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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go to my sister's wedding

228 replies

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 15/08/2017 10:53

I don't like weddings anyway. I'm increasingly getting the feeling that my sister doesn't actually like me from her constant nagging about how I should change.

AIBU to say fuck it and do something more fun like watch paint dry?

OP posts:

Minkyfluffster · 15/08/2017 11:54

I would go to the wedding in something smart, that you are comfortable in. Just drop discussion abut what you are going to wear and deflect with eager questions about her wedding plans?

What is her issue with your job?

saoirse31 · 15/08/2017 11:55

She sounds massively irritating. I know a mother like that who frequently tells her daughters to make sure they look nice, when going somewhere with her. Daughters in 40s and 50s. Like ur sister, its all about her, and her insecurities and prob because of them, her belief that you have to act in a particular way to be acceptable and therefore make her look good.

I wouldn't not go, go and be yourself. After wedding I'd have talk with her tho.

dollydaydream114 · 15/08/2017 11:56

YABU and a bit childish. You are sisters who annoy each other somewhat, that's all. Join the club, there are billions of us. But we don't all act up over attending a bloody wedding on one day of our lives.

It's her big day. Why would you want to cause such a drama? Just wear something smart (doesn't have to be a dress) turn up and be nice. Fine to be yourself; not fine to deliberately behave in a contrary way to make a point.

VladmirsPoutine · 15/08/2017 11:56

Tbh you both sound like you haven't outgrown the typical childhood dynamic of sibling squabbling.

As is often said on wedding threads: it's an invite not a summons.

If I were you I'd go - you say yourself that she's not nasty. If you don't go then chances are she'd lord this over you for years to come and if you did go and went 'as yourself' then she'd probably take issue with that too.

I'd advise you both to grab hold of a grip. Perhaps buy a job lot from eBay so you both have enough.

dollydaydream114 · 15/08/2017 12:00

She's not nasty or anything. Just irritating.

Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. Finding a sibling 'just irritating' isn't a reason to boycott their wedding FFS. Everyone finds their siblings irritating.

Grow up. You really sound like you want to ruin her day.

PoorYorick · 15/08/2017 12:01

Well to be fair, sister's wedding IS about her. I don't think it's unfair to have a dress code or to ask OP to wear something smart.

I really need to hear the sister 's side of things...this isn't going to be straightforward. But snubbing a wedding is a Very Big Deal, so if you must, just make sure you really do have good reasons for it. Sister being a bit irritating about your outfit doesn't qualify.

formerbabe · 15/08/2017 12:05

More that she (correctly) thinks that I'm shit socially

Can you expand on this op?

BusterGonad · 15/08/2017 12:10

My sister didn't go to mine, I went to hers, as a bridesmaid, lost weight to fit the dress I liked as she wanted me in a hideous mink coloured dress, did all she asked of me but she couldn't be fucked to go to mine, apparently the car was in the garage, of course she couldn't hire one for the day, way too much effort. We are kind of still friends but her lack of interest in my family is a bit shit.
If you want your sister to feel let down and unimportant then don't go Op.

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 12:11

In what ways are you socially awkward?

I would go. It's your sisters big day and she'll be upset if you're not there.

Neutrogena · 15/08/2017 12:12

The fact you have to ask on the internet as opposed to to actually talk to her suggests you're not good at speaking to people in real life.

RhubardGin · 15/08/2017 12:13

BusterGonad

Your sister didn't go to your wedding because her car was in the garage?!

Notreallyarsed · 15/08/2017 12:13

I wouldn't go if my brother got married again. Mostly because he's a prick. But also because I'm extremely socially awkward, can't do dresses/dressing up, and hate crowds.

HungerOfThePine · 15/08/2017 12:19

I would go op, Just don't engage if she is nit picking at you. You don't fit your sisters ideals and that's her problem, you can make an effort in your own way if you like.

I went to my sister's wedding and even for all the negatives things that surrounded it, it didn't occur to me not to go.

Seems a bit childish, better to take the high road.

Original poster

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 15/08/2017 12:22

It's not about clothes. I know how to dress for a wedding. I have smart trousers and ties and a blazer and everything. She just thinks that if I did normal stuff like buying a new outfit and getting my hair done for my sister's wedding, I'd develop a sudden talent for socialising. She also wants me to go on a city break and go running with her. Conversation starters apparently. Not sure what I can expand on. I don't talk much and as this thread shows, I'm not great at explaining myself when I do

I'm not convinced she'd care that much if I wasn't there. Mum's interested enough in weddings for all of us and she's got cousins and school mates and uni mates and work mates and... It's a big wedding.

OP posts:

PoorYorick · 15/08/2017 12:28

Well it's not your place to decide how she feels. She's invited you, you're her sister, you go unless she really has done something utterly unforgivable, which it doesn't sound like she has.

If you don't want to make the day all about you, if you want it to all just go as smoothly and easily and enjoyably as possible for the bride and groom, then just wear a smart outfit, plaster on a smile and be bored for a few hours. You'll be lucky if this is the worst thing you ever have to endure.

To be honest, it sounds as though she wants to have bonding experiences with you. Maybe there is a huge drip feed coming but at the moment you don't sound alternative and introverted, you just sound kind of...horrible.

CarolinePenvenen · 15/08/2017 12:29

She wants you to be more feminine, is that it? Sod that for a laugh. I’d get her to clarify if she wants you there, or her version of you. And if it’s the latter then stay home and watch Corrie.

CardinalCat · 15/08/2017 12:31

It sounds like she is maybe ham-fistedly trying to bring you out of your shell/ more in line with her own interests. Could it not be a misguided attempt on her part to bond with you?

You really need to talk to her to say that you're quite happy with your own style, you're not interested in running and getting your hair done but that it was nice of her to think of you.

SweetLuck · 15/08/2017 12:35

She also wants me to go on a city break and go running with her what a bitch

When you say you would wear your interview clothes, which are also good for funerals, are they black?

BusterGonad · 15/08/2017 12:36

Yes Rhubarb. It's really a special kind of person who comes up with that excuse! Apparently the train would've cost too much for her and her 4 kids, she wouldn't leave them with her husband at home, and I guess hiring a car was just too easy! I can't really forgive her for it, it's a bit embarrassing when 1 out of 3 siblings bothers to come to your wedding!

MorrisZapp · 15/08/2017 12:36

She wants you to go on city breaks with her, and running? What a cow!

Look, weddings are annoying, sisters are annoying, that's life. Wear your smart gear and nod and smile, for one bloody day.

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 12:40

You sound ridiculous.

Sounds like she is trying, in her way, to help you.

Miserylovescompany2 · 15/08/2017 12:44

Just go and be yourself - wear your smart clothes - interact at your level - the bigger a deal you make out of this - the harder it will be on the day as you would have wound yourself up prior to the day even starting...

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2017 12:46

I agree, just go and be yourself. Dress appropriately but it doesn't have to be a flouncy dress. It's your sister's wedding and if you don't go it'll seriously damage your relationship.

Original poster

ZerbaPadnaTigre · 15/08/2017 12:56

She's not a bitch but she was there when our parents insisted on taking me on holiday against my wishes. It's no secret that I don't like being away from home so I'm not ever going to go on a city break however many times she asks.

I'm not sure that it wouldn't be a relief to her if I didn't go. I haven't met most of the guests. I don't want her stressing that I'm embarrassing her. Of course, she can't say 'actually, I'd be ok if you stayed at home'.

OP posts:

greendale17 · 15/08/2017 12:56

You obviously don't want to go- for social reasons too? I would just suck it up and go

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