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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what has gone wrong in the UK

551 replies

Mumof56 · 10/08/2017 01:29

I'm talking about the latest sex grooming case in Newcastle. It's the seventh large scale sex gang scandal to hit the UK after cases from towns including Rotherham, Rochdale, Oxford and Bristol

I have seen nothing on mumsnet about this (although maybe I've missed it). This is shocking and outrageous. How has this been allowed to happen in so many areas? What is the solution?

This is "rape culture". Where are the (peaceful) protests and the show of support for these girls?

OP posts:
oldlaundbooth · 10/08/2017 01:30

Is there a link?

OP posts:
Passthespanner · 10/08/2017 01:33

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-40879427

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/08/2017 01:34

www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-40879427 Clicky link.

Fuck knows. I honestly think this shit has been going on to vulnerable children since time immemorial and we are just hearing about it. The children that went to Australia, the Catholic Church, the Rochdale abuse, Jimmy Saville, the allegations against high-ranking politicians...

Orphans, looked after children and poor children all over the globe; this is their life.

Oswin · 10/08/2017 01:35

Why have you put "rape culture"?

I've talking, well shouting, about this shit for years. People didn't care. Once it was a gang of Asian men outed then suddenly uproar. Yet when you try Talk about the thousands of girls being abused by men right now you are ignored, called a feminazi.

cowgirlsareforever · 10/08/2017 01:36

It's utterly scandalous what those victims went through. We can only hope that it can't be allowed to happen again.

Original poster
Mumof56 · 10/08/2017 01:39

@Owsin

your biggest concern is why I used quotation marks? Confused

OP posts:
OfficerVanHalen · 10/08/2017 01:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 01:43

Probably because a lot of people go all NAMALT when you do try and talk about it, or they change the situation round to make women look like they're just as bad as men, when they're not. Some people don't like it when we talk about male violence, thus women are silenced, made out to be man-haters and it get ignored. Not just on MN but IRL too, including with the likes of professionals who safeguard.

Then there's the people who see victims as nothing more than slags who had it coming. Or "innocent until proven guilty loads of women lie about rape you know". Victim blaming is part of rape culture.

I also find it irritating as fuck that people whinge NAMALT until it's Asian men then they foaming at the mouth with rage.

It's despicable and it's certainly not uncommon but every conviction is a victory and I'm pleased girls are being taken seriously.

Where do you propose we protest OP, and to who?

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/08/2017 01:46

I also find it irritating as fuck that people whinge NAMALT until it's Asian men then they foaming at the mouth with rage. Me too. When you go to Thailand (I won't visit any more) you would swear it was all white men preying on little Asian children. It's just child abusing men preying on children, wherever they can get away with it.

Original poster
Mumof56 · 10/08/2017 01:46

@Cherry Where do you propose we protest OP, and to who?

House of parliament
Outside the court's
London bridge
Anywhere you like

OP posts:
Oswin · 10/08/2017 01:47

It looks like you are saying it's not a thing. Are you?

How on earth does asking that, while going on to post more, make it my biggest concern ffs.

Officer is spot on, we need to ask what is wrong with men.
Violence against women and girls is a fucking epidemic in this country alone.

oldlaundbooth · 10/08/2017 01:47

Thanks for the links.

Well, these men are preying on young, impressionable girls who probably don't have an incredible amount of self esteem and a supportive family behind them.

Old stories really.

It's good that these men are being convicted though.

HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit · 10/08/2017 01:48

The UK has always been this way. Nothing has gone wrong it's just we are more aware.

It happened in the 50s and 60s when professional men would use children's care homes for unspeakable things.

We have a culture of teenage girls being victimised and then not believed.

oldlaundbooth · 10/08/2017 01:49

NAMALT?

elfinpre · 10/08/2017 01:49

The question isn't so much 'what is wrong with the uk' but 'what is wrong with men'

Quite! Not all men of course, but a significant enough minority.

Oswin · 10/08/2017 01:50

Yy the type who when it's a white man grooming and abusing a teen girl, it's all there's two sides, she knew what she was doing, blah blah blah. Asian man and suddenly its hang them.

