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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

956 replies

brasty · 22/11/2017 17:46

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

OP posts:
x2boys · 22/11/2017 17:48

I couldn't have done it I think I would have got to attached but each to their own I suppose?

Sirzy · 22/11/2017 17:50

As long as both parties are consenting and otherwise unattached then it falls into the “each to their own” category

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2017 17:50

I thought it was more common amongst 30/40 somethings for some reason.

Not quite sure why I thought that though.

I think it works for a lot of people, who don't want a proper relationship.

splendidisolation · 22/11/2017 17:50

Whats the issue?

Thekitten · 22/11/2017 17:51

I think yabu, if the boundaries are clear and both are consenting adults, then what's the problem? They're using each other to fulfill a need. I've done it and it was fun :)

Original poster
brasty · 22/11/2017 17:51

I thought it was mainly people in their twenties and younger doing this?

OP posts:
MrsPicklesonSmythe · 22/11/2017 17:51

You aren't into casual sex. Some people are. Safer to do it with someone you know and trust.
Yabu to refer to people who have more casual views on sexual relationships as 'tacky'. Sex just isn't that much of a big deal to a lot of people.

Original poster
brasty · 22/11/2017 17:53

I guess I think sex should be a big deal.

And not against casual sex. But friends with benefits is more than that.

OP posts:
Sheitgeist · 22/11/2017 17:54

I agree, but think you'll be told you're BU on here.
I've been on MN for years, and have seen loads of threads where a poster has been upset/confused/heartbroken because their FWB didn't become a proper partner/ left them/ slept with someone else etc. It seems feelings do start do get in the way.

And yes, it all just seems a bit tacky to me, too! >ducks

BishBoshBashBop · 22/11/2017 17:54

I know of a few people who have been in FWB type arrangements.

None if them ended well with one of them always falling for the other.

mustbemad17 · 22/11/2017 17:55

Not really. FwB is just scratching an itch, can be as casual or regular as both parties want. Bit off to call it tacky, just because you wouldn't do it

x2boys · 22/11/2017 17:55

It is which Is why I would have got too attached but that's my issue, if both people are happy with the arrangement than i cant see a problem?

Viviennemary · 22/11/2017 17:56

The expression is cringeworthy. No strings attached sex. (Not sure what sex with strings is but never mind) More than just friends mm.

moralberyll · 22/11/2017 17:57

No I don’t think casual sex is tacky, the only thing I raise an eyebrow about is one night stands with random people met in pubs/clubs and that is purely for safety reasons not because of the sex. Regular sex with the same person but not in a relationship? I can’t bring myself to clutch my pearls at that as long as it is safe and consenting then it is nobody else’s business.

WanderingTrolley1 · 22/11/2017 17:57

Yanbu.

Original poster
brasty · 22/11/2017 17:58

I am NOT against casual sex.

FWB is more than that

OP posts:
RoseWhiteTips · 22/11/2017 17:58

Tacky full stop - not just a bit tacky. It is not something the majority of women would think about, far less do.

Laiste · 22/11/2017 17:58

Oh i have the impression it's a mid 30s/40s/50s age group thing too.

20 somethings don't need the veneer of respectability which the 'friendship' bit is supposed to give. They just have a good time Grin

MortalEnemy · 22/11/2017 17:58

I think it's a pretty civilised arrangement if properly handled, and if neither party is deluded/dishonest/misunderstands the boundaries. As with any relationship between human beings friendship, marriage, romance it has the potential to go pear-shaped and cause pain, but it's hardly unique in that.

x2boys · 22/11/2017 17:59

I would think sex with strings is a relationship isnt It? I was never good at one night stands usually got hurt as feelings got in the way , that said my last one night stand is sat next to me we have been married nearly 13 years Grin

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2017 18:00

Friends with benefits sounds so much naicer than 'Fuck Buddies'

Now that phrase really does make me cringe.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/11/2017 18:02

What’s with the pearl clutching reference?

Ollivander84 · 22/11/2017 18:04

YABU
I had one for 16 years or so. Worked fine. We weren't technically friends as in we didn't hang out with the same people or go out together etc. We met (and first kissed) age 13

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 22/11/2017 18:04

I disagree. It’s better than people going to prostitutes or pretending that they are dating but only doing it for the sex. It’s not easy to find someone who’s compatible as a companion and sexually. FWB is good for those who are sexually compatible.
Personally I’m a single mum of 3 and would love a FWB situation. I miss sex and am only available sporadically so it would suit me well.

BMW6 · 22/11/2017 18:04

Oi - I was 47 when I embarked on a FWB relationship. Both single, neither looking for anything leading to marriage, had been friends for a couple of years.
Nothing trashy about it IMO - certainly not if compared to casual sex with total strangers!

We married a year later!