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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Nursery

331 replies

sk505 · 29/08/2017 18:36

My daughter is 16months and goes to nursery twice a week.
In our religion, girls' nappies are not changed by boys and girls must be dressed with dignity. nursery are aware of this.
Today, I went to fetch her and she was running around in just a nappy. No clothes at all. This was extremely upsetting as I know male members of staff walk through and around the nursery. I'm not making any personal comments or any judgements, but it is against our religion. It transpires that her clothes were all clean. Her spare clothes were available and she has been well behaved. No one knows why she was without clothes for over an hour.
AIBU to cause a storm over this,?

OP posts:

Glumglowworm · 29/08/2017 19:22

and I too wonder if the same rules would apply to a baby boy... only men can change boys nappies and enforced modesty... somehow I'm guessing not

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 19:23

OP has answered what she requested of the nursery, which wouldn't put the child at risk in the heat and which they didn't comply with.
Whether you agree with her faith or not is irrelevant.

Whosthemummynow · 29/08/2017 19:24

What religion doesn't let males change a nappy??

How on earth would a widowed father cope

NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 19:26

She's a baby. You're being utterly ridiculous. Fuck. Don't even know where to start with this.

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 19:26

It could be males unrelated to the child that OP means (I'm only speculating). For example a Muslim woman wouldn't cover her hair in front of her husband/sons/father/brothers.

Brittbugs80 · 29/08/2017 19:27

No male nappy changers

Super illegal. You can't stop a male employee changing a nappy. They have the right to carry out their job role as per female employees.

My old colleague successfully sued his former employer who stopped him changing nappies because a parent complained that she only wanted her child changed by a female.

thatorchidmoment · 29/08/2017 19:33

I think 'causing a storm' over a single episode of allowing a toddler to run around in a nappy is excessive, even if it has upset you. As the staff at the nursery have obviously not realised exactly what your standards of 'dressing with dignity' are for a toddling girl, I think you should simply let them know what it is you are after. It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that, and getting angry or complaining will not achieve anything further.

I'm also curious as to whether a father is permitted to change nappies, or is this considered immodest?

UpYouGo · 29/08/2017 19:34

I too was wondering how a nursery agreed to discriminate against their own staff in this way.

Also it's not 'rude' to question something you think is unreasonable. Any parent posting 'aibu not to want male nursery workers changing DD and seeing her uncovered arms and legs' would get ripped to shreds.

Just because someone claims to be doing/ requesting something in the name of whatever religion, doesn't mean no one is allowed to pass comment. That's a slippery slope.

I personally don't care what the religion is, or think it's relevant.

Ummmmgogo · 29/08/2017 19:39

I think we are all agreed that ops religion is ridiculous. BUT THAT ISN'T WHAT SHE ASKED!

The nursery had 2 options. Saying no at the start and refusing her money, or taking care of the child and following her mum's wishes.

it's not right that they can say they will do something and then just not do it! where will that end????

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 19:41

Nope, not calling anyone's beliefs ridiculous here. Whether I'd adhere to them personally is a different matter, no I wouldn't. But that doesn't mean I think they're ridiculous.

Ummmmgogo · 29/08/2017 19:44

sorry notreally I was trying to stop any more criticism of her beliefs and direct people back to the original question not put words in your mouth xx

Fruitcocktail6 · 29/08/2017 19:44

I can understand why nursery workers would find it hard to take this rule seriously. I work with preschoolers and couldn't personally enforce a rule that basically suggests a babies body is shameful and should be covered, or that insinuated things about male employees. 'Dignity' my arse. Babies don't need dignity.

Fwiw I work with all kinds of religions and cultures and have never heard of this.

LucieLucie · 29/08/2017 19:45

Was your child the only one undressed?

NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 19:45

People's beliefs aren't and should not be immune to criticism, especially when they are misogynist and forced on young children.

Fruitcocktail6 · 29/08/2017 19:45

Fwiw I work with all kinds of religions and cultures and have never heard of this.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 29/08/2017 19:49

Isn't it illegal to stop male nursery workers changing girls' nappies?

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 19:49

Ummmmgogo sorry I probably bit at the wrong person there. I just find it so rude when people start being offensive about someone else's beliefs/faith. It's incredibly arrogant and intolerant.

BackieJerkhart · 29/08/2017 19:51

My DS went through a lovely phase of stripping all his clothes off when he was a toddler. One day I arrived at nursery and he was in just a nappy. They told me they had been redressing him all day and he had literally done it before I arrived. I believed them, he did it at home too and then would try and run outside naked!!

BackieJerkhart · 29/08/2017 19:52

Sorry, should add, maybe your DD is doing the same as my DS did.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/08/2017 19:52

Yes I think its sad, that a baby has to be 'modest', they are a baby, and not sexual. I don't know what you do about the nursery, keep reiterating to them that you want her to wear shorts over her nappy and a top. If you are unhappy, look for another nursery, mabey one that shares your religious ideals.

NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 19:54

I just find it so rude when people start being offensive about someone else's beliefs/faith.

What piffle.

White supremacy is a belief system, is that also immune from criticism?

Barbie222 · 29/08/2017 19:55

I wonder whether they will be able to honour your request for her not to be changed by male staff without discriminating against their staff. Yanbu to ask for her to be covered but how would you ensure she is kept cool outside / without air con? They can then do what you would do to ensure her health is not put at risk by overheating. When my kids had temperatures at nursery they were always stripped, as I'm sure you're aware of the dangers of children overheating - as someone who had many febrile convulsions in childhood, I'm super aware of this.

simpaticasimpatica · 29/08/2017 19:55

Honestly I think you should leave the nursery on the grounds that they cannot discriminate against their own staff members and you also sound like you're more hassle than you're worth.

apologies if that sounds harsh but I think your demands put employees in a sticky situation

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 19:56

Oh here we go mind you, some of the comments on here are about as tolerant as those fuckers. But that's ok because you're online and not marching.
White supremacists are dicks, people with a faith which does no harm and ask that their faith is respected aren't. People who come online and demean someone who thinks differently to them are arrogant.

Original poster

sk505 · 29/08/2017 19:56

my daughter was the only one in her nappy. All other kids were dressed up. I know it was an hour as they told me.

To those of you being judgemental, ignorant and intolerant.....just reminding you that it's 2017. Get a grip.

OP posts:

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