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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD's boyfriend ruined her birthday..

304 replies

Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 08:55

It was DD's 21st birthday and her boyfriend of 5 years came out with us for a nice meal. They seem to get on fine, but she has been abroad this semester studying so I think that has strained their relationship. Anyway, the meal was great, we get back to our house to open her gifts from him and his family. His family bought her a voucher, which was kind of them. But, he got her a card with the wrong age (18th, not 21st), he said he was rushing when he bought it, and some flowers and wine from Asda, bought just before our meal out. He also wrote on her card 'to whom it may concern' instead of her name. DD is so upset about this, she feels like he was really thoughtless in doing this to her. Her boyfriend always comes to our house, we cook for him, take them places etc. Me and DH also think his behaviour is unacceptable, and strange to do on her 21st birthday. What should we do? She has been really upset and hurt because of this and hasn't spoken to him since he did this to her.

OP posts:
OfficiallyUnofficial · 05/07/2017 08:57

I'd say that was deliberately shit not thoughtless!

Get rid.

MsJolly · 05/07/2017 08:57

I wouldn't either! Thoughtless wanker! To whom it may concern?!!! 5yr relationship-going downhill fast! Would ditch him pronto!

AnyFucker · 05/07/2017 08:58

What a shitbag

Sounds like their relationship has run it's course and he is punishing her for something. I would be gently encouraging her to look outside of what she has with him and continue to develop her own life. She will dump him very soon, hopefully.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/07/2017 08:58

He sounds like a dick and it is unacceptable behaviour imo - not the gift so much, but the wrong card and the thoughtless message.

As to what you should do? Absolutely nothing! Your DD is 21. It's for her to sort her relationships.

Wildthoughts · 05/07/2017 08:59

How weird. I can't think of an explanation for getting her the wrong age apart from he doesn't know/care and the 'to whom it may concern' is extremely odd. Is he actually ok? Are there any signs he is not?

Of course he could just be an idiot in which case she needs to call it a day.

Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 08:59

They had a bit of an argument last week about her not wanting to stay around his house, but she had only just gotten home from abroad and wanted family time too. But, other than this, they have got on fine.

OP posts:
user1487671808 · 05/07/2017 08:59

That is downright weird and I'd take that as a goodbye tbh.

ShatnersWig · 05/07/2017 08:59

Not sure what your actual AIBU is...

QuiteLikely5 · 05/07/2017 09:00

Was it not a joke on his part? 'To whom it may concern' sounds like he's having a laugh

Did she tell him she was upset? Are you more upset than her?

MaidOfStars · 05/07/2017 09:00

'To whom it may concern' sounds like a joke and something I could nick for future use

The rest is horrible.

Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 09:00

I'm just a bit annoyed that we took him for a meal out, and one last week, but he has acted like this. He came to our house at 11pm with a 21st card but DH shown him out.

OP posts:
redexpat · 05/07/2017 09:00

Has he got form for this? If it was just one of those things and he hasnt got form then Id forgive him. But the crap present, wrong card AND weird message is a bit much.

Ellisandra · 05/07/2017 09:01

Her not speaking to him is hopefully her deciding to dump him.

To Whom It May Concern?

Arsehole. He was deliberately being nasty.
(I actually had a BF at that age who would write stuff like that - he thought it was funny and clever and in my youth I thought it was too Blush but he had form for it - to suddenly do it is deliberate and mean)

Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 09:02

He isn't struggling financially, he actually works with DH part time. Just don't know how to help her.. :(

OP posts:
SquinkiesRule · 05/07/2017 09:02

Horrible man.
He's having a dig at her because he couldn't get his own way, he doesn't like her having her own mind. Selfish twat. Sounds like the relationship has run it's course.

TheSnowFairy · 05/07/2017 09:02

YABU to get involved

YANBU to think he is a thoughtless idiot who could have tried much, much harder.

iwannapuppy · 05/07/2017 09:03

Boys at that age are massively immature and he probably didn't even think about making an effort. I'd just step back and let her come to her own conclusion. You can't get involved apart from to pick up the pieces if it does all go wrong. My boyfriend at 21 gave me an IOU and refused to speak to me during my family birthday meal as he had forgotten to pack a clean shirt and i still wanted him to come out for the dinner.

KidLorneRoll · 05/07/2017 09:03

It's shitty, but she is an adult. You don't do anything other than support her.

troodiedoo · 05/07/2017 09:03

To whom it may concern? Utter douchery! Please encourage her to end it. It's run its course by the sound of it. I'd even wonder if he's been deliberate so that she does the dumping. Coward.

Hope it has not totally ruined her birthday. Getting rid of him could turn out to be the best present though.

BlahBlahBlahEtc · 05/07/2017 09:03

Yeah he did that on purpose. Sounds like a manipulative and probably emotionally abusive sack of shit. (experience)

HerOtherHalf · 05/07/2017 09:03

It was deliberate and shit. You should encourage her to look at the bigger picture. What he is doing is punishing her cruelly and emotionally because she's done something he doesn't like. Decent partners don't do that, they discuss, they communicate and they compromise. He is showing very strong signs of a controlling and abusive personality. Nobody needs that shit, least of all a young woman with her whole life ahead of her and a whole world of potential partners to choose from.

OnionKnight · 05/07/2017 09:04

He's being a deliberate arse.

'To whom it may concern' WTF?

Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 09:05

No, it didn't ruin her birthday but obviously it did upset her, and she still seems upset this morning

OP posts:
Original poster
Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 09:06

But if he is unhappy then why did he come to her meal out etc???

OP posts:
TheHobbitMum · 05/07/2017 09:06

He's a knob to do that your poor DD, honestly I'd take it as a sign he's looked for a way out of the relationship. I can't understand why he'd do that otherwise, it shows no love or thought at all

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