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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Nursery

331 replies

sk505 · 29/08/2017 18:36

My daughter is 16months and goes to nursery twice a week.
In our religion, girls' nappies are not changed by boys and girls must be dressed with dignity. nursery are aware of this.
Today, I went to fetch her and she was running around in just a nappy. No clothes at all. This was extremely upsetting as I know male members of staff walk through and around the nursery. I'm not making any personal comments or any judgements, but it is against our religion. It transpires that her clothes were all clean. Her spare clothes were available and she has been well behaved. No one knows why she was without clothes for over an hour.
AIBU to cause a storm over this,?

OP posts:
MrTrebus · 29/08/2017 18:36

Can I ask what religion you are for context?

Mrscropley · 29/08/2017 18:38

You need to make a big storm op. . That's outrageous. .

Mooey89 · 29/08/2017 18:38

YANBU if it is your religion and you have told them what care you expect. If you are paying for it you could demand she is only dressed in green and I'd expect them to honour it!

However, it has been VERY hot here today, and at our nursery they Strip to pants for water play and things during heat waves...
sorry it has upset you

Afreshstartplease · 29/08/2017 18:39

Was she engaging in messy play?

How do you know it had been so long?

TeaBelle · 29/08/2017 18:39

Do you maybe need to be very clear with them what you mean - 'dressed with dignity' is a very vague phrase that will differ wildly between people. I think having a nappy is meeting that but you don't

Sirzy · 29/08/2017 18:39

If you have made the request then you wouldn't be wrong to politely remind them of your preferences.

Ummmmgogo · 29/08/2017 18:42

it might have been because they thought she was hot. or they didn't want to get her clothes dirty.

you will need to give very specific examples of appropriate outfits to nursery because most people would consider a baby in a nappy to be dignified enough and wouldn't realise it would upset the parents xxx

jaseyraex · 29/08/2017 18:43

I think if its the first time this has happenes, I'd make it clear you were unhappy with what you saw and remind them of your wishes and clarify with them what you mean by "dressed with dignity". As being in a nappy is dignified for a baby to me, but clearly not to you.

NancyDonahue · 29/08/2017 18:46

Reminding them of your wishes won't 'cause a storm', op. Childcarers are used to parents requests and nudges if they aren't being met. There may have been a staff change and some miscommunication. Just speak to her keyworker or person in charge and maybe make a note in/on front her home book if your nursery uses one.

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 18:48

I wouldn't want my kids running about in just a nappy if they had clean clothes to wear, I don't think it's unreasonable OP. Especially if it's part of your faith which you've already explained.

Maryann1975 · 29/08/2017 18:49

Can I ask what religion you are, out of interest (and for my own general knowledge-I'm a cm and haven't come across it before). I would have thought the staff thought she was dressed enough as she had a nappy on, but as you feel she should be wearing more than this, I think you should speak to the staff and clarify what the minimum clothing she should be wearing for it to be appropriate. It should be written down (some places do it in poster form somewhere in the room) so if there are new/cover staff in the room everyone is aware (so x is allergic to plasters, y is vegetarian, z no male nappy changers/clothes to be worn at all times).
If it's upset you and it's important to you, definitely speak up though.

EasterRobin · 29/08/2017 18:53

I'd prefer my toddler to be dressed for comfort, so just a nappy/pants if it's really hot would be fine to the majority of parents I'd think. But if you're not happy with this, then you should tell them what you expect in these circumstances. Would a nappy and vest have suited you?

UpYouGo · 29/08/2017 18:55

Well if they agreed to follow these instructions, then yes complain.

Men seeing a baby in a nappy, what a thing to have to worry about.

Allthewaves · 29/08/2017 18:56

If she was getting very hot that's detrimental to her health. I put health before religion.

Perhaps u should consider a childminder.

Allthewaves · 29/08/2017 18:58

Out of curiosity. If child is left with her father while mum was unavaliable - would he be able to change her nappy.

simpaticasimpatica · 29/08/2017 19:00

Your post makes me glad I'm an atheist.

khajiit13 · 29/08/2017 19:01

Let your child be a child please

Pantryboy · 29/08/2017 19:02

It was boiling hot yesterday op it sounds like they were doing it in the best interests of your dc tbh

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 19:03

Is it really necessary to question OPs faith? The point is that she had asked the nursery to adhere to her own faith, and they haven't. Not whether you agree with her religion or not. Hmm (I'm an atheist btw, I just think it's rude to be rude about someone else's beliefs)

PoppyPopcorn · 29/08/2017 19:04

It wasn't boiling everywhere yesterday. It was pissing it down in Scotland.

Yes OP, raise this as an issue. You are the customer and it the nursery's job to conform to reasonable requests and requirements.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 29/08/2017 19:05

Can't her father change her nappy, then? And what happens if a woman has a baby boy?

nannynick · 29/08/2017 19:11

Yes raise it, you may have provided a very thin dress which could have been worn even on a hot day.

Original poster
sk505 · 29/08/2017 19:17

Hi All,
Thankyou.
In answer to some of your questions:
I have defined Her dress code to be the following:
'Should always have her body and upper legs covered.'

Her nursery is air conditioned, so she would not be over heating. In fact, she would have been quite cold at the set temp of 19degC

Khajiit13 : please stick to the issue at hand and keep your opinion on other things to yourself.

OP posts:
simpaticasimpatica · 29/08/2017 19:20

Op you have not answered the question posed to you several times.

What is your religion?

Glumglowworm · 29/08/2017 19:21

Personally I think the idea of modesty for a toddler is ridiculous

But plenty of parents make plenty of equally ridiculous requests to child care providers

Don't go in and kick up a storm, just reiterate that DD must only have her nappy changed by female staff and her body and upper legs must always be covered. And ask why this didn't happen today and how they will ensure that your wishes are followed from now on