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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this wedding invitation a bit insulting

276 replies

user1498921160 · 02/07/2017 15:49

I've been invited to a friend's wedding. The invitation states I've been invited to the marriage ceremony at 2pm and to the evening celebration at 8pm.

Another friend has also received an invitation which is the standard one to the marriage ceremony 'followed by a reception at.......'.

The wedding is twenty miles from where we live so obviously we're expected to kick our heels for the five hours or so between the end of the ceremony and the start of the evening celebration.

AIBU to find this a bit insulting?

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 02/07/2017 16:03

It's not insulting , you've been invited to the evening reception and they've said come to the actual wedding as well , 20 miles isn't far you could just go home in between .

OfficerVanHalen · 02/07/2017 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WritingHome · 02/07/2017 16:05

I can never get my head around British weddings - this would be unheard of where I come from.

You would be invited to the entire thing OR some people go for an evening party too and invite a second load of people to this.

We didn't do this at our wedding, everyone came to the entire thing and we had a small wedding.

I have also NEVER heard of people in long established relationships being split up and only 1 half being invited to a wedding - that would be the height of rudeness here.

Or indeed weddings where the guests are not fed a proper meal - I am late 40's now and have been to my fair share of weddings and have never once been to one where it is afternoon tea or cake and coffee etc,

I honestly think MN is another world at times!

FrancisCrawford · 02/07/2017 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1492287253 · 02/07/2017 16:07

back in the quite common round here. church service, afternoon in the pub with friends and colleagues. rock up for the buffet.no one took offence .i mean by choice who wants to sit at an overdressed table and eat chicken in mushroom sauce?

sparechange · 02/07/2017 16:07

People just can't win

Send an evening invitation and you get the MN hysteria about 'what's even the point if you can't see the actual ceremony, because that is what it is all about'

Send an evening invitation that also gives the option of seeing the ceremony, and it's insulting

Meanwhile, back in the real world...

AlexanderHamilton · 02/07/2017 16:10

I invited 130 people to my wedding with an extra 50 at the evening. My parents put an announcement in the local paper saying all welcome at the ceremony.

In my family it would be considered rude not to include ceremony details in all invitations whether daytime reception or evening.

glastogal · 02/07/2017 16:10

One of my friends gave me an invite like this.. I was basically an evening guest but since there was space at the ceremony venue, I was invited to attend that too (and for tea and cake straight after before the reception guests went off to the wedding breakfast) since I travelled over 100 miles to attend, I went to the ceremony and then went to the pub with some other friends in the same boat for the afternoon. It was a fun day, I don't regret going at all, I understood that it's expensive to feed everyone. I've never been offended by a wedding invite. How strange! I have turned down a couple that didn't work for me though, and I suggest you do the same if you can't go an enjoy yourself!!

Bobbiepin · 02/07/2017 16:10

A friend of mine invited me to the whole day of her wedding but due to numbers for dinner she can only invite me DH to the ceremony and the evening, its not a big deal. She knows I'll be quite pregnant at that point and doesn't want me to travel alone but just can't fit him in for dinner. If you're that insulted just don't go. Weddings are expensive and difficult, don't be a pain.

OhTheRoses · 02/07/2017 16:12

I think It's rude. Either ceremony and reception/wedding breakfast or evening do.

If It's a budget issue I don't understand why there isn't a more modest reception after the ceremony for everyone. A buffet or stand up do for all rather than a two tier event which smacks a bit of appearances for appearance sake rather than cutting one's cloth.

PuppyMonkey · 02/07/2017 16:13

If the couple have sent out several invitations like this one, I wouldn't be surprised if there's a lot of confusion with people trying to get into the reception not understanding the subtle snub. Could be a nice embarrassing scene or two on the cards, OP - definitely stick around for that bit. Wink

woodhill · 02/07/2017 16:13

That's what my dd will be doing and my other dd did last year. They have lots of friends and want to invite people but you cannot have everyone to the sit down meal.

TinselTwins · 02/07/2017 16:16

I don't think 20 miles is far, I'ld consider you "local" to the event so not UR for you to entertain yourself,

You have the option of going to either the ceremony, or the afters, or both

Quite frankly the sit down bit with the speaches is my least favourite part of a wedding, I love the ceremony and the dancing so I'll happily sort my own lunch if it's local (which IMO 20 miles is!) I would only be Hmm if it was a long journey away - in that case I'ld expect to be fed lunch

Allthebestnamesareused · 02/07/2017 16:16

20 miles is close enough to go home inbetween.

If you don't want to go just decline!

mum11970 · 02/07/2017 16:17

It would read a lot more polite if they invited you to the evening reception but with a footnote that you would be most welcome to witness the marriage if you so wished. I'm pretty sure that a church wedding, funeral or christening is open to the general public any way.

sodablackcurrant · 02/07/2017 16:17

I would either go to the ceremony and wish the happy couple all the best.

OR

Forget the ceremony and go to the evening gig.

My preference would be to just air kiss after the ceremony and leg it.

Libitina · 02/07/2017 16:19

20 miles is about a 30 minute drive. Just go home for those few hours, freshen up and go back later on.

SoupDragon · 02/07/2017 16:25

It is an evening invitation plus a reminder that you are welcome at the wedding ceremony. You don't actually need to be invited to the ceremony at all as they are public events (hence the "does anyone know why this couple can't be legally wed" bit which would be rather pointless if only invited guests were allowed in).

I think some people don't like turning up a thread a ceremony if they haven't been invited though. I've certainly received similar invitations in the past.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 02/07/2017 16:26

Seems fine to me, it's an evening invitation and you are also welcome to attend the ceremony.

EllaHen · 02/07/2017 16:26

Yes, of course it's insulting. Maximize presents, minimise costs.

Not a summons of course but most lesser guests will buy a gift whether they attend or not.

gamerchick · 02/07/2017 16:26

I'd be annoyed, its like saying you're welcome at the cheap bits

It is Grin but as has been said it's missing out the boring gumph you're put through at the afternoon bit.

Evening means you don't have to get prezzies as well, just a card. Win win IMO.

OVienna · 02/07/2017 16:26

What officervanhalen said

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 02/07/2017 16:27

YANBU And glad yove decided to not go to the church.

It's rude to invite someone to the Church and not to wedding breakfast, so, so rude.

SoupDragon · 02/07/2017 16:29

Evening means you don't have to get prezzies as well, just a card

Only if you are incredibly tight.
I would never go to any part of a wedding without a gift.

Tottyandmarchpane1 · 02/07/2017 16:29

Good grief - it's not a subtle snub - ehoever said that - if they didn't want you there they wouldn't invite you at all. You hardly spend your wedding day on subtle snubs for goodness sake. They obviously cannot afford or do not have the room for everyone to attend the reception. They have invited you to the ceremony and the evening - how lovely to be invited. 20 miles is absolutely nothing - it will take you max 40 mins to get home. I'd see it for what it is - a lovely invite from people who like you and cannot afford or do not have the room to have everyone at the ceremony. Do not listen to the bizarre, looking for bad in everything people on this thread, it simply does not resemble real life and you would be mad to listen to it. If you don't want to go for other reasons though then don't go but don't use the 'offended by the invite' rubbish as an excuse.