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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU - Nursery

331 replies

sk505 · 29/08/2017 18:36

My daughter is 16months and goes to nursery twice a week.
In our religion, girls' nappies are not changed by boys and girls must be dressed with dignity. nursery are aware of this.
Today, I went to fetch her and she was running around in just a nappy. No clothes at all. This was extremely upsetting as I know male members of staff walk through and around the nursery. I'm not making any personal comments or any judgements, but it is against our religion. It transpires that her clothes were all clean. Her spare clothes were available and she has been well behaved. No one knows why she was without clothes for over an hour.
AIBU to cause a storm over this,?

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 20:07

TheLittleShirt well said!

BlueThesaurusRex · 29/08/2017 20:08

@TheLittleShirt

I think it's important to question matters like this rather than just to follow blindly!!

And I'm nosey Grin

CoteDAzur · 29/08/2017 20:09

YABU and utterly ridiculous, too.

What on Earth is this religion? It's certainly not Islam, and I say this as someone who has grown up in a Muslim country with many Muslim relatives.

lostfrequencies · 29/08/2017 20:10

This post makes me so sad.

LucieLucie · 29/08/2017 20:11

Barbie yes I agree, nurseries aren't allowed to discriminate between sex of staff but there are some nurseries who don't actually have any male staff on the books. Some will have more than others.

If males seeing her semi naked baby is a concern for Op then I'm perplexed as to why she's put her in a nursery tbh, let alone one who employs male staff. A female nanny or childminder would be my logical thought.

blackteasplease · 29/08/2017 20:12

The posts saying this is an unfair thing to impose on a child are as far from white supremacist as it's possible to be. Literally the furthest end of the spectrum from intolerance, hate and discrimination.

mscongeniality · 29/08/2017 20:12

OP I believe you are muslim, and as a fellow muslim I have to tell you, you are being utterly ridiculous about her modesty. She's a tiny baby. To everyone reading, for what its worth, for practicing muslims, modesty only comes into play after a girl gets her period. There are some people who take it to extreme measures because they don't actually understand their own religion.

mscongeniality · 29/08/2017 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mowgeli · 29/08/2017 20:13

What religion are you and are you asking your baby daughter to practise then? This is totally relevant to your query.

I do not think it is inappropriate for a baby to scamper around at nursery.

If you have issues with her clothes then stay at home and do it yourself.

Miserylovescompany2 · 29/08/2017 20:13

Toddlers are quite able to remove their own clothing - maybe the female members were busy being busy and only a male member of staff was available - so abiding by your wishes said child was not immediately redressed...

Might the above scenario of happened?

stella23 · 29/08/2017 20:13

*No male nappy changers

Super illegal. You can't stop a male employee changing a nappy. They have the right to carry out their job role as per female employees.*

This in bucket loads, why does your religion get to be sexist and supersede someone right to equality in the work place.
It's 2017!get with the times

CoteDAzur · 29/08/2017 20:14

"for practicing muslims, modesty only comes into play after a girl gets her period. There are some people who take it to extreme measures because they don't actually understand their own religion."

^ This.

Knottyash5 · 29/08/2017 20:14

If child is left with her father while mum was unavailable - would he be able to change her nappy

If not, what a handy rule to have to absolve the males of any childrearing responsibility. Presumably the rule doesn't apply the other way round - ie mums can't change boys' nappies if dad isn't there?

And no, it's definitely not Islam.

NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 20:14

Thank you, black

Original poster
sk505 · 29/08/2017 20:15

Firstly, with the respect to you all and your beliefs, I am not Muslim.

Secondly, when I asked, no one had any answers. They just said they saw her clothes on the changing table and don't know why.

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 20:15

Really? So blindly sneering at and demeaning someone for their faith is the opposite of hate, discrimination and intolerance? Bullshit. It's the definition of it.
Why not allow someone to practice their faith? What does it have to do with you? It's not hurting you, it's not hurting the child. Because it's not in line with your way of thinking, you attack it. That has a hell of a lot in common with white supremacy.

Barbie222 · 29/08/2017 20:15

mscongeniality I married into a Muslim family and have never heard of modesty being applicable to young girls either.

It matters not a jot what religion OP is, but I am glad you spoke up about Islam because I do think Muslims have an uphill battle to fight any time anything like this comes along.

UpYouGo · 29/08/2017 20:16

TheLittleShirt and notreally you are both happy to go along with the OP discriminating against male employees and objectifying her 16mo baby because she claims to be doing it in the name of some mysterious religion?

Why? Confused

mowgeli · 29/08/2017 20:17

Yup, what knotty said.

This is a really bizarre and picky question. You already knew you were being unreasonable.

And I am pretty sure this isn't Islam. This is actually someone's own unusual set of morals and ethics

dairymilkmonster · 29/08/2017 20:17

Our nursery had all the toddlers in just nappies inside yesterday afternoon. It was 28C on the thermometer in the nursery reception - ds1 looked! II personally have no problem with this for hot weather or messy play. However, the nursery should respect your wishes. I would be much more specific than 'dressed with dignity' - let them know the minimum clothing that is allowed.

ds2 - 26mo - was wearing a nappy and a 'coat' of red paint held on with sand.....

NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 20:17

notreally

I won't tolerate misogyny under any guise.

NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 20:17

And it was boiling in London today.

namechangedtoday15 · 29/08/2017 20:17

OP did the nursery set out, at the outset, that they'd be able to fulfil your requirements? Did you specifically set out that (a) she must be clothed at all times and (b) no male staff member should ever change her nappy?

I think if nursery said Yes, they'd accommodate your wishes and they haven't today (you haven't really said what explanation they gave) you could have a quiet word reminding them. But this is the first instance and presumably your CD is happy there and you've been happy with the care. So to answer your original post, Yes, YABU to create a mountain out of a molehill. Just have a quiet word.

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 20:19

Have you ever requested a female to do your smear? Or breast exam? Because you're discriminating against males in the job if you have Hmm
I've already said, OPs choices aren't the ones I'd make for my children, but it's not MY children we're talking about.
Why do you think it's ok to demean a mother's decision for their child as long as it is not harmful to the child? What right to you have to impose your beliefs on her child? And where exactly has she objectified her child? She's stated it complies with her faith that the child's body and upper legs are covered. It's hardly head to toe is it?

aureliaboredom · 29/08/2017 20:19

It matters not a jot what religion OP is, but I am glad you spoke up about Islam because I do think Muslims have an uphill battle to fight any time anything like this comes along.

Hear, hear.

Regardless of what anyone else thinks, the OP is entitled to have preferences as to how her child is clothed (subject to it being well looked after etc). Not entitled to ask a workplace to discriminate by only having female staff look after the child.

It is one day, it is not the end of the world. Move on...?