Men get away with this shit because society let's them.

BlindYeo · 10/08/2017 01:53

YANBU for asking what has gone wrong. One of the things that has gone wrong is that the police and other authorities have been too scared of being called racist to do anything about organised abusers from certain cultures until recently. At least we are seeing some convictions now but I dread to think how many more cities it's still happening in. I hope the convictions start sending a message to similar abusers that they are not untouchable anymore and they will be prosecuted to the full extent of UK law.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 01:55

Thing is with protests is they work best when trying to stop something in its tracks or raising awareness within the media (so if it's an issue that hasn't really been covered in the press). I think better affirmative action would be to think about how lawmakers can be lobbied as, IMO, there just isn't enough protection for girls, and it is taking far too long to charge men like this for various reasons. Social workers and police are seriously underfunded and I do think it's having a knock-on effect on these investigations.

But what we need more than anything to solve this problem is a huge culture shift. Being able to talk openly about male violence and sexual violence and what everyone can do to stop it, without being called feminazis and having men go on the defensive (or women on their behalf). Being in a place where, if a person hears about this kind of thing happening (and plenty of people do know it happens), them being able to challenge and report it, and just having the frame of mind to think "that's so wrong, I want to stop it" rather than "she's probably a tramp who was asking for it". Not automatically believing that it's more likely a woman is lying about her rape or assault than it is that a man is dangerous.

The levels of male violence can often make people uncomfortable, but unless we all start tackling rape culture I honestly don't think this is ever gonna change.

UnFuckingAcceptable · 10/08/2017 01:56

Yes. We need to ask what is wrong with men but also what is wrong with all the women too?
Those who protect and cover up for the men.
Who allow it to continue.
Mothers who shun their children because they 'tempted' their Fathers. Wtf is wrong with people!?!
The recent noise being made about R.Kelly has already quietened down and everyone has known about him for fucking years.

I don't understand how, as a society, children and the most vulnerable have been put so far down the list of priorities that there has to be protests or riots to even make people take notice not that anyone gives a shit or that anything changes anyway
Fucking white men at the top of the food chain, preventing real change as it doesn't serve their interests.
I despair and feel that it will never, ever change.

Valentine2 · 10/08/2017 02:00

They aren't doing this because they are Asian and the girls are white. They are doing this because they feel entitled to do it due to having an appendage. If you take these men to any part of the world, they will do the same with vulnerable girls there.
Problem is this mentality..
yy to the poster who posted about Thailand. It is an ongoing phenomenon.

Shadow666 · 10/08/2017 02:02

The race of the men is not what's important Oswin. But the cases that have been ongoing are not just one-offs, these are gangs of men who have systematically groomed and raped girls using drugs and alcohol. Large numbers of girls, in an extremely organised way. It's horrific that this is still happening in this day and age and that women and girls are not better protected in our society.

I do wonder if this has been going on in other European cultures, Germany, Sweden, Italy? Is it just a British problem? I don't mean abuse in general. I mean these "predominantly Asian sex gangs" for want of a better phrase preying on predominantly white teenage girls.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 02:02

And, as a mother to a son, it would be nice if all parents of boys taught them now about consent and respecting women - yes they should respect all people, but when we do live in a rape and porn culture there's always gonna be that background feed into our sons that they have a right to sex and that girls are little more than objects.

You don't have to look far on MN to see stories about young boys showing girls (both as young as 11) porn videos and asking if they'll take it up the arse. Its happening in classrooms FFS, and it's getting worse. It's a problem with males as a class and we need to tackle it, and not be so naive as to believe that our boys will never do anything like that. I'm certainly going to be drilling it into my son as he grows up!

Oswin · 10/08/2017 02:02

We won't get nowhere until people stop moaning every time we bring up male violence.
It's a fucking epidemic within our society yet as soon as we try Talk about it, it's all wahhhhhhh not all men.

Shadow666 · 10/08/2017 02:04

Here's a link from Channel 4. It's short but interesting reading.

www.channel4.com/news/factcheck/factcheck-grooming-gangs