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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Nursery

331 replies

sk505 · 29/08/2017 18:36

My daughter is 16months and goes to nursery twice a week.
In our religion, girls' nappies are not changed by boys and girls must be dressed with dignity. nursery are aware of this.
Today, I went to fetch her and she was running around in just a nappy. No clothes at all. This was extremely upsetting as I know male members of staff walk through and around the nursery. I'm not making any personal comments or any judgements, but it is against our religion. It transpires that her clothes were all clean. Her spare clothes were available and she has been well behaved. No one knows why she was without clothes for over an hour.
AIBU to cause a storm over this,?

OP posts:
NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 19:57

just reminding you that it's 2017. Get a grip.

Yes it is. So why are we still allowing the outdated notion of girls (nay, BABIES) having to be "modest"?

Original poster
sk505 · 29/08/2017 19:57

As mentioned on here, dads are allowed.

OP posts:
BlueThesaurusRex · 29/08/2017 19:57

I genuinely interested in what religion this is... if OP won't answer then it's off to Auntie Google!!

Ttbb · 29/08/2017 19:57

It has been very hot-what other clothes were available? Maybe they were more concerned about her health and wellbeing than her 'dignity'. Fundamentally she is a child, not a possession, your religion doesn't dictate the way that she is dressed.

Original poster
sk505 · 29/08/2017 19:58

It's not just girls.

OP posts:
NotIdiotProof · 29/08/2017 19:58

notreally

Do you seriously think that a belief that a 16 month old baby needs to be covered up to maintain her modesty does no harm? I'd say it does a great deal of harm.

aureliaboredom · 29/08/2017 19:58

For people saying that dignity doesn't come into it with small children etc, how do you expect them to learn rules and codes of behaviour? Little boys will play with their bits at a certain stage. Unless you want them to continue doing it when older, you gently indicate that they not do that in public.

This is just an extension of that.

I'm also intrigued as to what religion the OP is (only because I'm hoping it's not Muslim because muslims seem to get enough bashing and I sense that that is what people expect it to be) but it's not actually relevant to the answer/advice sought and people shouldn't be pressing for it.

To the OP - I don't see that there is much to be done except repeating to the nursery that you would prefer if your daughter were always dressed and you do not intend to bring her up to be comfortable wondering around naked. To me it seems a bit harsh for a baby, but it's not my baby and you are entitled to have your wishes respected (subject to equality legislation etc previously mentioned).

If it continues to be an issue, then question whether the nursery is right for you.

BackieJerkhart · 29/08/2017 20:00

The fact that it was just your daughter suggests it was for a specific reason or that your daughter did it herself. What reason did the nursery give for it when you asked?

LexieLulu · 29/08/2017 20:01

I would not be happy OP, if you are paying people to care for your child they should do it in the way you request.

Did you complain?

Fucky · 29/08/2017 20:02

Wow. Sorry op I know you feel that you are doing your best for your daughter but realistically as other posters have said how do you get to dictate male/female nursery practitioners? It's not feasible.

blackteasplease · 29/08/2017 20:02

I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear this, but your post makes me so sad.

She is a baby. No way should anything but her comfort be considered in dressing her. And yes I extend that to lots of the over dressy clothes you see on little girls whose parents may be of no religion.

Modesty is not a concept that should extend to a child or dignity in the sense you use it.

I'd love to see the religious text that supports this if there is one.

Fruitcocktail6 · 29/08/2017 20:02

just reminding you that it's 2017.

That's a little bit ironic considering the nature of your post.

glow1984 · 29/08/2017 20:02

I really want to know what religion this is too. I’ve worked and lived with Sikhs, Muslims, Christians, Buddhists, and a Wiccan, and have never heard of this. It’s not exactly something that would be in the bible

“Thou shall not allow a man to change a girls diaper”

Lol

Sorry, I had to laugh.

Calmanglass · 29/08/2017 20:02

what shitty awful religion is it that doesn't allow a father to change his daughter's nappy? Or stifles their natural desire to run around and be free? There's no shame in a female body fgs.

LucieLucie · 29/08/2017 20:02

If those are your views op, why have you chosen to place your daughter in a nursery who employ male staff?

Staff ratios in nurseries are tight so I'm not sure your requests are very realistic in practice.

Have you asked the manager for an explanation why she was the only child undressed?

Notreallyarsed · 29/08/2017 20:03

NotIdiotProof you talk about white supremacists, but what is their main problem? Intolerance of other people. That causes far more harm than gently asking for your child to be covered up. Intolerance is far more of a problem worldwide. On any level.

Willow2017 · 29/08/2017 20:04

How do you know she was only in a nappy for a whole hour?

She is a baby for goodness sake what has modesty got to do with it?

What if there were only male staff on duty due to illness would you expect your baby to go all day without a nappy change? Does her dad change her nappy?

Sorry just struggling with the whole idea of a baby being modest. What if she stripped off her own clothes just before you arrived? Kids do that regularly, staff can't always be there in seconds to redress them immediately especially just before pick up time with all the other kids getting ready to leave.

Think you just need to ask what happened. Don't go in all guns blazing.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 29/08/2017 20:04

If you want to dictate no male-nursery workers allowed to change your DD (what if all the female workers were busy/off sick/on a course - would you rather DD sat in a soiled nappy all day?), then I suggest you book private childcare - either a female childminder, or get a nanny, or look after her yourself.

You can't dictate rules that discriminate against nursery workers just because your religion says so.

OnionKnight · 29/08/2017 20:04

ust reminding you that it's 2017. Get a grip.

My irony meter just exploded.

Barbie222 · 29/08/2017 20:05

I'm not sure there are any nurseries which are allowed to employ only female staff Lucie?
It isn't one of the occupations listed as exempt from the equality act afaik

Ummmmgogo · 29/08/2017 20:05

she can't be Muslim, making babies dress with dignity isn't in the Qur'an lol! or any of the other mainstream religions actually!

TheLittleShirt · 29/08/2017 20:06

Why should the OP disclose her religion on here? If that is what her religion states who are we to question her?

Barbie222 · 29/08/2017 20:07

I think you may have to look into having a nanny or au pair OP.

bostonkremekrazy · 29/08/2017 20:07

Where do you lot all live?
Wasn't hot where I live....all my kids were dressed on top of their nappies today. Vest and dress for baby, vest, legging and t-shirt for toddler, leggings and t-shirt for pre-schooler....so not hot by any means Confused

OP if your wishes aren't being followed i'd just politely remind them of your wishes, baby must be covered with vest and leggings (or similar to cover body and legs) at all times.

Hopefully it was just an oversight on one of the workers part....

Sirzy · 29/08/2017 20:07

Well the lack of openness does make me question if this is more an effort to encourage religion bashing than anything.

It's a pretty key factor in the whole thing really!