Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To not go to my sister's wedding

228 replies

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 15/08/2017 10:53

I don't like weddings anyway. I'm increasingly getting the feeling that my sister doesn't actually like me from her constant nagging about how I should change.

AIBU to say fuck it and do something more fun like watch paint dry?

OP posts:

dollydaydream114 · 15/08/2017 10:56

Nowhere near enough information here.

ChasedByBees · 15/08/2017 10:57

It will probably cause a rift - it seems like your main reason is that you don't like he, so that will be obvious and overt rather than just 'not said'. Depends how much family drama you want to cause really.

araiwa · 15/08/2017 10:57

From all the info you have posted yanbu

PollyFlint · 15/08/2017 11:01

At the moment, you just sound somewhat bitter and unreasonable, but I suspect we're going to get a massive drip feed now where we we all say you're being unreasonable and then you announce that she deliberately ran over your dog and ate it or something.

Personally, unless there was a huge, toxic family rift and I was planning on cutting off contact with siblings and parents forever, I would go to my sister's wedding. Low level sibling rivalry and 'not liking weddings' is a petty reason not to attend a family occasion of this magnitude. If there are bigger reasons you need to say what they are, clearly.

KimmySchmidt1 · 15/08/2017 11:01

It is an incredibly sh1tty thing to do to miss your own sister's big day so i suggest you only don't go if you want to cause a large amount of pain and lose your relationship with her. Do you want to punish her for nagging you? All families nag. I nag my husband, he nags me - doesn't mean we hate each other does it?

BannedFromNarnia · 15/08/2017 11:02

Not going will only lead to more butthurt and drama. Stick a nice dress on, smile, find something to enjoy about the day.

LagunaBubbles · 15/08/2017 11:04

3 sentences doesnt really provide enough information to the answer to your question Im afraid,

MrsG841 · 15/08/2017 11:04

You don't like weddings....so what! Its your sister's big day. Suck it up and get on with it. Its only 1 day fgs

Shadow666 · 15/08/2017 11:05

Definitely need more info.

AmIAWeed · 15/08/2017 11:06

I went to my sisters wedding under duress, we are now NC but not because of the wedding, it was a catalyst though due to her treatment of me there.
I wouldn't say I regret going, but I do regret the money I was forced to spend as it was a destination wedding, for me my attendance was an attempt at reconciling. I'd have actually saved a lot of heartache had I not gone and been NC earlier but I do know family wouldn't have supported my decision then, they rather grudgingly do now.
You need to ask yourself if you risk just losing your sister and is it really worth it?

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 11:08

We need more information OP.

How does she nag you?
Are you close?
Are you a bridesmaid?

Unless there is a massive backstory you would be a bit shit not to attend your own sisters wedding.

grannytomine · 15/08/2017 11:14

I didn't go to my brother's for a variety of reasons. Didn't seem to bother him but his ex got rather upset. As far as I was concerned she had always been rotten to me, arranged things that she knew would upset me so I can live with that, anyway the marriage didn't last so her upset isn't relevant now.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2017 11:28

Well it's hard to say.

You don't like weddings anyway - not a good enough reason to miss your sister's wedding, not even to watch paint dry.

She's nagging you to change - in what way? to dress in something appropriate for a wedding as opposed to torn binliners? Or is it more fundamental? Or does she just not like you as a person?

A bit more context would give you better answers, I feel.

Original poster

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 15/08/2017 11:30

I do like her. I phrased my OP badly. I think she's nagging me to change because of the wedding. I don't think she wants me there. I think she wants a less awkward version of me there and thinks that if I got a new job and took up running and got my hair styled and and and... I'd come across as more normal.

Fuck no, I'm not a bridesmaid and I'm definitely not breaking the habit of a lifetime and wearing a dress unless my dad and brother are also banned from wearing trousers.

OP posts:

Original poster

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 15/08/2017 11:33

Maybe I should make an outfit out of bin liners. She might outright ban me from attending then.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2017 11:35

So she wants you to fit into what she sees as a socially acceptable norm then, is that right? Rather than being who you actually are?

That sucks.

Slimthistime · 15/08/2017 11:36

Oh dear
If she's telling you to look a certain way for the wedding she can fuck right off! Is she dropping hints?

sororitynoise · 15/08/2017 11:37

Im NC with my siblings for various reasons but you just sound petty and childish. No wonder she doesn't like you much.

Jaxhog · 15/08/2017 11:38

For goodness sake, she's your sister! Take the chip off your shoulder, dress nicely (it doesn't have to be a dress) and go show some family support.

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 11:41

If you don't mind me asking as now I'm completely intrigued!

What is your usual style? What about it does your sister not approve of? What would you wear to the wedding?

PollyFlint · 15/08/2017 11:47

Just go to the wedding and wear whatever you would normally wear for a wedding that would be respectful of the dress code - ie, wearing smart trousers is obviously fine but it would be rude to turn up in a pair of old trackie bottoms.

A lot of what you're saying sounds like your perception of what your sister thinks of you rather than what she actually thinks of you.

You sound really proud of not being 'normal' and if you're happy with yourself, that's great. However, there is a difference between being yourself and being deliberately difficult to make a point, which is all just a bit teenage and stroppy. There's also a difference between proud of being different and sneering at people who aren't, so be careful you don't cross that line. If was your sister and I was getting married and you kept sneering about how you hate weddings and they're boring and dresses are stupid, I might pretty hurt that you didn't have any respect for my choices. I'm not a big fan of weddings myself, but I don't sneer and whinge about other people's because it's their choice and a perfectly valid one.

PollyFlint · 15/08/2017 11:48

Maybe I should make an outfit out of bin liners. She might outright ban me from attending then

You sound like you're about 13. Are you?

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 15/08/2017 11:48

Sorry but YABU. Sometimes you suck it up for the sake of family. That said, she sounds like a judgemental cow. Go but wear what you want.

Original poster

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 15/08/2017 11:50

My style is fine. It's less that she actually wants me to change. More that she (correctly) thinks that I'm shit socially and if I did normal things like making an effort beyond getting out my job interview clothes (also good for funerals), I'd talk more and connect with people better. She's not nasty or anything. Just irritating.

OP posts:

PoorYorick · 15/08/2017 11:52

Would you wear smart trousers?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10