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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irrationally upset by DH's vote.

607 replies

brotherhoodofspam · 08/06/2017 17:20

Just found out that DH has voted Tory for the 2nd time now. He's doing it tactically as hates SNP but I'd already pointed out to him this morning that labour came 2nd here last time. I know it's stupid but I feel really upset about this. I always thought we had a similar world view and I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional. He's really angry with me now for the way I reacted but I wouldn't be the person be married if I just said. " that's nice dear". Just now I'm feeling pretty disgusted with him though. AIBU?

OP posts:
metspengler · 08/06/2017 17:49

People should freely cast whatever vote they like without fearing any kind of personal reprisal, because that would amount to undue pressure/influence.

As long as you aren't visibly being angry at someone, and there are no recriminations, there is no is undue pressure and no harm done. I don't think it's wrong to feel it, if you keep it to yourself.

Soslowmo · 08/06/2017 17:50

I would feel the same op.

OhDearToby · 08/06/2017 17:50

piglet you're just kind of proving the op's point there! It's not about what party her dp voted for. It's about it being for something she doesn't believe in.

People with political views that are poles apart are not really compatible as each will be unable to understand the others thinking.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/06/2017 17:53

Basically a lot of Labour supporters see themselves as morally superior to everyone else - it suits their rhetoric to see anyone who doesn't vote the same way as hating everyone and being evil.

It's actually rather pathetic.

Nothing wrong with disagreeing politically but it's when you demonise people for exercising their democratic right to vote for whomever they want that you end up looking a bit of a knob.

BumBumPooBum · 08/06/2017 17:53

YANBU. I would only have a relationship with someone left wing. If I found the left wing person I had married in good faith was voting Tory that would be grounds for divorce. I am absolutely serious. I think anyone voting Tory (or UKIP) are morally deficient.

pictish · 08/06/2017 17:53

Yanbu - I would think my dh had had a personality transplant if he voted Tory. I'd be horrified.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/06/2017 17:53

Would it be okay for him to kick off because she dared to change her political opinions over the course of many years?

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 08/06/2017 17:53

I always thought we had a similar world view

OP have you actually discussed your respective world views, or have you just berated him for not putting a cross (or tick!) in the same box that you did?

You may not be being being true to yourself if you only said that's nice dear, but your OP is very much 'I'm right so you're disgusting'. There are a whole host of approaches in between.

Demesne · 08/06/2017 17:54

YANBU.

He can do as he pleases, but shows what his values are. And I wouldn't want to be around people who think such things.

My parents are rabidly anti-Muslim UKIP voters. Yes, they have the right to be so. No, I don't have to like them for it.

Original poster
brotherhoodofspam · 08/06/2017 17:54

Until recently we haven't disagreed on these things though. I don't talk politics with friends and colleagues for exactly that reason but I do think I should be able to discuss my world view with the person who shares my life, money, home and children.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/06/2017 17:54

😂😂😂 at morally deficient.

Seriously some people need to get a grip

indigox · 08/06/2017 17:54

YABU

passthecremeeggs · 08/06/2017 17:55

I think anyone voting Tory (or UKIP) are morally deficient.

Oh FGS. This is why Tory voters keep silent - because of loud, offensive, holier-than-thou labour voters.

LedaP · 08/06/2017 17:55

You are upset that someone has changed over the last twenty years?

Yabu

indigox · 08/06/2017 17:55

*Basically a lot of Labour supporters see themselves as morally superior to everyone else - it suits their rhetoric to see anyone who doesn't vote the same way as hating everyone and being evil.

It's actually rather pathetic.

Nothing wrong with disagreeing politically but it's when you demonise people for exercising their democratic right to vote for whomever they want that you end up looking a bit of a knob.*

This.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/06/2017 17:55

I don't agree with more than one party but I wouldn't seek to make out that people with different opinions were thick or evil.

I honestly don't know what world some of you live in Confused

Me264 · 08/06/2017 17:55

DH and I voted differently. In the referendum too. Be a grown up, respect the fact that he has different views to you. I didn't vote conservative today (I have in the past) but I bloody hate the attitude of so many people on the left, so many emotive words used like "despise", "repugnant" etc.

seoulsurvivor · 08/06/2017 17:56

piglet you are proving my point.

I got married based on shared values. If my husband suddenly said, actually, he is anti immigration, against a well-funded NHS, and in favour of making life harder for poor people but easier for the wealthy, he wouldn't be the man I married.

It is totally up to people to believe what they believe, but it makes no sense to me to be with someone whose beliefs I don't respect.

kaitlinktm · 08/06/2017 17:56

I hate the thought that he's done the whole cliche of turning from a left wing student into a right wing middle class professional
it's called growing up

Oh dear - I am obviously not grown up then (at 61) :(

Me264 · 08/06/2017 17:56

What Livia said.

IWillCrushYouLikeABug · 08/06/2017 17:57

What pint are you trying to make piglet?Hmm I do think people who support the disgusting austerity cuts to the disabled, poor, and schools are morally inferior. Soz.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 08/06/2017 17:57

Basically a lot of Labour supporters see themselves as morally superior to everyone else - it suits their rhetoric to see anyone who doesn't vote the same way as hating everyone and being evil.
It's actually rather pathetic. Nothing wrong with disagreeing politically but it's when you demonise people for exercising their democratic right to vote for whomever they want that you end up looking a bit of a knob.
This

CheeseQueen · 08/06/2017 17:57

YABVU. It's absolutely nothing to do with you! I cannot be doing with people telling other people how they should be thinking.
At least he bothered to get out there and cast his vote, even if it's not what you wanted him to do.
Newsflash -we're not all clones and we are entitled to think for ourselves. That's the beauty of living in the UK - democracy.

catcatcatcat · 08/06/2017 17:58

YANBU. I'd be upset. I like to think I have the same core values as DP. I get it.

namechange20050 · 08/06/2017 17:58

I totally agree with you op. YANBU. I think lots of posters on this thread view voting and therefore political views as something they only concern themselves with at election time. I think if you are interested politically it must be really hard that your DH is now voting Tory. It's not just a vote; politics for a lot of people is a reflection of your way of life, your outlook, your values. In short, I would feel the same.