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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD's boyfriend ruined her birthday..

304 replies

Missmoo82 · 05/07/2017 08:55

It was DD's 21st birthday and her boyfriend of 5 years came out with us for a nice meal. They seem to get on fine, but she has been abroad this semester studying so I think that has strained their relationship. Anyway, the meal was great, we get back to our house to open her gifts from him and his family. His family bought her a voucher, which was kind of them. But, he got her a card with the wrong age (18th, not 21st), he said he was rushing when he bought it, and some flowers and wine from Asda, bought just before our meal out. He also wrote on her card 'to whom it may concern' instead of her name. DD is so upset about this, she feels like he was really thoughtless in doing this to her. Her boyfriend always comes to our house, we cook for him, take them places etc. Me and DH also think his behaviour is unacceptable, and strange to do on her 21st birthday. What should we do? She has been really upset and hurt because of this and hasn't spoken to him since he did this to her.

OP posts:

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/07/2017 20:04

And it's been picked up on there about this thread! OP does your DD know you have posted here? Her leaving out the 'to whom it may concern' is interesting. I'd imagine that information may have got her more sympathy on her post.

IrritatedUser1960 · 05/07/2017 20:07

He is clearly punishing her for daring to study abroad. An early sign of someone who is going to be a controlling prick.
She should dump him without any ceremony, he will make her life a misery.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/07/2017 20:19

Badly placed humour? Or trying to knock your DD down a peg? It doesn't matter. Just support your DD and let her decide what to do.

UnconventionalWarfare · 05/07/2017 20:22

Well that Student rooms thread is one big cryathon "me me me me me me me me" Boyfriend dodged a bullet.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 05/07/2017 20:34

Gosh you're nice wareware.

Quimby · 05/07/2017 20:36

"Her leaving out the 'to whom it may concern' is interesting. I'd imagine that information may have got her more sympathy on her post."

Although including her not even hugging him when he came to meet her at the airport on her return probably would have seen her crucified.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 05/07/2017 20:48

I cannot believe anyone would end a relationship based upon a wrong card and quick thinking present! Crikey! She'll be one of those who gets married time and time again because she ends a relationship when the other half does something that doesn't agree with her!

If she has ended a 5-year relationship based upon a wrong age card and presents that didn't agree, then there was no relationship in the first place!

21 and 20 sounds more like 13 and 12!

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/07/2017 21:01

Quimby that was my (clumsy) way of saying did that bit even happen given it's quite a big thing in the context of this thread but the DD didn't mention it at all on hers. Not even a drip feed about it.

MoreProseccoNow · 05/07/2017 21:11

I did wonder if this thread was a reverse.....

Quimby · 05/07/2017 21:14

"I cannot believe anyone would end a relationship based upon a wrong card and quick thinking present! Crikey! She'll be one of those who gets married time and time again because she ends a relationship when the other half does something that doesn't agree with her!"

Tbf to the daughter it's probably just confirming something both have already realised. They're not the same people anymore/their relationship has run its course.

I wouldn't take either of their actions in this instance as a microcosm of their relationship or as a good representation of who they are/will grow up to be.

As I said earlier I doubt either of them are actually nasty as they've been a couple and best friends for five years and got on well. If the relationship was still going strong these things might have caused a slight problem but been addressed.

As it is they're fighting since she returned, the distance has obviously strained the relationship and both are navigating this very clumsily and are hurting one another.

I'd imagine both are fairly normal decent people who are out of their depth and scared of their relationship ending as it's probably something which has come to define them in a lot of ways. Relationships of that length and intensity tend to be rare at that age and become a big part of how you view yourself and how others view you too.
That's a huge fucking change to face up to and I'm not going to castigate either for not knowing how to negotiate it.

OnionKnight · 05/07/2017 21:33

After reading the other thread I've changed my mind, he's had a lucky escape.

Loopytiles · 05/07/2017 21:45

I disagree, the other thread just shows the DD in this story is - understandably - very upset by her bf's (deliberate) thoughtlessness.

From the sounds of it he very clearly wants out: he is "just not that into you". It's good that the DD has picked up on this and made clear being treated like this isn't what she wants.

It sounds like the DD needs to detach a bit from her family though!

GahBuggerit · 05/07/2017 21:48

Anyone else notice they both read like it's the same person? Terminology and flow is really alike.

MoreProseccoNow · 05/07/2017 21:57

Yes, Gah I suspected that it was the OP's DD posting, judging by the lack of insight/maturity/language used.

And in fairness, if MN was around when I was 21 and spectacularly immature & lacking in life experience I would have put up with WAY less crap in relationships.

MyOtherProfile · 05/07/2017 22:02

Oh wow I'm sure the same person has written both posts. They both have exactly the same details.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/07/2017 22:08

I thought the same about them being written by the same person as well. They do read identically. Probably the DD. Can't imagine the mum going and posting on a student forum pretending to be the DD.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 05/07/2017 22:14

I don't blame her. I got my ex £100 in his card for his 21st when we were just friends, a wii for christmas after we started dating, concert tickets and the like for other birthdays, and my 21st, i just got a card. It was 4 months after my mum died and i went out with her whole family for a meal. Table was silent when my aunt asked me what he had got me for my birthday (we were engaged) and i had to say "nothing" with my whole family watching. When i mentioned it to him the next day (knew it would cause an argument and so avoided doing it on my birthday, 21st and first without my mum) he had a massive go at me how it' the sentiment that counts, not the cost. He barely even wrote anything in the card, just my name and his name and "happy birthday" and left the 99p price sticker on.

Oswin · 05/07/2017 22:15

The dd has had a hard time for not hugging him at airport but presumably he has arms why didnt he hug her?

HelloPossums · 05/07/2017 22:16

Almost

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/07/2017 22:35

I hope that was a short engagement Almost.

Loopytiles · 05/07/2017 23:26

There is a scene in the Office with Dawn and her awful bf, in a shopping centre, where he suggests that she just gives him some cash now for his christmas "gift". This one reminds me of that!

Loopytiles · 05/07/2017 23:27

Wish I'd had MN at 21, and 23, to tell me to LTB!

BadLad · 05/07/2017 23:31

There is a scene in the Office with Dawn and her awful bf, in a shopping centre, where he suggests that she just gives him some cash now for his christmas "gift". This one reminds me of that!

Are you sure? I don't remember that episode. I remember her saying that she enjoys buying him presents, and then Lee says that he can't be arsed with that - he tells her to work out what she spent on him and take it out of his wallet. He doesn't actually demand cash from her, unless it's an episode I missed.

user1495025590 · 06/07/2017 04:15

Your dd has got someone else and doesn't want to do the dirty work of telling her bf . the card was an illjudged joke

RadioGaGoo · 06/07/2017 04:35

Poor boy. He didn't get a hug or a night of nookie, because DD was tired and wanted to spend some time with her family. DD is therefore an emotional abuser who deserved this treatment on her birthday (!).

Seriously some of you Mumsnetters?

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