LOOK AT THIS BLOODY THING

[QueenNefertitty]

Am sat on floor working on presentation for job interview in bedroom DS and I share and this fucker just sprinted at me from across the room.

Had to down dregs of Malbec and whack the glass over the top of beastie AND DS stray sorting shape.

But what the fuck do I do now?! DS asleep on futon right next to glass, and I can't move the fucking fucker.

This is what exDP was for. Why why why why did he have to be such a twat that we had to break up?!?!?

Seriously though.... eughhgghgdjueiebskla!!!!

Paraffin and a match!! After you've got the kids out

Swiftly turn glass right way round and run outside saying oh god oh god.

Howling at this

Fuck it.
I'm just gonna pack up and let him have the house. It's DMs anyway. She deserves it. I've just text her and she's not even woken up to come save me and her DGS.

Disclaimer. I wouldn't splat it. They don't bother me. But for those who are bothered....

Kill it before it lays eggs!

All our caught spiders get put behind the fridge and given a stern talking to about staying out of sight because they give me the heebie jeebies.

Ours is still under a glass on the landing. Kiddo thinks it's a pet.

I refuse to move it. It has big beady eyes.

The big spiders always charge at me and jump on me I've had to train my dogs to hunt them. You need a puppy then you'll be safe in a year 😋

Paper replaced with "wishes for you".

Feels like a choice loaded with irony.

Also- Sorry DS.

@mezzemad Why?

Oh bless it. Just think of all the nasties she'll catch for you if you let her run off. Be kind!

People actually catch spiders and release them IN THE HOUSE? 😳

Now you've got the paper in it'll be easy to slide something stiffer underneath.

Keep going, you can get him outside.

That's a tiny one, you should see the size of the buggars in my house!

I won't kill it. Mainly because I'm afraid I'll lose the fight.

He/she/cisspider is off into the bathroom in her children's book/ wineglass prison until DMs partner is in tomorrow. He can go stick it in the cellar or something.

I'm literally almost pissing myself

We've had some whoppers over the last 3 weeks. There's one that keeps rebuilding his web literally across the entire garden and has almost doubled in size. I'm just waiting for him to stop me when I get home and say he signed for a parcel for me.

I am SO SICK of walking into fucking webs every time I leave the house. I then do the "Gaah! Fuck Fuuuuck!!" dance on the driveway while desperately trying to brush off the bits of web and (possibly not there) giant spiders. Fuckers.

Omg I've had so many close encounters of the house spider kind...

• Took pj bottoms out from under my pillow & one jumped out of the leg as I put them on. IT WAS UNDER MY FUCKING PILLOW.

• Picked up washing pile felt something run over my hand then HEARD THE FUCKER LAND when it fell to the floor.

• Put DS's little dressing gown on him & one of the bastards was running all over him, I was trying to swat it off with a hairbrush.

I am terrified but also fascinated so hats off to you OP!

I did not know that they cannot survive outside though! What did they all do before houses were invented!

There. On holiday in the bathroom. With two doors, a landing and a baby gate between me and her.

And I had a piss.

Thanks all! Stand down!

I would cover the glass with a tea towel (weighed down with bricks round the edges) and wait for it to die. Shudder....

You can do this OP, stiff card, slide it under and hold the glass against it walk to the window and let it go. He may have a headache but he will be free and you can get some sleep. I have to get rid of all the spiders in my house, DH is scared of them too! Good luck.

All spiders in my house get cillit banged to death if DH isn't home. Sorry spider lovers! I have terrible arachnophobia and may have burned the house down if I was you OP. That is a huge one!

Here - for all you spider lovers- proof of life

But surely it will suffocate in the glass. Will you be able to sleep thinking of that