this isn’t on. My room is really warm”.

What to say? Aibu? I appreciate where they are coming from but equally it’s my house too and it was a one-off! And I object to being told “it’s not on” 🙄

OP posts:
Bowerbird5 · 01/12/2017 05:31

Oil filled radiators are cheap to run and warm up a room quickly and give out some heat for a while after turning off. Dimplex are good ones. I think it is fair enough to put it on when you are working. A bit of give and take needed.

Pengggwn · 01/12/2017 05:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iBiscuit · 01/12/2017 05:46

“it’s not on”
"Yes it is - I turned it on. LOL.

I think you're both being U. It is too cold for no heating tonight, but I get that people like Baltic bedrooms.

WWIII will break out if you buy a secret heater, mind.

Ellisandra · 01/12/2017 05:51

Is it usual for you to be working at 03:00?
Because if I'd been woken by my room being too hot at that time, I would assume someone had messed about with the heating and set that time accidentally - and if money were tight I'd be especially cross at the waste.
I think a non groveller but genuine "sorry" is in order. It's rubbish working in the cold, but it's also rubbish having your sleep interrupted.
I don't think your flat mate was infantilising with the phrase "messed with" - that would have been my assumption too.

pigeondujour · 01/12/2017 05:56

I think if you're going to turn the heating on overnight unexpectedly (which, to be honest, would piss me off from a cost perspective too) you should inform people before so they can turn off their radiators. But really I'd be thinking if you're working at 3am stick on two jumpers and snuggly socks, and accept that that's no time for heating the cost and temperature of which is shared with housemates. Sleeping with heating on can make people wake up feeling really poorly plus it is very expensive. She should have been polite in her text though for the sake of household harmony.

pictish · 01/12/2017 06:24

I'd get a wee fan heater for occasions such as this. No point heating a whole house at 3am just because one person is studying in their room. As this is a one off, I'd reply 'I put the heating on because I'm up and it was cold'.

mumonashoestring · 01/12/2017 06:29

For one room if you're going to be up at night regularly, buying an oil filled radiator would be a good cheap fix. We used to keep one room permanently heated to about 20c with one of those and really didn't notice much difference in electricity bills. And no, you're not unreasonable to want the heating on, and yes she could turn her radiator off, but it probably does come across as properly thoughtless when you just pop the heating on in the middle of the night with no warning and no chance to go round switching off radiators in bedrooms. If she's anything like me when we leave the heating on by mistake she's probably woken up with a banging headache, sore throat and dry eyes which doesn't tend to put anyone in a particularly sunny mood.

OssomMummy1 · 01/12/2017 06:31

Sleep outdoors after leaving your quilt in the washing machine.

Charolais · 01/12/2017 06:40

Can you buy yourself on of those little electric space heaters for your room? I keep one in my guest rooms because I turn the central heating was down at night and some people prefer it warmer at night.

BanyanTree · 01/12/2017 06:43

Let's discuss tomorrow. In the meantime I am not going to allow myself to freeze in this weather.

LoislovesStewie · 01/12/2017 06:50

Heating the whole house and waking others up at 3.a.m is not a good move. (And I wouldn't expect those others to have to wake up and turn their radiators off. ) I would wake up if someone turned the heating on at 3 a.m. You all need to have a calm discussion about the heating bills, when it's ok to put extra heat on and who is going to pay the bills if they rise. I have never put heating on in the night because I think in bed with duvet / extra warm throw is enough. If the weather is really bad we keep it on low BUT it has never clicked on even when the snow has been on the ground. Just for interest what temp did you turn the thermostat to?

Billben · 01/12/2017 06:55

this isn't on.

This is the bit that would give me the rage. Why should you be freezing just so she isn’t hot?
Sounds like a right little madam.

NotAgainYoda · 01/12/2017 06:58

Oil filled radiator

Her tone was arsey because it was in the middle of the night

RainbowPastel · 01/12/2017 07:01

I hate the heating on at night. It always gives me a headache.

hesterton · 01/12/2017 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VanillaSugar · 01/12/2017 07:06

Did she text ALL the housemates at 3am? So, if my phone had gone off at 3am and woken me up, I'd be quite glad that the heating was on so that I could get a drink and go to the loo with freezing my toes off.

As an innocent bystander flat mate, I'd be more annoyed at getting the text (misses the point of the thread).

Ceto · 01/12/2017 07:11

It really is selfish to make everyone else pay for heating the entire flat because you choose to work at 3 a.m., particularly given that that may well also mean that they can't sleep because it's too hot. As people say, if you intend to do that you should have a heater just for your room and/or simply wear more layers.

ScreamingValenta · 01/12/2017 07:11

"Sorry I woke you up. I do sometimes need to work during the night, and my room is very cold with the heating off. Could we have a chat later so we can decide how best to manage this in the future?"

You could then suggest she turns her own radiator off as a PP has said; or chips in to buy a portable heater/heated throw which could be for anyone's use on an occasional basis.

Chocolatecake12 · 01/12/2017 07:12

If it’s just you both in the house, she’s out of order texting you and not knocking on your door to discuss it with you.
I’d wait until you see her and discuss it face to face.

NotAgainYoda · 01/12/2017 07:16

Good response Screaming

Hookeslaw · 01/12/2017 07:28

I know it would be nice to not stoop to her level and reply politely but really.

Why does her comfort come before yours?

Why do some hot people think they have a right over cold people?

I often have the argument in the car with the heater. I always feel cold. I am tagged in that meme. Some people just do.

Tell her she isn't your Mother and stop being so whiny and controlling.

fucksakefay · 01/12/2017 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 01/12/2017 07:38

I think YABU to put the heating on in the night.

Most people can't sleep in rooms too warm and if The default is the heating off at night, most would be disturbed by the sudden warmth.

I have insomnia and regularly get up at odd hours but I would never dream of turning the heating on. It would be selfish because I know it would disturb my husband and children. I add on layers and climb under extra blankets.

In response to th text, I would apologise and quietly purchase a small heater.

GuntyMcGee · 01/12/2017 07:38

I think the problem here is that you're both a bit unreasonable.

She for trying to dictate how, when and how hot the heating is on and being arsey about it if someone puts it on outside of her dictated time scale.

You for putting heating on in the middle of the night.

You've both been massively inconsiderate and need to sit down and talk about it rationally. Neither of you are right, neither are wrong but you need to compromise.

A better solution would have been to have heating on at a low temp at night to keep the temp at around 16 degrees so no one will get too hot or cold.

Alternative solutions are she turns her radiator down at night and/or you get a small heater/hot water bottle or electric blanket.

Compromise is the key.

Ellisandra · 01/12/2017 07:40

I said above that the heat at 3am would wake me - and I'd be pissed off by that. (and the irritation at the fair assumption that someone had cocked it up)

But thinking about it - my heating wakes me up in the morning because I always get that just starting up cranking noise... Is it the same in your house? So even more reason to be annoyed!

It's not your fault you feel the cold (and it's not extreme to, at 3am on a very cold night!) but similarly it's not my fault that I find it hard to sleep once woken - and a 3am waking could have me up for 2 hours.

No "clever" reply - apologise and sort it out in the morning like an adult.