Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this wedding invitation a bit insulting

276 replies

user1498921160 · 02/07/2017 15:49

I've been invited to a friend's wedding. The invitation states I've been invited to the marriage ceremony at 2pm and to the evening celebration at 8pm.

Another friend has also received an invitation which is the standard one to the marriage ceremony 'followed by a reception at.......'.

The wedding is twenty miles from where we live so obviously we're expected to kick our heels for the five hours or so between the end of the ceremony and the start of the evening celebration.

AIBU to find this a bit insulting?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1498921160 · 02/07/2017 15:50

Sorry, I meant my plus one and myself are obviously meant to kick our heels.

Other friend appears to have been invited to a full reception including meal straight after the ceremony.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/07/2017 15:50

AIBU to find this a bit insulting?

Yes, if you can't entertain yourself then don't go to the wedding and just go in the evening.

Fortheloveofdog · 02/07/2017 15:51

I've never understood this. Either invite properly, or just evening.

AlexanderHamilton · 02/07/2017 15:51

I don't think it's insulting. You don't have to go to the ceremony you could just go to the evening if it's difficult.

BenLui · 02/07/2017 15:51

It's an evening reception invitation. It's quite standard.

You can decline if you don't want to go, or do what most evening guests do - just go to the reception.

MrsDc7 · 02/07/2017 15:52

Yes you are BU... space is an absolute nightmare and tends to be the bare minimum for the wedding breakfast. You've been invited to the ceremony and the evening do so they obviously want you there but don't have the space for you at the reception

fuzzywuzzy · 02/07/2017 15:52

Are you close friends? If not skip it.

You're essentially an evening guest. Maybe they need to make up numbers for the ceremony to make the room look full, so they've invited more people to the ceremony.

I wouldn't be insulted. I'd not go if it was going to be a bother tho.

Hairhorror1 · 02/07/2017 15:52

I'd ring/message her and ask.
Feign ignorance and say you just want to check that you are invited to the reception as your invite is a bit confusing.

That's so rude of them, it would have made more sense to invite you to the evening do

OfficerVanHalen · 02/07/2017 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucked · 02/07/2017 15:53

These days I would probably go to the day and see the ceremony and not bother going back in the evening but yes evening would be the normal invitation.

QuirstThenching · 02/07/2017 15:54

I'd be annoyed, its like saying you're welcome at the cheap bits

AlexanderHamilton · 02/07/2017 15:54

Is it a church ceremony? Many churches have a policy that weddings are open to all members of the local community so its just giving you the time & place for if you want to go.

superking · 02/07/2017 15:55

They need to be careful - my DH and his friends once received a similar ceremony/ evening only invite for a wedding in the middle of nowhere. Only place to go to kill the time in between was the local pub. Lots of very inebriated guests arriving just in time for the first dance...

FrancisCrawford · 02/07/2017 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenTulips · 02/07/2017 15:58

Went to none recently - the main issue is that famillyncome first at weddings - so start adding aunts uncles and cousins sisters kids etc and you're in high numbers

It's not a reflection on your friendship - it's a numbers game

kissmethere · 02/07/2017 15:59

I don't understand why people do this. I've never been invited like this or know anyone who has.
Isn't it more usual to have ceremony and reception guests and then later some evening guests? Why expect people to kill time like this?

IrritatedUser1960 · 02/07/2017 15:59

I'd love it, I always need a nap before the evening do.

Doobigetta · 02/07/2017 15:59

Yes, I think that's rude. Traditionally I think the rule was that if you're asking someone to attend the ceremony you need to feed them, so those two parts are usually all in one. Although I think it goes like this-
Ceremony, meal, evening- fine
Meal and evening but not ceremony- fine, if numbers are limited for example in a small register office ceremony
Evening only- fine as long as they don't have to travel far

If I were you I'd just go to the evening do.

GreenTulips · 02/07/2017 15:59

There's 38 my side alone!

Original poster
user1498921160 · 02/07/2017 16:00

Thanks for the replies. I've often received evening invitations, and I've sometimes popped down to the local church to watch a neighbour's child getting married or somesuch.

But I've never actually received a formal invitation to the marriage ceremony that didn't also include an invitation to the reception.

Anyhow, I've no intention of wasting an entire day hanging around a suburb 20 miles away. I'll just go to the Church and come back home.

OP posts:
BlondeB83 · 02/07/2017 16:01

They've got a big church and a small budget. I would just go to the evening.

80sMum · 02/07/2017 16:02

That sounds very odd! I think I would toddle along to the ceremony and take some casual clothes to change into afterwards, so I could go for a nice long walk or something before the evening. Either that or I just wouldn't bother going to the evening bit.

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2017 16:02

It's certainly not something I've ever come across in several decades of attending weddings

Ah, I do like it when someone backs up fheir opinion with their vast experience. Are you a proffessional, wedding goer then?

In all seriousness, op, you've basically got an evening invite. It's quite normal to have more folks in the evening for the party than the breakfast.

Yes it's unusual to inc the service in there, but you don't need to attend. The bride was probably just thinking if you wish to attend you can. Many do. Don't be offended and don't let others encourage you to be, there's some professionally offended on here.

FrancisCrawford · 02/07/2017 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/07/2017 16:03

Yabu.
People getting married can't seem to win. Invite just to evening and people complain they want to go the actual ceremony. They can't afford everyone at reception. 20miles is a 20min drive, just go home in between?