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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset? Best man's partner

174 replies

BluebellUK · 19/06/2017 11:49

I had the worst time at a family wedding on Saturday. I can't get it out of my head. My partner of 12 years was best man for his brother. I expected to be seated with aunties/cousins etc as one of the groom's cousins is my best pal. Got to the seating plan and found I was at table 10, which was in the other room from the top table and contained 7 total strangers. Well, all the anti depressants, beta blockers and meditation that got me dressed and functioning failed and the tears started... Had to scurry off upstairs to our room to calm down.

When I got back my partner's cousin had moved my place setting next to him and his wife. Argument with the waiter later and that's where I sat.

Bride and groom didn't speak to me the whole day, didn't wait for requested photographs.

My wrong surname problem strikes again? I'm being totally irrational and shouldn't have been seated with extended family?

OP posts:
Squirmy65ghyg · 19/06/2017 11:52

I think you're massively overthinking it.

PenguinOfDoom · 19/06/2017 11:53

My DH, then DP, was best man for some close friends and I was also seated at a table where I didn't know anyone. I was a bit irritated, but luckily the other people on the table were lovely and made sure I was included in their chat (most of them knew each other).

It would have been nicer to seat you with people you know, but having had a nightmare organising table plans for our own wedding, perhaps it was trickier than it seemed.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 19/06/2017 11:55

I'm not sure what you mean by "wrong surname" but it sounds like you seriously overreacted. I'm guessing from your comment about anti-depressants etc that there's a lot more going on here than a wedding seating plan though.

CMOTDibbler · 19/06/2017 11:56

I'd have been massively offended if my bil/sil sat me off with non family at the wedding. Have they been off with you before?

Seeline · 19/06/2017 11:58

So it was effectively your 'BIL' getting married?

How well do you know/get on with the bride - IME it is usually them that sort the seating. And it is a nightmare job....

Personally I would have expected my partner to have spoken to his brother about it to make sure that you were with people you knew as you would have been on your own.

ShatnersWig · 19/06/2017 12:00

I'm with you OP. To all intents and purposes you are the groom's sister-in-law. To have you in a different room is pretty shitty. To seat you with a lot of total strangers even more so if they are aware of your anxiety/depression.

TieGrr · 19/06/2017 12:00

As hard as seating plans are to organise, I don't think anybody should be put a table where they don't know anyone else.

EdmundCleverClogs · 19/06/2017 12:02

What do you mean about the '7 strangers' at the top table? Presumably the bride and groom knew them? I'm sorry to hear you're obviously struggling at the moment, but I fear you've found offence where none was intended. Unless there's a big backstory about your partner's family excluding you?

Sorry, personally I don't get the whole upset over where people sit to eat/hear toasts at weddings. It's the most boring bit of the day in all honesty, later everyone is moving around and mingling so no one cares. One occasion, I was a bridesmaid sat near the back with all other bm bar the maid of honour, at another I was near the top table even though I'd never met the b+g before (partner's guest). I was there to be part of something bigger, no fuss needed to be made.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 19/06/2017 12:02

You've been a couple for 12 years! Of course you should have been sitting with family in my opinion.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 19/06/2017 12:04

I can't be arsed with people whinging about where they sit either, but this is different imho.

Boulshired · 19/06/2017 12:04

It is strange that in some families a quickie marriage is treated with more respect than a couple who have been together 10 plus years. I am not married to DP his mother still finds it awkward it only been nearly two decades.

Loopytiles · 19/06/2017 12:04

Sorry about your mental health issues and that the day and unexpected seating arrangemenrs was so difficult

What is your relationship like with the bride and groom and your DP's immediate family?

What did/does your DP say and do about it?

I don't understand your concern about the photos.

RedSkyAtNight · 19/06/2017 12:04

Were the other people you were seated with all approximately your age and/or were there lots of other people on their own? I've been at several weddings where family have been seated together and other people have been grouped into those of a similar age/interest.

QuiteLikely5 · 19/06/2017 12:06

Seated in a different room! That is outrageous - I've never heard of such a thing!?

LagunaBubbles · 19/06/2017 12:07

What do you mean about the '7 strangers' at the top table?

She means the 7 strangers at the table she was seated at.

Squirmy65ghyg · 19/06/2017 12:08

Oops totally didn't get that! Fair enough then OP. If you're family Yanbu.

Thekissbyklimt13 · 19/06/2017 12:08

Very rude of the bride and groom to do this. I got married recently and ensured that the best men and groomsmen sat with their partners. It's a pet hate of mine to see couples being split up like this at weddings, especially when the partner ends up sitting with strangers. Don't know why it's so important to the bride and groom to have everyone sat beside them at the top table, sure the speeches can still be made then let people sit with whoever they want.

lalalalyra · 19/06/2017 12:09

So, because you and your DP are not married they treated you like a random GF of 5 minutes? That's so rude. It says far more about them than it does you.

MrsOverTheRoad · 19/06/2017 12:10

It was shitty!

I was with the Aunties and siblings on my DH's best friend's wedding!

user1111111111111 · 19/06/2017 12:11

Nc for this. My sil to be(I'm getting married in a few weeks) put me and my fiancé(her brother) sitting at a table of odds and ends at her wedding. A half empty table of people who didn't fit anywhere else. There were 3 tables of aunts and uncles we could've sat with. She's had the cheek to say who she wants to sit with at our wedding and she can fuck right off. She's not getting a say. Op I totally get why you were upset. It was a horrible thing to do.

7461Mary18 · 19/06/2017 12:12

I think the best man normally is on the top table but I am not sure their partner or spouse is. Does it relal matter? Most of us get sick to death with our spouse and are more than happy to be seated at things with a bunch of strangers, chance to make new friends etc.

SparklyMagpie · 19/06/2017 12:13

Im also not understanding the "wrong surname" bit

LagunaBubbles · 19/06/2017 12:13

And yes rude OP. Sorry you are upset. If and when you get married you know where you can seat them!

Boulshired · 19/06/2017 12:15

It's not the sitting with strangers it is that after 12 years she is still not seen as family by her DPs family. He is best man to family so she should be included with the family.

LagunaBubbles · 19/06/2017 12:16

She's not saying she she have been on the top table Mary. And speak for yourself. There's nothing worse than being sat with strangers in some sort of enforced way of "making new friends". Much rather sit with people I know.

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