LOOK AT THIS BLOODY THING

[QueenNefertitty]

Am sat on floor working on presentation for job interview in bedroom DS and I share and this fucker just sprinted at me from across the room.

Had to down dregs of Malbec and whack the glass over the top of beastie AND DS stray sorting shape.

But what the fuck do I do now?! DS asleep on futon right next to glass, and I can't move the fucking fucker.

This is what exDP was for. Why why why why did he have to be such a twat that we had to break up?!?!?

Seriously though.... eughhgghgdjueiebskla!!!!

Bejesus! That's fucking huge. You slide a card under it, open a window and send it on a flight is what you do..

Slide a bit of card or paper under the glass then chuck it outside. Job done.

Fuck!

Can you just pack what you need and move out forever immediately?

Slide some paper underneath the glass and chuck him outside.

Don't kill it - please don't kill it.

Pmsl at the sorting shape!

As ^^ above. Retrieve the shape tomorrow.

I just... I'm sat here staring at it, surrounded by paper and I'm paralysed.

I blame exDP for this!!!! ExDP and the frigging MET office and their shit spider driving in weather.

We've had 9 of those big ones in the house over the last few days. I use the long attachment on my spider hoover --which is then left in the porch for DH to deal with. I'm not a spider fan.

he ran because he was scared of you - he's a house spider and protects you from bugs. Can you let him go behind a bookcase or similar?

I know it's bad luck to kill a spider... but what about a spider with clogs on.
This bastard had FOOTSTEPS

He's not living in here with my sleepingone year old. He might eat him.

Holy mother of god

Can all the spider lovers GO AWAY

Perhaps it's some sort of national spider day today. Had one in my living room today exactly like that one. Caught it in a McDonald's Disney cup whilst the entire rest of the family stood around screaming. I felt quite proud.

Sorry, OP. Time to get the DC out and burn the house down.

One of those motherfuckers fell on my fucking face and bit me last week so don't be blithering it's all scared and harmless

They get hoovered in my house.

She'll die if you put her outside - I know it's not nice to know but there are so many spiders in your house and she's just happened to show her face. Let her go, she'll disappear into your nooks and crannies and kill any nasties that get in.

If you're gonna put her outside, might as well squash her. House spiders can't survive outside.

I say she because of her size - males are usually smaller!

Card under the glass, put everything outside and run back inside before it follows you...

No point putting it outside. Outdoor spiders don't come in so that will probably be a house spider and will find it's way back. Splat it!

I wish I was nearby op. I'm the spider catcher in our house- I luffs them

The spider will not hurt you, please slide some card underneath gently as pp said.

Please don't hurt it.

All will be fine.

Okay.

Did phase one.

I saw that thing in a Harry Potter movie once, I'm sure of it.
It seems mean to kill it now it's been caught. I would have hoovered it up immediately

Sorry forgot the advice. Swiftly turn glass right way round and run outside saying oh god oh god. That's what I did. My glass was twice the height of yours but am sure you will be fine..

Oh he's gorgeous! Don't kill him! Think of his children!

We've had a number of big ones this weekend. A heavy dose of fly spray to make it drop off the wall (not possible in your case OP) and a heavy shoe as it tries to run away whilst 'under the influence'.

Someone took a massive one out on Friday, and sure enough, it turned up in the kitchen on Friday evening. Taking them out does not work.

Sadly realise now paper too flimsy to remove spider and shape without flopping open and leaving me vulnerable.

Can't leave it there, as need notes back.

I'm a fool.