LOOK AT THIS BLOODY THING

[QueenNefertitty]

Am sat on floor working on presentation for job interview in bedroom DS and I share and this fucker just sprinted at me from across the room.

Had to down dregs of Malbec and whack the glass over the top of beastie AND DS stray sorting shape.

But what the fuck do I do now?! DS asleep on futon right next to glass, and I can't move the fucking fucker.

This is what exDP was for. Why why why why did he have to be such a twat that we had to break up?!?!?

Seriously though.... eughhgghgdjueiebskla!!!!

My one had footsteps too QueenNefertitty
Made DH take it a loooong way from the house and not just chuck out the window! Keep getting these huge fuckers coming in.

I'm surprised your post has lasted this long without MNHQ putting am Spider Warning in the title for all the pathetic wusses who can't cope with seeing a picture on a screen.

Have you released him yet?

He's spending the night in the bathroom, in disgrace for giving me a shock. He's got a book (wishes for you) and a nice purple star to play with. DMs partner gets home in the early hours. Will text him a request to stage a release into the wild (cellar) when he gets in.

I'm not doing it, I've just had a baby a year ago

@unhurried

He should meet my chap. They might hit it off ...

It's only a spider. What do you think it's going to do to you? Seriously, what harm can it actually cause? Just let it go about its business. It's not interested in you.

@CornyCollins - "We've had some whoppers over the last 3 weeks. There's one that keeps rebuilding his web literally across the entire garden and has almost doubled in size. I'm just waiting for him to stop me when I get home and say he signed for a parcel for me."

Thanks - that literally made me LOL. I too regularly get mixed up in their webs in the garden and immediately turn into a karate black belt.

This is for you...

I've taken 2 huge spiders out last week (one from the bath and one from the kitchen floor)

I am deeply regretting it because now My House Is Filled With Bloody Great FLIES when I open a window

@rat

Tell that to my friend Libby who got blood poisoning from a house spider bite

Also- baby DS asleep a few feet away. Allowing for difference of scale, to DS that spider is as big as a Yorkshire terrier. No fucking way am i letting a strange dog sleep in his room, so why a dog sized spider?!

That's not that big ! It's spider season girl !

You have done the worst bit

Now deep breath , put some hard paper under the glass and gently throw out of a window

You can do it !

Lob the whole lot out the window!
You can buy another glass.
That thing has tattoos and a fucking door key!

Yes Rathammock, fully aware 'it's only a spider'.
Irrational phobias are exactly that, irrational, size of arachnid is irrelevant. And, yes I know they do good work eating other bugs in the house, but I do not want it near me, ok?

Say what now....they bite??!!

I used to pick them up when I was a kid. Shudder at the thought now

well done OP - you didn't take this path

Ooh oh and the flies dive bomb me.
Spiders don't dive bomb.
They just wipe their willy on your face while you sleep.

True dat

Slowly drag the glass across the floor until you get to the door and let it out. Or wait for it to suffocate.

She has cute hairy legs like mine :)

I think you are very brave! I'd be needing an ax or a flamethrower. Or a quick move to a new house.

Well done

weldone for getting it to the bathroom!

"Wishes for You"

That's actually killed me, thanks OP 😂

Actually, when you see a house spider, it's usually a male as it's horny and looking for a partner... only the females are a lot bigger than the males and will often kill the makes after sex. Just saying.
And yes, house spiders do die if left outside as they need to live in houses for whatever strange reason. Doesn't mean I didn't make my DH throw the one we caught yesterday outside and down the road away from us. He quite happily crawled away ashamed to someone else's house. Their problem now

This reminds me of the time I dried my actual face on this freak of nature.

Sorry you've had to deal with that OP. For those of us who are not spider fans they are really hard to deal with.

The other day I opened our back door, as I did so a mahoosive spider ran out from beside the cupboard next to me, lifted my foot up, ran underneath said foot, put my foot down ran under the door and hid behind a bottle of glass cleaner stood beside another kitchen cupboard. Thankfully it was not long before DH was due to arrive back from work. He then had to immediately sort out said spider. He had to use a pint glass to put over it, and the spider was still bigger than the opening at the top!

The following morning our 10 yr old DS screamed and came running upstairs hyperventilating. A similar sized spider, (or even the same one) had run across the screen of his 3DS as he reached to pick it up! Took him about 10 minutes to calm down.

We have had loads of spiders this year, even more than the bumper crops of the last couple of years.

anyone else feeling crawly and checking the walls and ceiling right now???