AIBU to think Friends With Benefits, is a bit tacky?

[brasty]

Maybe I am? But this seems to be much more common amongst young people. It all just makes me feel a bit "disgusted of Tunbridge Wells".

gingerclementine

Because not everyone wants a relationship

I had a FWB in my early twenties, was great. We would stop anytime either of us was in a relationship and just meet socially instead. Still good friends a decade and a half later, both of us married (to other people!) with DC.

I don’t understand being ok with casual sex but not ok with casual sex with the same person. The latter is so much safer, you trust the person so you’re not risking anything going back to their place (unlike with a stranger) and the sex isn’t better because you get to know what each other likes.

*sex IS better 😂

I think they’re brilliant & would rather that than to be a preten placeholder bf or gf.
No demands, no hassle, nice meals out & sex, without the boring trips to ikea & inlaws.
They’re brilliant, if you are not with someone you want a relationship with.

There are two kinds of fwb. The first is actually called fwb and yes it's tacky. The second isn't really referred to at all and is the kind of person that busybpeoole have around sovthat they can meet their needs without needing to have endless one night stands or to put the effort into a real relationship. Not really for me but I don't really see anything wrong with it, it's certainly much better than being one of those people who is constantly sleeping with ransoms from gI knows where.

yes it’s tacky I love it when people state their opinion as though it’s a fact.
Yabu op and why do you care anyway?
If you don’t like it don’t do it and just mind your own business.

Dipping - thank you. Embarassed to realise I had considered that possibility!

To me tacky is other people being so judgy on what consenting grown ups do in their own lives. Don't like FwB or the fuck buddy idea? Great...don't find one 😬

live and let live OP. You dont like it - dont do it. Dont judge others who do.

I was widowed 16 months ago. I do not want a romantic relationship with anyone for the forseeable future ( for many reasons) However, I'm a grown ass woman at 43 and would like to think that I might indeed have some sex again when I feel ready. I don't do pubs and clubs and i no longer have a wide network of friends. My opportunities to meet someone who will be decent, respectful and who turns me on are limited to mainly online ones. FwBs are really the only solutions for me. My only concerns revolve around whether the person I pick turns out to be violent etc. Concerns I'd have in any other forms of meeting and deciding I want to bonk someone.
I find it interesting that you have such strong feelings about something you're not experiencing or have experienced. Did you have a rather dull twenties/thirties? Are you secretly a little envious of sexually liberated women deciding exactly what they do and dont want?
Such an odd thing to find tacky.

TheNaze63 Nice meals out and sex. That sounds like a relationship.

I would hope that any decent relationship involves more than nice meals & sex 🤔🤔

Nice meals out and sex isn't a relationship.

A relationship is trust, love, compromise, respect, wanting to share a life together.

And you'd be amazed how many of the men in these fwb situations get very upset if the woman involved is seeing other men...many want all the benefits of being in a relationship with the bonus of them being able to sleep with other women without it being considered cheating!

I think it suits women who have maybe already been married or in long term cohabiting relationships and find themselves single, have busy lives and want sex without the complications. I'm more sceptical if a young woman in her twenties is in that situation as invariably they do want to meet someone, get married and have children.

Nice meals out and sex. That sounds like a relationship

Another way of looking at it is that both people in the friendship with benefits like eating out and having sex with one another.

The friend part of the 'friends with benefits' situation is important too -- I think some people imagine it's some sort of faceless, grunting transaction, where the two people involved don't do anything but take their clothes off...?

No a relationship does not mean you have to share a life together. You can have casual fun relationships, or deeply committed ones. But you are in a relationship.

MortalEnemy Some people here have talked about it as only meeting up for sex. It is clear that FWB term covers a wide type of arrangement from a casual relationship, to regular sex and nothing else.

In that case, it depends on your definition of the word. To me the word "relationship" means some form of commitment to another person. Not just sex and going out for dinner.

You're making an awful lot of assumptions OP. Have you actually embarked on a FwB relationship yourself or is this all stuff you have gleaned from elsewhere?

I don't understand if you think sex is a big deal, that you are ok with casual sex but not a FWB situation?

I had a FWB for a while, it was great. To be fair we dated for a few weeks but I quickly realised if I let myself fall for him he would hurt me. So I ended it, but we kept in touch, used to meet up every now and again and if we were both single we would have great sex, and if one of us was seeing anyone we would have a curry and a catch up. he's a great friend, I love him dearly but have no romantic feelings for him at all. He tells me all about his date disasters, I tell him about mine and we genuinely have each others back. I'd rather have sex with someone who I connect with in some way and who cares about me, rather than some twat or just uses me to scratch an itch.

FWB can be a brilliant situation BUT you both have to be on the same page. If one starts developing romantic feelings for the other then of course it won't work.

Nice meals out and sex isn't a relationship.

It's a friggin perfect relationship I'm a huge commitment phobe

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack

Please correct me if I'm wrong but you said

To be fair we dated for a few weeks but I quickly realised if I let myself fall for him he would hurt me

To me that proves what I've been saying...women often opt for fwb arrangements as the 'next best thing' to what they actually want. But, like I said, correct me if I'm wrong.

Former

Or women also don’t want relationships

women also don’t want relationships

Some don't, that's true.

But please don't pretend there aren't women who are hoping there fwb turns round one day and confesses his undying love to her and they live happily ever after...or that they are taking the next best situation to what they want because the men will either let them down or not commit fully to them.

Stevie69 definitely get yourself a FwB then 😂 The perfect fit if you don't want committment