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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

607 replies

brotherhoodofspam · 08/06/2017 17:20

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 08/06/2017 17:22

I think YABU. It's up to him how he votes. It isn't the first time he has voted Tory, and you know it is for tactical reasons. It really isn't worth falling out over, is it?

strawberrygate · 08/06/2017 17:23

yes, massively. You do realise that we live in a democracy and he can vote how the hell he wants.

FloatyCat · 08/06/2017 17:23

YABU as he can vote for whoever he wants. Me & dh vote differently.

AyeAmarok · 08/06/2017 17:23

YABU.

His vote is none of your business.

gleam · 08/06/2017 17:23

YABU.

strawberrygate · 08/06/2017 17:23

I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional
it's called growing up

Justmuddlingalong · 08/06/2017 17:24

Regardless of your differing political views, you voted how you wanted, he voted how he wanted. I think berating him is bang out of order.

Figaro2017 · 08/06/2017 17:25

Grow up OP.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/06/2017 17:25

Yabu. Make a pact not to discuss politics if he doesn't want to vote the way you would.

PoppyFleur · 08/06/2017 17:25

YABU - his vote is his personal business

x2boys · 08/06/2017 17:25

yabu we live in a democracy my grandad voted labour all his life and my grandma voted conservative all her life they had huge rows over it but heyho that life.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 08/06/2017 17:26

I get where you are coming from OP. It's about wanting your political views to be aligned because it says something about who you are as people and how you both view the world and approach life.

Sallystyle · 08/06/2017 17:26

If dh voted for tories I would be very upset. I would also be angry because he is disabled and we suffer more under the Tories.

However, if he was voting tactically I wouldn't be quite as upset.

I don't think you are unreasonable for how you feel. Of course he has every right to vote for who he wants but I think your feelings are understandable. Just don't give him a hard time for exercising his right to vote for who he wants.

Lostwithinthehills · 08/06/2017 17:26

My vote cancelled my DH's vote out today. His choice, my choice. I'm a floating voter. I don't think either of us has dwelled on it.

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 08/06/2017 17:27

YANBU I'd feel the same. It speaks to his values, which you really want your life partner to share.

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 08/06/2017 17:27

YANBU to feel upset; you can't help your feelings.

Fwiw, I'd feel the same.

AyeAyeFishyPie · 08/06/2017 17:27

Seriously? It's called a democracy. He can vote for who he likes. Though to be fair if one of you is pressuring the other to vote a certain way than you may well have a problem of fascism in your house - but it ain't him.

gunsandbanjos · 08/06/2017 17:28

YABU, massively so. It's a democracy and he can exercise his democratic right in any way he wants. It's nothing to do with you frankly.

Lovestonap · 08/06/2017 17:28

You're not unreasonable to feel upset, because how you vote is indicative of a whole set of values and priorities. If you find out these are different between you and your life partner it can be unsettling.
But it is his vote, and so being angry with him would be unreasonable, just as him being angry with your vote wouldn't be right. If you rub along ok in everyday life then perhaps a pact to not discuss your votes in the future might be best.

passthecremeeggs · 08/06/2017 17:28

Yep - totally unreasonable. It's everyone's right to vote for who they choose; no one is accountable to anyone for their choice and you should be very grateful that that's the democracy we live in.

everymummy · 08/06/2017 17:29

Votes are ticks against views. Are OP's husbands views no affair of hers either?

harshbuttrue1980 · 08/06/2017 17:29

YABU and a control freak

pipsqueak25 · 08/06/2017 17:29

yab massively u, his choice who he votes for, save your vitrol for those who don't vote then whine about the outcome.

sonjadog · 08/06/2017 17:29

I can understand that you are upset. I would be too, because voting Tory suggests holding attitudes and beliefs that are repugnant to me, and I would wonder about the person I was married to having those views. Doesn´t mean he can´t vote as he pleases or that no-one can have those views, but personally I would find it hard to share my life with someone who held them.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/06/2017 17:30

Other people's votes are none of your business - including your husband.